IF a compliment is appropriate (and I’m dubious about that in this case, but assuming one is) it’s best IMHO to go with some specific observation.
Frankly, that applies to all compliments, not just on appearance…saying “you did that well” is less flattering AND less useful than saying “when you did x, I wasn’t sure where you were going, but when y occurred, I understood your plan.” Specific compliments show one is paying attention and (assuming they have a basis in reality) they are more believable.
Clearly when dealing with appearance one wants to steer clear of harassment-like compliments, but another area to be aware of is that some people don’t want to be complimented on the same thing everyone else mentions or something with negative connotations. I knew a very short lady who occasionally ranted “CUTE?! I’m cute? Why do I always have to be the cute one? Why can’t I ever be ‘mysterious’ or ‘dangerous’ or ‘athletic’ or ‘elegant’?” She had a point…people used “cute” because she was small.
Topologists are so crass. I personally like to complement a woman on the smooth Hamiltonian of her symplectic manifold. This usually terminates the conversation on a high note without the normal exponential decay of conversational half-life.
There was an article some years back commenting on a few attributes that movie stars have: an overly large head for their body, smaller in stature but excellent posture and proportions…and a symmetrical face. I think they cited Denzel Washington as having the most symmetrical face and how important that was.
Girl, you’ve been missing out. You and Denzel - mmm.
I get “cute” all the time and it’s infuriating. I prefer the compliments such as “you’re a spunky one” or “I find you oddly charming” rather than some lame “you look goooood” with the creepy looking up and down your body. The less I know the person, and the more intimate the compliment, the creepier. I had a male co-worker today tell me he liked my hair (I just got it cut). It was a sincere compliment, and I didn’t feel like he wanted to bone me.
If you are married, beware of the compliments to other women, I always think it odd when married men try to probe or make comments that I feel are a “come on”. You know, deep inside your corpus collosum, there is a shred of hope that maybe she’ll find you attractive as well and there will be reciprocation.
You all are real hoots today! (Vinyl T and Stranger)
Maybe I’m weird but I rarely assume an ulterior motive. If someone chooses to say something complimentary to me, I assume it’s because they wish to be nice, or are genuinely impressed with my loveliness.
“Hey Ellen! I love that skirt!” “Wow, Ellen you look nice today!” or even “You look just like Spring Itself!” always makes me happy. On the other hand, being told I “give great conversation,” could possibly be taken as a compliment, but sounded to me like a thinly veiled lecherous come-on.
That last thing may be my issue though. I’m still bitter about it.
I’m going to ask Mr. Washington if he would like to make some symmetrical faced babies with me. I’m sure he and his wife will be cool with that.
In the past six months I’ve had two different people comment on the symmetry of my face, but I can’t recall anyone saying that to me before that ever. The first wasn’t all that strange, as I was having my face measured at the optometrist’s office. He commented that my eyes and their setting on my face had near perfect symmetry. We’re talking about within less one or one half a millimeter, and then he asked if babies liked me. Um, I don’t know; I don’t really hang around babies.
Then maybe two weeks ago someone told me my face was very symmetrical. Why are people pointing this out to me all of a sudden? I suppose it’s a good thing, but strikes me as bizarre thing to point out to someone, and slightly more bizarre that the only two times I can remember anyone mentioning this to me have been since July.
Well I guess now all I need to do is shrink down, get a bigger head, straighten up my posture, and I’ll be a star!
Giada De Laurentiis totally fits the bill. When I have the Food Network on in my office, invariably a guy I work with will come in while she’s cooking and say, “oh, there’s the Big Giant Head. What’s she making today?”
Lacking anecdotal data, I put this to the test today. Background: I often go lunch with a work colleague. At lunch, we’re social, not professional (still, “just friends,” nothing more). Because she works in another building, we arrange trysts (definition 2, tyvm) by text. Today I texted the Spanish equivalent of this paraphrased message: “Hi [you]. I’d like to invite the most beautiful engineer from [her department] to go out for lunch today at noon. What do you think?” And then at noon, we had a fine, normal lunch together.
What you said is fine, and wouldn’t disturb or annoy most women. Compliments aren’t verboten; they just can’t be cheesy or creepy, or be coming from a guy who has an obvious angle, unless, of course, the lady shares his angle. Hell, just yesterday I had a phone call similar to yours. I called a co-worker who didn’t answer, and I didn’t leave a message. He called me back with “I see I missed a call from my beautiful colleague.” I said, “Oh. I called, too.” We proceeded to have a normal, business conversation, as if the “b” word were never mentioned. I don’t even think he was complimenting me, to be fair, though. I think he was just being a sales guy who likes blowing sunshine up people’s asses. If he were complimenting me, whatever, he wasn’t annoyingly unpleasant or weird about it.
