How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Are lightbulbs real? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________(enter many hours worth of heated and belabored debate on what is real/reality here)

What is the point? Do I have one? Should I have one? I suffer from terrible bouts of self-loathing and doubt, so be kind, damn it!

42

One to pull up a lawn chair and watch the train wreck.
Four more to also pull up lawn chairs, make popcorn and pour root beer all around.

One to complain that “pulling up lawn chairs” is soooo lame.

43

That would be lieu.

Followed by 3 to tell him how sick, however funny, he really is.

44

Disclaimer: I am not racist / sexist / against any of the people groups portrayed in these jokes. They’re included in my book of cyberspace jokes, so I’ll post them here out of a humorous spirit. (don’t take it personally if you happen to be a member of one or more of these groups) IF you feel it necessary to change the content, go ahead.

1 Flamsterette_X to hijack the thread with numerous other light bulb jokes, as follows:

There… enjoy the off-topic hijack! :wink:

No, you do NOT want to know how long it took me to type all of this out and spellcheck it. :wink: But I did it coz I enjoyed it… and it did have to do with this thread, so there! :stuck_out_tongue:

F_X

45

UnbeFlammelievable.

BTW, you missssppelledd a word or two. :wink:

46

5 to all your light bulb are belong to us

47

I can’t believe there are any left after Flamsterette’s hilarious list…but here is hijack #7 (I counted Flamster’s as one)
How many Bill Gates’ does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He stands, holding the lightbulb still, and the world revolves around him.
How many weightlifters does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb, and four to stand around saying, “You’re lookin’ HUGE, man!”
How many engineers/production personnel does it take to change a lightbulb?

  1. One to do the assembly drawings. Two to check the assembly drawings. Four to do the detail drawings. Six to check the detail drawings. Two to archive the assembly and detail drawings. Three to print eight copies of the assembly and detail drawings. Three Time-Study engineers to study how long it will take each production employee to finish each job (1. Determine that the bulb actually needs changed. 2. Get the new bulb from finished stock. 3. Deliver the bulb to the specific location. 5. Schedule a maintenence crew to change the bulb. (One to change it, one to hold the ladder, one to secure the area so noone runs into the ladder, one to turn off the electricity first, one to verify that the electricity HAS been turned off and a maintenence foreman to oversee all of them) 6. An inspector to verify that the bulb a)has been changed and b)is once again in working order. 7. A secretarial/documentationial person to document the whole process.

.
.
.
.

(I just noticed it’s Flamsterette, like flim-flam, not Flamesterette…hee hee!)

48

Nope… ran it through Word’s spellcheck. Came up relatively clean… of course, I fixed the few errors that it found. :slight_smile: So now it’s free of error. :wink:

Yup, that be it right there. :slight_smile: Of course, there are probably some people around here who would add an extra “E” to my name… but eh. It’s happened before, and probably will again… not much to fash about.

F_X

49

Nope… ran it through Word’s spellcheck. Came up relatively clean… of course, I fixed the few errors that it found. :slight_smile: So now it’s free of error. :wink:

Yup, that be it right there. :slight_smile: Of course, there are probably some people around here who would add an extra “E” to my name… but eh. It’s happened before, and probably will again… not much to fash about.

F_X

50

Of course, there would also be the requisite link to a Google search on “light bulb jokes”, as well. :smiley:

F_X

51

1 poster to declare something (like the above post) the Funniest. Thing. Ever.

52

Flamme, since “tow” is a word, the spell checker didn’t catch when you substituted it for “two.”

No big deal. I do it all the time.

I thought a good bit of tht post was funny, btw. But… I AM OFFENDED BY THE… :slight_smile:

53

1 to point out that if the OP had searched, he’d see that we’d already discussed lightbulbs here, here, and here.

54

Holy shit! Would you believe that I first saw this posted in an Chelsea Football Club e-mail list back in 1996?

And someone then claimed that it was old…

:smiley:

pan

55

1 poster to post related links to the SD archive:

Why are moths attracted to bright lights?
To save energy, should you turn lights off or leave them on?
Do fluorescent lights cause cataracts?
Can some people extinguish streetlamps by means of their bodily emanations?
Why does a microwave oven make a bulb light up?

And don’t forget the articles that list interesting places light bulbs have been found:

Is it true what they say about gerbils?
What’s the story with vaginal foreign bodies?

And another poster to bring up The Darksucker Conspiracy

56

>Here are instructions on how to get 10,000 light
>bulbs in the next 2 weeks:
>
>There are 3 addresses listed below.
>
>Send the person at the top of the list a
>lightbulb with a note that says: “Please add me to
>your list”.
>
>Then delete that name, move the other 2
>up and put your name at the bottom.
>
>Now start sending this ENTIRE E-mail back out
>to people. When 20 people receive it, those 20
>people will move your name up to the middle
>position and they will each send out 20. That
>totals 400 people that will receive this letter
>with your name in the middle. Then, those 400
>people will move your name to the top and they
>will each send you a lightbulb.
>
>8,000 people each sending you a lightbulb =
>8,000 lightbulbs. That’s if everyone
>responds to this E-mail, but not everyone
>will, so you can expect more realistically to
>receive about
>3,000 lightbulbs in your mailbox.
>
>This will work for anyone, anywhere in the
>world in any country, but send only a US
>Edison screw-type bulb.
>
>The more E-mails you send out, the more
>light bulbs you will receive. If each person
>sends out 100 E- mails, there will be 1,000,000
>people that receive this letter when your
>name reaches the top. If only 1% of those
>people respond, you
>will get 10,000 light bulbs.
>
>This is not illegal.

57

Three repairmen call at a motel for on a maintenance call. The manager tells them that 30 light bulbs need replacing. They each hand over 10 light bulbs. Later, the manager tells the handyman that only 25 light bulbs were actually out, so the manager gives the handyman five light bulbs to return to the repairmen. Not knowing how to divide 5 light bulbs among three men, the handyman gives 1 light bulb back to each man and keeps the other 2 light bulbs for himself. This means that the three men have each handed over 9 light bulbs to the project, which is a total of 27 light bulbs. Add the 2 light bulbs that the handyman kept and you have 29 light bulbs. What happened to the other light bulb?

58

It was RAPTURED!!!

Repent! Repent now!!!

59

FROM: JOSEPH SOKO

OKUMAGBA ANNIN LAW FIRM
ATTORNEYS/LEGAL PRACTITIONERS.
NIGERIA.

ATTENTION:

DEAR MOST KIND SIR PLEASE,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON. GRACE AND PEACE AND LOVE FROM THIS PART OF THE ATLANTIC TO YOU. I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH EMARRASSMENT. AS I WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH. PLEASE EXCUSE MY INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.

I AM JOSEPH SOKO,I REPRESENT MOHAMMED ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GENERAL SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN 1998. SINCE HIS DEATH, LIGHT BULBS AT THE FAMILY ESTATE HAVE BEEN BURNING OUT DUE TO POWER SPIKES INFLICTED BY VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO ARE BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY.

BASED ON THIS THEREFORE, THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER WHO CAN WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT THE TOTAL SUM OF TEN MILLION (10,000,000) GENERAL ELECTRIC CORPORATION HEAVY DUTY (SUITABLE FOR TRAFFIC SIGNALS, HIGH VIBRATION INDUSTRIAL APPLICATIONS, HARD TO REACH SOCKETS, AND SO ON) ONE HUNDRED (100) WATT LIGHT BULBS, PRESENTLY IN THEIR POSSESSION. THE LIGHT BULBS WERE, OF COURSE, ACQUIRED BY THE LATE PRESIDENT AND IS NOW KEPT SECRETLY BY THE FAMILY IN A WAREHOUSE OUTSIDE OF LAGOS.

THIS BID BY SOME GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS TO DEAL WITH THIS FAMILY HAS MADE IT NECESSARY THAT WE SEEK YOUR ASSISITANCE IN RECEIVING THESE LIGHT BULBS AND IN SCREWING THEM IN VARIOUS FOREIGN SOCKETS ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY.

THIS MUST BE A JOINT VENTURE TRANSACTION AND WE MUST ALL WORK TOGETHER. SINCE THE LIGHT BULBS ARE ALL IN THEIR ORIGINAL RETAIL CARTONS, EXTRA SECURITY MEASURES HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO PROTECT THEM FROM THEFT OR SEIZURE, PENDING WHEN AGREEMENT IS REACHED ON WHEN AND HOW TO MOVE THEM INTO ANY OF YOUR SOCKETS I HAVE PERSONALLY WORKED OUT ALL MODALITIES FOR THE PEACEFUL CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION.

THE TRANSACTION DEFINITELY WOULD BE HANDLED IN PHASES AND THE FIRST PHASE WILL INVOLVE THE MOVING OF TWO MILLION (2,000,000) GENERAL ELECTRIC CORPORATION ONE HUNDRED (100) WATT LIGHT BULBS.

MY CLIENTS ARE WILLING TO GIVE YOU A REASONABLE PERCENTAGE OF THESE LIGHT BULBS AS SOON AS THE TRANSACTIONIS CONCLUDED. I WILL, HOWEVER, BASED ON THE GROUNDS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK WITH US AND ALSO ALL CONTENTIOUS ISSUES DISCUSSED BEFORE THE COMMENCEMENT OF THIS TRANSACTION. YOU MAY ALSO DISCUSS YOUR PERCENTAGE OF LIGHT BULBS BEFORE WE START TO WORK. AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL NECESSARY DETAILS AS TO HOW WE INTEND TO CARRY OUT THE WHOLE TRANSACTION.PLEASE, DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEARS, AS ALL NECESSARY MODALITIES ARE IN PLACE, AND I ASSURE YOU OF ALL SUCCESS AND SAFETY IN THIS TRANSACTION.

PLEASE, THIS TRANSACTION REQUIRES ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY AND YOU WOULD BE EXPECTED TO TREAT IT AS SUCH UNTIL THE LIGHT BULBS ARE MOVED OUT OF THIS COUNTRY.

PLEASE, YOU WILL ALSO IGNORE THIS LETTER AND RESPECT OUR TRUST IN YOU BY NOT EXPOSING THIS TRANSACTION, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.

I LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU.

THANK YOU.

TRULY YOURS,

GOD BLESS,

SINCERELY,

JOSEPH SOKO

60

You are receiving this flickering in your light because someone you know has sent you a chain-flicker. If you wish continued, uninterrupted light to emanate from your bulb, you will immediately change your lightbulb, paste this flicker into an e-mail and forward it to ten of your friends immediately.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS. IT IS NOT A JOKE.

Billy James Under of Mississippi laughed at this flicker and disregarded it. Later that day, his light bulb burned out and he sustained a terrible stinger on his calf after bumping into his coffee table in the dark.

Jane Adams of New Jersey thought that the flicker was a momentary aberration. Imagine her surprise when her world was plunged into darkness.

But if you immediately change your lightbulb and pass this flicker on to ten friends IMMEDIATELY, you will enjoy serene, uninterrupted light for at least a month.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. FORWARD THIS IMMEIDATELY.