Well, I got engaged on June 17, so… I guess I decided the right answer in my case was 7 months or so.
NM.
Since it is a done deal, best wishes to both of you.
Regards,
Shodan (engaged about two years, married for thirty, so far)
Enh, as one who’s been engaged at least a dozen times, but never actually went down the aisle <until 44>, I’m gonna say the beginning of the engagement doesn’t really matter. What happens between that and the actually wedding does, though.
I know this thread is kind of old, though maybe it’s not quite a zombie.
For the record, I’ll say that I got engaged after 6 months, and it’ll be our 6th anniversary in about a month, so I think we’re doing fine so far.
My cousin got engaged after about 3 months and he’s been married more than 15 years now.
So I hesitate to put a specific time on it.
I asked MizPullin to marry me in the second week (of dating).
We moved in together before a month was over.
We’re still together. A little over 32 years now.
When you know it, you know it.
Best of luck.
How about this.
Give a commitment ring.
I also suggest living together for a year. Once the lust wears off in a relationship, there is only love.
He asked at the four month mark and we are planning the wedding right now. If it makes a difference, we are on the older side (33/34), Indian and living together. This is, in all honesty, not a situation that either of our parents are willing to tolerate without formalized commitment for very long.
We haven’t had the religious engagement ceremony yet, which is the point at which my parents will stop going to temple every day (probably).
So…let’s see??
Congratulations. Have you set a date yet?
I got engaged to my wife probably about a year and a half after we met, but about 6 months after we started dating. We then got married about nine months after the engagement. We are coming upon our 8 year anniversary.
No. We’re tentatively thinking Fall 2014.
There are some changes in job situation afoot that may change the budget…
Congratulations! I don’t think seven months is too early, especially if you’re having a long engagement. As others have said, when you know, you know. It is good to be together long enough for the stars of infatuation in your eyes to wear off a little bit, though. 
Thank you!
Congrats, Mr. Slant!
While we’re on the record, I’ll add that my wife and I were engaged in even less time and have been married for an even longer time. But generally speaking, it’s really a case by case thing. I do not recommend *everyone *get engaged after 3-6 months.
Where do you live in relation to your parents? Do you see this belief system continuing on to your relationship with your children as well?
Dear Mr. Slant, falling in love is absolutely amazing. I really am happy for you.
But slow down, man. If she really is The One, then you’ll be with her for the rest of your lives. You can do that whether you are or are not engaged or married.
My husband and I started talking about engagement just a couple of months into the relationship. We were 19, both ultra-conscientious college students, so the conversation was along the lines of, “My god, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so let’s totally get married after we graduate college.”
And that’s exactly what we did. We became engaged 3 years later. By that time I had experience living with him, I had met his family, I knew him better than anybody else in the world knew him. It was so perfect.
We married on our four year anniversary, one year later. No cold feet. No doubts. Just, ''Yes, this is the time."
I remember when we went on the honeymoon. Yes, it was romantic, but it was also SO comfortable. We’d already travelled together multiple times. (Never marry someone until you’ve travelled with them-think of it as a Christening of the relationship.) I looked over at my husband and realized I knew him. I knew how he acted when he was pissy, how he felt about children and God, I knew what he was like in the morning, and what he’s like when he’s sick (hardly ever.) I knew the things that irritated me about him and I knew how to handle being irritated. He wasn’t ‘‘my husband’’ so much as he was this guy I really loved spending time with.
Feelings are great, but feelings are being in love. Actually loving someone - that enduring love that lasts forever - that is not a feeling. Love is action. Love is staying up until 4am with your sick spouse, and doing the dishes even when you don’t feel like it, and holding your tongue when you’re so angry you could burst. It’s doing shit you don’t want to do because the relationship is more important. (Example: Eating in bed. My husband goes absolutely nuts over this because he worries about bugs. I really wish I could eat in bed, especially when I’m sick. But I don’t. Because love.)
I think you get the point. You don’t have that yet. You can’t possibly. It’s something you can only have with time. And that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t make your relationship any less special. It gives you a beautiful, solid, firm foundation upon which to build a life together.
My husband and I got engaged after ten months or so of dating. In our defense, we’d known one another for seven years at that point.
I didn’t vote since there was no “never again” choice.
Mr. Slant - I’m a little surprised that having been through the complete life cycle of a marriage before and being divorced that you are so quick to get engaged after one month. Perhaps the better question is, how long do you plan to stay engaged before you get married?
As others have astutely pointed out, you need to see your prospective partner in a number of adverse situations and not just judge this based on your hormones, which I suspect is going on here…and I’m surprised you didn’t come to that logical conclusion yourself given that you’ve had a divorce. I waited a year and a half with mine, and even then, I would have preferred two years. I was pretty sure she was the one, but both of us were being a little too “perfect” for one another. Ultimately, me going out of state to graduate school sped up my decision, and I figured if she could survive that then the marriage was solid. We just celebrated 15 years this month and are still very much in love. That said, after one month we had just started sleeping together, and even though though I had never been married, I remember telling myself “don’t go crazy just because the sex is great, all your friends like her, and she is great to hang out with”. In my case, I was suspicious of some of her family who are very religious while we are not.
When we got engaged, my healthcare plan allowed for ‘mental health’ services, and I asked if we could try some ‘pre-marital’ counseling to make sure we were truly compatible and both knew what we were getting into. I know it sounds weird because it makes it sound like I was dooming the marriage to failure from the start, but it really helped us both be less “perfect”. For example, my wife had been hiding some debt/spending issues that we surfaced in that session that I otherwise wouldn’t have found out about until much letter. That allowed us to start working on them right away as she had been avoiding them.
Congrats to you and your Slantress! Best wishes to you both and I’m sorry for the people who either skimmed the thread or didn’t read past the OP.
If you happen to need a non-denominational officiant and I’m within shouting distance in 2 years I’ll be tickled to hitch you!