Also, just checked the work schedule she spoke of (based upon when she told me she was and was not working and she even wrote it down for me without prompting prior to the 2 week period) during the time period when the motorcycle ride would have happened.
There is an extra shift added in. She works 6 shifts at 12 hrs each period 2 weeks. She supposedly worked 7 shifts during that pay period if I go by what she told me. However, that pay check is coming and she stated that she had no over time during it, without my prompting. I just now wrote it down and realized that. I’m nearly certain there was a day in there that she did not work yet claimed she did.
Again, can’t bring this up because I am accusing her of lying without the strongest of evidence and even if she is lying, she’ll just spin it away.
I agree with others. You sound obsessed with this, and you seem to lack trust in her (perhaps with good reason, although I’ll withhold judgment on that)
Why not just tell her it’s not working out and go on with your life?
I think the presumption is that if I admitted to asking her this one question and if I have these suspicions that I must be questioning her, etc all the time.
It just isn’t the case. I see odd things that don’t quite add up all the time but aren’t solid proof of anything, so I just keep my mouth shut.
The only time I’ve really gone off and told her exactly what I was feeling in my gut was when she was acting very odd with her phone. You can search out my other threads here as others have to find that.
Heck, I think she might fake orgasms quite regularly and all I’ve done is asked her about it on two occasions that were months apart and then dropped it and didn’t question when she said she wasn’t. Although I still think she has at least a dozen times based upon my past experiences with a decent number of sexual partners.
I think the assumption here is that she is evasive and odd because I am overwrought instead of the possibility that I am overwrought because she is evasive and odd.
But anyways, larger point taken: it doesn’t really matter.
I guess I feel the need to defend myself.
I am obsessed because I fell in love and slowly realized that perhaps I cannot trust her but there has never been a hammer blow where things were obvious. It’s just felt like death by a million slow paper cuts. So, I am trying to figure out whether she is trustworthy but I am being off and can fix that or some alternative.
I’ll say this. I’ve never been like this before in a relationship. She has many amazing qualities but was raised in a high conflict environment where evasiveness was a key to survival. Whereas outside of this situation, I am not like that at all. No one has ever called me controlling. I am very genuine and loved and trusted by my friends and family.
I’m just hurting now and venting on the 'net to folks and some are taking the piss out of me.
You’re not in love. You have an obsession with her. Love doesn’t result in the way that you behave and think about her in the way that you do. And she clearly doesn’t love you, if we are to believe the manner in which she treats you.
Honest question and no snark intended: At this point, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
The overwhelming majority of people have advised you to break it off, for a variety of reasons. When you’ve posted similar concerns in the past, the advice has been the same. Is it that you are trying to defend your honor against the accusations that you are obsessive / stalkerish / controlling / etc.? Because, if so, I think it’s fair to say that you would have a hard time changing people’s opinions about you (not saying that they are correct or not; just that people can be stubborn).
I think we’ve seen the writing on the wall, and it’s that the relationship is doomed. The question is, do you want to end it sooner (and on your terms), or sit and watch it die a slow, agonizing death? You can both do better, seeing as how each of you have different expectations in a relationship. While you are beating the dead horse that is this coupling, you are wasting time that could be better spent on finding the girl who is right for you.
I happen to be someone who remembers details and when someone tells me something and later contradicts themselves, it sets off a “ping” in my brain. It’s not even intentional, it just happens. (Most likely due to an experience with a person I dated who turned out to be a chronic liar.)
Once that “ping” goes off, I find myself on a higher alert with that person. There are legitimate reasons someone might contradict themselves, and certainly every one has lied more than once to get out of trouble, including me. And I don’t automatically assume the worse, but I become a little more vigilant.
There’s a certain type of person that lies more often than normal and in situations that aren’t your “basic white lie.” And if you start noticing the contradictions and the implausibility, it can start to drive you nuts. You can get to the point where you really don’t believe anything the person says and you feel you have to check up on things. Is this one a lie? Is it the truth? How can I find out? They are so nonchalant about lying, you think at first, it must be YOU. You’re misremembering or you got it wrong. But no, this is just how some people operate.
So long story short, if you find yourself doing this now, things are not going to get better. If this person lies as a matter of course, that is not likely to change and you will spend your time and energy always wondering. It gets to the point where you don’t confront the person because you won’t believe their response anyway. Having proof that they are lying does you no good. If you’re at that point in this relationship, you will never have trust. It’s just not worth the agony of not ever knowing the truth.
The sad thing is when you believe the person is good at heart and may not be doing anything so bad. They just developed lying as a survival skill in everyday interactions and relationships.
I think it gets embedded in some folk’s brain at an early age that it is necessary and okay to lie in order to get through life.
If they don’t suffer repercussions early on, then they likely think everyone is believing them. Any social fall out must be for some other reason, I think they believe. They do not have the experience of being a truthful person that can detect lies. So, I don’t think they know how non-liars view them and the world.
By the way, just came down with symptoms consistent with a venereal disease, and I have not slept with anyone for 6 months prior to this relationship and seemingly in perfect health. Going to the doctor to be tested. That would just be a perfect bookend to all this. This is one reason I was rather insistent on finding out the truth, despite other posters stating that time will reveal the truth and to relax. Hoping for the best.