Get politely drunk – enough to take the edge off of matters, not so much to be dangerous – scream and shout and cuss, Autolycus.
One step ahead of you. Cheers.
Oh, and I guess the issue of the OP has been resolved, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to leave it open. The more the merrier.
And if you really did love her, you’d keep that to yourself, and not call her and try to ameliorate your guilt by asking her for her approval and reassurance that you didn’t hurt her. You have to move on. Vent here, but do not call her. Just a friendly reminder–don’t call her and don’t call her drunk to “explain.”
That’s a little formal. I think it’s enough to send them a text message that says “NOT D8NG ANYMORE, SRY KTHX BYE”.
People appreciate it if you get right to the point.
Roger that. Thanks eleanor.
Good grief, if there’s any thread the calls for some Barenaked Ladies, it’s this one.
Spit on her.
Worked for me.
Famous last words, mon frère. Don’t be so sure–a Chinese gal of marrying age? Who deeply loves you? And thought that things were going so well?
Beware the psycho xiaojie. :eek:
ETA: To elaborate, “xiaojie” means “young lady” in Chinese. And here’s a pretty good description of the phenomenon on one of the links I found via Google above:
Maybe so – but it doesn’t rhyme.
Don’t break up with her.
Just go along, being passive-aggressive, hoping she’ll get the message. If she doesn’t, and when events conspire, then get married, again hoping that fate will take care of your problems for you.
After a few less-than-happy years, finally decide you have enough and then get a divorce, losing your share of the house and, if you have kids, the ability to see your children every day.
Or, you do what you did. It sucks, but it’s better than the alternative.
Just don’t be weak and take her calls. It’s over.
Also, good thing about the fortunate timing. The clean-up may have been a bitch, but at least there’s nothing to worry about.
Congratulations!
It is ok to feel better about this without feeling bad. When it’s not right, it’s not right. Nothing you can do if it’s not in the cards. It’s nothing either of you did wrong.
Mabye this other girl is the right one. I think the rebound thing is crap, sometimes. Sure it exists, but it doesn’t always have to.
Go get girl #2, Autolycus. Say what you need to say.
I’ve always had good luck with the “just stop answering her calls until she gets the message” technique.
Just hock up a loogie, Doogie?
Thank you all for your help. It really means the world to me. (aka keep the comfort vibes coming)
Maybe I’m just a sap, but Disney songs really cheer me up at times like this.
Listen to all the Disney songs you need, Auto. Don’t worry about it being sappy.
I had to break up with a guy once, after he’d declared his love for me. It was extremely uncomfortable, because while I liked him and found him attractive, I knew I was never, ever going to be in love with him. It just wasn’t there. I’d’ve been happy dating casually, but the second I found out how serious his feelings were I couldn’t, in good conscience, continue. It was painful and I felt like an ass, but it really was best. I freed him up to find somebody who could return his feelings, somebody who was interested in the kind of relationship he needed.
It may not feel like it right now, but that’s what you did, too. Love is a messy thing and sometimes we’ve got to hurt people to avoid a worse hurt later on.
Judging from what’s written here, and what you have posted in the past, I would think long and hard about getting involved with girl #2. At least don’t do anything in the immediate future. My two cents.
Go Autolycus! Sounds like you handled it very well. Do not feel guilty about anything, you can’t force yourself to feel that someone is the love of your life when that person isn’t.
Now, go out there and experience some PASSION!
Three things:
-
You did the right thing** Auto**, you’re still young; it’s healthy for you to date, go steady, and all the hullabaloo that goes with having relationships.
-
Don’t call her, especially if you’re drinking (:smack:). Now since this is a semi-amicable breakup this isn’t a forever thing. Perhaps there will be a time when you two can be friendly again and talk. Regarding this I will ask my fellow Dopers if they agree, and what sort of time-table would be healthy. Or does “never” mean “never”?
-
“psycho xiaojie”… not fun.
Good luck, Godspeed, and I hope you both find happiness.
It might be easier.
I only read the OP, who needs anything else, and I don’t think it matters really. You are obviously an idiot and it won’t take her long to forget you. You are about as deep as a teaspoon and she has been lucky to rid herself of you.
How long do you think it will take to decide that the new relationship “has no passion”?
No I’m just kidding. She will dump you.