How long before marriage?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I met my first husband in November 1993 when I was 18 and he was 23. We moved in together in October 1996, were married February 1997, and divorced June 1999.

In March 2000 I met my current SO. We moved in together in May 2000 and he proposed July 3, 2000. We were going to get married this April but decided to wait until April 2002 for financial reasons.

We’ve both been married once before and we know what we’re looking for in a spouse and each of us has the qualities the other is looking for. I don’t think it matters that we’d only known each other for a little over 3 months when we got engaged. I know people that dated for one month and got married and have been together for 10 years and I know people that dated for 10 years and were married for 6 months. It’s different for each person and when you’ve met the right one… you just know it. Just MHO.

22

First marriage…8 months (1981-1983)
We became lovers and lived together for 8 months before marriage. The marriage survived for another 18 months. So it goes.

Second marriage…0 months, 0 days (1986-)
This happened in India, where they do things differently. We could not be together unchaperoned, at all, before marriage. We just celebrated our 15th anniversary. We love each other more than ever. She is Ms. Right all right!

23

Met January '99, started dating March of '99, got engaged March '00, married August '00.

Seven months and going strong!

Twiddle

24

Met my SO on the 'net in 1995, had an on again/off again long distance relationship until 1999, when I graduated from college. Moved in with him summer of 1999, still living with him, no plans for marriage currently, wildly happy.

I guess I wouldn’t mind being married, but he’s not up for it yet, and that’s ok by me. I’d much prefer to be by his side for 30 years unmarried than to throw a fit and demand a ring and break up with him as a result.

Not that anyone asked. :smiley:

25

Once you market your plans for that time machine, you should be set for life :smiley: (sorry, couldn’t resist)
My SO and I have been together for a year and two weeks now; we got engaged on our first year anniversary, and are planning to get married summer of 2002 (we beat you to engagement by 2 days, Montfort).

26

Met January 1996.

Began dating November 1996.

Moved in together January 1997.

Engaged February 1997.

Married August 1997.

Still married.

27

This applies to my mom and dad, not me…

They met in February '74, I’m not sure when they got engaged, but they got married in November '74.

They’ve been together almost 27 years.

Keep in mind, though, my mom was 23, and my dad had just turned 26 when they were married.

28

Presuming parties are out of school----You know by the SECOND DATE if you would marry someone. The ONLY reason that it’s EVER put off is because one or the other has DOUBTS.

29

My theory is that courtship time is dependent on the age of the two people getting married. It’s probably not a linear trend. If one were to plot average age at marriage vs. courtship time, I would wager that there would be a minimum for people getting married at age 18 (say 2 years of courtship), a maximum at age 26 (of say 4 years of courtship), a second minimum at age 32 (of say 1 year of courtship), and then the trend would then level off at 3.5 years of courtship above age 35. Please in future responses include the average age at marriage (of the two people getting married).

We should probably be able to get enough data because people like to talk about their relationships. Maybe someday if I have time I’ll come back and analyze the data. If anyone else wants to take a crack at analyzing it, feel free to do so and please include my name in your findings. I’d love to see the results. (Perhaps the US census or some other body has already investigated such a trend?)

I’ll provide the first data point. While I’m not yet married, my girlie has been dropping wedding ring hints like a fiend de semana and I love her a lot so I’m pretty confident in this. We will be married at average age 26 after 4 years of courtship. (I know this point just happens to fit my trend, which is cheating and you can exclude it if you wish.)

Sorry to those who think this is a bit silly. I’ve been up for 40 straight hours working on my MS thesis and have made > 100 plots, so I just got plotting on the brain.

Please include the average age of the parties getting married with future posts. Thanks.

30

Actually a good had full of people already said how old they were when they got married so my post is not the first data point.

31

Just to satisfy sleepyhead’s age and time of courtship research requirements.

My Husband was 18yrs 5mos at marriage I was 20yrs 7mos. Time of courtship was approximately 4.5 mos.

32

Yeah how about years and decimal years instead of months. That would help me with the math. (kidding) I guess I was being silly to ask for such technical formatting of the info.

Seriously I?m interested in how this trend will work out. My GF?s old sister is getting married next weekend to a guy to whom she?s been dating for a shorter time than me and my gf have been dating. This has prompted much discussion over the proper courtship time before marriage.

So SLIS post shows young kids getting married after a fairly short courtship. That will fit nicely into my predicted trend. (I better keep my mouth shut before people who don?t fit the trend post just to spite me.)

Come on folks I know it?s early (at least in the us) but if you reading and you?re married let?s hear from ya.

33

Well, I dunno about that. How can you even know someone well enough by the second date to determine that you would want to marry them yet? Have you ever seen them get pissed? Have you seen if they are a “neat freak”? I think it’s impossible to know by the second date. Arguably, you might have an inclination that you are “compatable”, but hardly marriage material. Secondly, I would argue that a longer courtship period may be sustained due to age and circumstances, not because one of the parties was unsure.
My case in point, we did not have the money and I was younger, ergo, we had a long courtship period.

Now for the other data. With first husband courtship: 6 years 1 month. Marriage only lasted about 4.5 years. At time of marriage I was 21 and he was 25.

Current SO: still courting, but now at 7 months. Discussion of marriage has happened, but nothing is set in stone.

34

I’m not married and never have been, so I’ll give parent stats like Nocturne did.

They met in February 1971, were engaged a week after they met (still Feb '71), were married May 15, 1971. Mom was 21, Dad was 23.

They will celebrate 30 years soon.

Strange how these things often seem to work out, against all odds. I asked my mom why they got engaged and married so quickly. Answer: “Eh. It was the early '70s. And I wasn’t very busy at the time.” Uh…OK, mom…

35

I wasn’t going to post to this thread, but what the hell.

Marriage Number One:

Met in May, 1979.
Engaged in June, 1979.
Married in July, 1979.
Divorced July, 1981.

(Sidenote: I would have married Jack the Ripper to get out of my mother’s house at this time of my life…and looking back, I did.)

Marriage Number Two:

Met in November, 1981.
Shacked up January, 1982.
Married April, 1984.
Divorced August, 1986.

(Sidenote #2: I was an idiot, he was a bigger one. Nuff said.)

Marriage Number Three:

Met September, 1986. (These dates all run reallll close together don’t they??)
Shacked up September, 1988.
Threw his ass out October, 1988.
Forgave him, but didn’t let him back in December, 1988.
Engaged January, 1989.
Married March, 1989.

Three kids later (I had one from my first nightmare, uh…marriage, so I have a grand total of four kids)
we’re still married.

No one ever thought we’d make it past six months. Our former boss lost $500 dollars betting against us. We’ve surpassed everyone we know that got married before and after we did. And they all had “wonderful” relationships, and had dated for eons before they got married.

Obviously, we were meant to be…:slight_smile:

36

I met future hubby in Bookkeeping class in high school. He was a senior, I was a junior. We didn’t date until I started college and then 3 months later he broke up with his girlfriend from high school (:o) and a month later we decided to date exclusively. And then less than 2 months later we got engaged. We were married 2 1/2 years later. 2 1/2 years exactly from the day we decided to date each other exclusively.

We’ve been married 13 years. I don’t see that changing any time.

Even with that long engagement, I was still a child bride. I wasn’t even old enough to drink at my wedding reception.

37

Not even next year, when it will be 14 years? :smiley:

Zev Steinhardt

38

Here’s our stats:

Met in May 1996 (we had known each other as kids, but that’s another story) --he was 22, I was 21

Started hanging out in August 1996

Confessed feelings for each other on 10/13/96

Became engaged 10/13/97 (at ages 23 and 22)

Married 9/11/99 (he was 25, I was 24)

Still together, still happy, and I still wonder what he sees in me :slight_smile:
Note: He had a year of college to finish when we got engaged, plus we couldn’t afford to move out of our parents’ homes, or we probably would have been married sooner. In fact, I knew almost immediately that he was “the one.”

39

I have to copy SilkyThreat’s comments for my first marriage. :wink:
First time:
I was almost 20, he was 26 and already divorced once. Married within three months, divorced 2 years later. He remarried within days of our divorce being final, and is now on his FIFTH marriage.

Second time:
Met in September 1990, started dating one year later in September 1991, moved in together two years later in September 1993, got engaged Christmas 1993, married November 1994. We were 30 (me) and 31 (him) when we got married. Still together and still happy.

40

My parents knew each other for at least 3 or 4 years before they got married; they were in high school at the time, and got married as soon as Mom graduated. They’ve been together… hmm, gotta be 24 or 25 years now.