Chances are 99% it’s this. You need to take charge of the situation and show him why he has to let the others go and focus on you. Desirable men dating in your age cohort are like kids in a candy store, if he’s a catch he’ll be covered up with women. You need to take him by the hand. Make him a home cooked meal and have your “A” game ready. Morning after coffee is for closers.
Well, I can’t take charge of anything if he doesn’t even return my text.
Look–for all I know, he’d already made his decision the minute he saw me in person. Whatever. I can’t spend a lot of time or energy thinking about what went into his decision. I doubt I’m going to have any great insights as a result, and it makes me less than happy.
The only thing I can do is pay attention to other things and, with any luck, go on to meet someone else.
My wife has undergone two knee replacement surgeries since October, and she has been watching quite a few “chick flicks” to while away the hours. I’ve been working from home a lot to help her out, and apparently, the sounds from the movies must have invaded my consciousness.
Know how I know? I found myself racing to the bottom of this thread, looking for updates from Scribble, all the while chanting in my head, “I hope he called her, I hope he called her!”
Scribble, I was hoping you would have a better ending. Go out and enjoy yourself.
I am sorry Scribble. I think many of us were hoping for you. Every fun date doesn’t result in a follow up but just enjoy yourself and if it does, all the better.
Well, until I came across this guy, I had pretty much accepted that I’d be single and celibate from now on. I answered his ad on a whim, not thinking that it would work out at all.
I’m no worse off than I was before, I suppose–but I feel crappier, somehow.
This is a healthy attitude! FWIW, I’ve enjoyed myself on several dates with guys that I knew early on I would never go on another date with. If I’m already out, there’s no point in not enjoying myself. But if I run into an early dealbreaker, it’s not going to go anywhere after that night.
There was one guy who I found out had kids–at the time, I refused to date people with kids, regardless of how awesome they otherwise were (and he was pretty awesome, but I didn’t want to raise someone else’s kids when I was 22 years old). Another guy was really into a hobby that we didn’t have in common, and it’s all he talked about. I indulged him, so he probably had the impression that the date went well.
Can you see how that is lot of expectations to channel into one guy who you barely know?
The early stages of dating are not unlike a job interview. Could you imagine going in to a job interview with the attitude of “until now, I thought I’d be idle and jobless all my life?” Even if you tried to hide those thoughts, they would come through in some ways, and at the least the whole experience would be an emotional roller coaster for you.
A healthier job search would be “I need a job. I am going to interview with different firms in my field until I find a good match.” You can’t expect every job you apply to to work out, and if you get worked up at every job app, that’s gonna be draining. But with persistence, you’ll eventually find a decent match.
Agreed. Which is why I always wear a black suit and tie, show up 15 minutes early, and bring several copies of my résumé. It also helps to ask very specific questions that make it clear you have researched them carefully.
Yes, I get that. Look–I wasn’t married until I was 34. It’s not like I’d never dated before last weekend. I understand the basic dynamics of how this works. I’m also aware that I’m not always as opaque as I’d like; I know that I may have given off vibes that weren’t that inviting.
I didn’t go into meeting this guy with the feeling that he was definitely The One. I went in with no expectations whatsoever. I got kind of excited when he seemed to have potential–and that seems to be vanishingly rare nowadays. That’s really all. I’m doing fine.
Well, Mr. Right, I see here from the local civil court filings that you declared personal bankruptcy in 2008. How can I be sure that your financial situation has recovered and is stable enough for a long term relationship?
You’re not fine. Look at you. You’re asking for dating advice on a message board famous for the socially awkward and borderline anti-social shut ins.
You’re a goddamn mess.
{{{grouphug}}}
You may be fine. But you aren’t the only one reading these posts and it is solid general advice.
I think a lot of us know how to date on paper but in practice, we still get the butterflies and when we’re dumped it still hurts. I don’t think Scribble is actually confused but rather just wanted to get something off her chest.
…runs in for group hug.…sobs So much beauty and truth spoken here!
Listen, Scribble. I’ve researched that guy and want to tell you that you’re lucky your text was lost in the universe. That guy was no dang good for you. He was a cheat, a liar, a fixer, a fraud, a hypocrite. He was a shyster. He was a wheeler-dealer. … what else was he? ….back to the synonym directory.…
A rake and a roustabout!
See, Scribble? Push You Down has come up with identical research on that lecherous libertine, that lascivious Lothario whom you’re grateful to be free of.
Thanks for the hugs and everything, but, really–it’s not that big a deal. And I’m not a mess. I just wanted a little unbiased info on contemporary dating expectations, without a lot of follow-up questions, suggestions, or critiques from people I know IRL.
The hugs weren’t for you,** Scribble**. They were for the shut-ins.
Wow. Not everything is about you. No wonder you didn’t get a second date. 
It’s also called a thesaurus.
Yes, I see what you mean.
It’s hard but I’d try to take something good out of the situation…
As you said it had been a while since you had a good date with a good guy. If this one wasn’t meant to be, that’s ok. At least you know it can be done. It can be very easy to assume “I’ll never meet someone at all decent” when you haven’t done so in a while and then get in the doldrums.