I can add only one thing to Julianna’s post about us. She was 32, I was 28 when we met. We’d both had the ex-from-hell (Her’s has too many bad habits to list, mine was simply a drunk, drugged out slut.)
So maybe there’s a bit of experence in there too.
Met Ravendriver in Jan 90, decided to marry June 1991, married 6 hours later, coming up on 10 years, and planning our Golden Anniversary.
I have a friend who decided to marry a man during their first date, although it was actually a few weeks later before they had the wedding. Two kids and 25 years later, they are still just about the most perfect couple I know. Time together doesn’t have as much to do with it as commitment to doing whatever it takes to make it through the rough spots (on both sides) and lots of good luck.
Sorry. Not buying that blanket statement for a second.
I was 29, Mrs. Tranq was 24, but our lengthy ‘courtship’ had everything to do with circumstance. Once I’d been on a couple of dates with her, I was confident she was the right one, but… I needed to mourn my lost freedom for a bit before I could admit I was ‘done for’. Once we were engaged, it was a question of the fact that as a pair of Squids, on the same ship, marriage would’ve meant that one of us would’ve been transferred to a shore command (likely me, as the one with more sea time), and there was a ‘West Pac’ deployment on the horizon. We didn’t feel that it was a good idea, as newlyweds, to face the deployment apart (not to mention that we were a horny pair, and would’ve missed the ‘time’ together). So instead, we went on deployment together, and had a grand time, and got married a month after returning to home port (and incidently, just a month before our rotation was due).
I’m neurotic enough to plan for just about any occasion, and coincidentally I’ve got a plan that fits this topic.
Much like the recent Friends episode where whatsherface was turning 30 (I don’t watch the show! Honest! It was just on in the background.) and realized that she wanted kids by the time she was 35. “Which means I’d need to be pregnant by 34, and I’d like to be married for a year first, so I’d get married by 33 … and a year and a half for the engagement, and I’d like to know the guy a while beforehand … so I have to meet him today.”
Met Aug '00
Started dating Sep '00
Intended-shack-up-plans Sep '01
Theoretical engagement Sep '02
Marriage Sep '03
If all of that works as expected, I should start buying lottery tickets.
I’ve been with my s/o for 8 years. We don’t plan on ever getting married but we do plan on spending the rest of our lives together. We don’t see a reason for marriage, although the drop in car insurance would be kinda nice.
We moved in together after about 4 months of dating and have been happy ever since.
By common law, you are married. Let me be the first to congradulate you! 
Actually, that’s not true 
I did some research on the subject before. It turns out that only some states have common law marriages. My state is not one of them. Plus, in each of those states, the couple has to “consider themselves married” for it to be common law marriage.
Ahh, poop! You would have to go and spoil my fun, wouldn’t you…?
Well, fine. I’ll consider your relationship to be sufficiently marriage-like as to recieve the same consideration as a ‘real’ marriage. There! Take THAT…!
Amen to that!
The first time I got married, I was more in love with the idea of being married. I was way too young and thought it would be like playing house. Add to that the fact that my husband was a pathological liar and a cheater.
But it did make me realize exactly what I did want in a relationship, and I am able to appreciate my second husband even more because of it.
Nope, not gonna believe that. There is no way in hell you know a person well enough by the second date to spend the rest of your life with them. Granted, there are a few cases where a short courtship has turned into a lifetime commitment (my grandparents being one), but often this is not the case. Most people who believe in a very short courtship often cannot stand to take the time and effort to build a base of trust and respect with their significant other that is essential to a marriage.
I’m not going to put an exact timeline on just how long a couple should wait before marriage, because it does depend on the maturity, personal/religious beliefs, and experience of the parties concerned. But the second date? By that time, you’ve probably haven’t seen them get angry, nor do you know much about their past, nor do you know their family–and, if you do, then it must have been one heckuva first date.
Jeesh, I don’t even sleep with someone until I’ve known them for at least three months. By your timeline, you’d already be married and working on a family.
Met September 1986 in high school freshman year Nothwest Studies class, when I was 14 and she was 13. (God, could we possibly have been that young? I’d never looked at it that way before.)
Started dating March 1989 when she asked me out and we both were 16.
Engaged July 4, 1994 when both were 21.
Started living together August 1994 (still both 21).
Married July 15, 1995 when both were 22. (Almost nine years after meeting and after more than six years of dating.)
Still together after 5 1/2 years of marriage and I don’t see any realistic chance that we will be splitting up any time soon. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and a far better person than I deserve.
Met in June 1988.
Started pestering her to go out with me, September 1988.
Pestering successful, November 1988.
She broke up with her nominal boyfriend, December 1988.
She moved to Taiwan, July 1992.
Convinced her to move back to Atlanta, December 1992.
She moved back, June 1993.
Moved in together following fire in my building, October 1994.
Got engaged, March 1995.
Got married, June 1996.
First kid, March 1997 (for those of you doing mental arithmetic, he was nearly a month early, and it was definitely wedding night or next one).
Second kid, June 1999.
Why such a long courtship? I was nowhere near ready emotionally or financially to get married for the first several years we were together. There were at least five or six strong, compelling reasons why we were ill-suited for one another. Also, she was determined to get married and have kids as soon as possible, being convinced that that would make her life perfect, and I wasn’t going to be the SOB who screwed up her perfect life. I did have different sense about her than about any other woman from the first night we met, but I can’t say that I knew she was the one; there were way too many apparent obstacles. Before she left for Taiwan, during the first four years we were together, she dated a number of other people. Apparently, none of them seemed like better options to her.
Married life can be extremely difficult, and without being completely committed to it you stand little chance of long-term success. The big advantage to being together for a long time before taking the plunge, IMHO, is that there shouldn’t be any surprises about the personality, habits, and attitudes of the other person – you know what you’re getting into, and you’re either ready to deal with that or you’re not.