How to get immediate attention from people

[TruCelt]

My four-and-a-half year old Celtling has already figured out how to make the food come ata restaurant - Make Mommy get up and take you to the bathroom! On the rare occasions that it hasn’t been served when we get back she’ll lament “My magic didn’t work!”

Moms - how old was your youngest when you finally got to eat a hot meal?

[Muffin]

Had that hiking thing happen to me and my honey.

[Toucanna]

How to get immediate attention from people
Runs With Scissors
Just popped in to say the title/username combo made me do a double-take.

[voguevixen]

@Joey_P

This reminds me of a joke, which I will now butcher.
A bunch of people are talking about what they would want if they were stranded on a deserted island. One person responded “If I’m ever stranded on a desert island all I want is a bottle of vermouth, a bottle of gin, an olive, a martini glass, ice and a cocktail shaker. I bet that within a minute of me trying to make my first one, someone will tap me on the shoulder and say: that’s not the way you make a martini.”

Another version: start playing a game of solitaire - within minutes someone will look over your shoulder and say “Play the 8 on the 9.”

[Dr.Girlfriend]

Taking a nap will also make the UPS guy show up. Somehow I slept through the knocking and my cat freaking because “OMG SOMEONE’S AT THE DOOR!!”

[Bearflag70]

I was hovering near the front door awaiting a pizza delivery. Getting impatient, I decided I would MAKE the pizza arrive by going to sit down in the back room. I walked back to the other room and as soon as my butt hit the chair, the pizza guy knocked on the door. It worked!

Another trick is if you are behind a slow poke in the fast lane who refuses to speed up or move over, even with some slight tailgating, then you should simply switch to the #2 lane. The slow poke will speed up to a more reasonable speed.

[Taomist]

@voguevixen

How to get the bus to come: have someone light a cigarette.

True!

Also the boss one: Double True!

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Bearflag70

<snip>

Another trick is if you are behind a slow poke in the fast lane who refuses to speed up or move over, even with some slight tailgating, then you should simply switch to the #2 lane. The slow poke will speed up to a more reasonable speed.

That also works for supermarket check-out lanes - you can give a gift to other people in the lane you were in by moving to another one - the one you were in will now speed up.

[Senegoid]

@Cat_Whisperer

That also works for supermarket check-out lanes - you can give a gift to other people in the lane you were in by moving to another one - the one you were in will now speed up.

Factoid of life: The other lane always moves faster until you get into it.

[EvilTOJ]

@Phnord_Prephect

At the risk of giving away my age, I used to refer to the cigarette as a ‘magical stick of food-summoning’, in that when waiting for one’s order in a restaurant, the act of lighting a cigarette inevitably caused one’s waiter to appear with one’s food.

Actually, lighting up a cigarette in a restaurant nowadays *would * summon the waitstaff quickly, but they probably wouldn’t be happy to see you.

[carlotta]

Hey I haven’t seen the cat in awhile…wonder where she is…“kitty! kitty?” No kitty.

Guess I’ll read the paper.

[Silver_Tyger]

Parents / roommates out for a bit? As soon as you’re thirty seconds from orgasm, the front door opens… @#$!!!

[Annie-Xmas]

After her three kids left home, Erma Bombeck knew they would show up for dinner if all she cooked for herself and her husband were two thin pork chops and one potato.

OTOH, if she cooked enough pasta to feed an army, they wouldn’t see the kids for weeks.

[Silver_Tyger]

@Annie-Xmas

After her three kids left home, Erma Bombeck knew they would show up for dinner if all she cooked for herself and her husband were two thin pork chops and one potato.

LOL. If that happened, my mom would tell me, there’s the fridge, make your own damn dinner, if I wanted food what was I thinking coming over without telling her?

[Anaamika]

@Joey_P

This reminds me of a joke, which I will now butcher.
A bunch of people are talking about what they would want if they were stranded on a deserted island. One person responded “If I’m ever stranded on a desert island all I want is a bottle of vermouth, a bottle of gin, an olive, a martini glass, ice and a cocktail shaker. I bet that within a minute of me trying to make my first one, someone will tap me on the shoulder and say: that’s not the way you make a martini.”

This made me actually laugh out loud here in the office! That is awesome and so true.

[Ludovic]

@Runs_With_Scissors

Waitstaff at a Restaurant

There are two ways to guarantee immediate service at your table. 1. Pack your mouth full of food. 2. Have absolutely everything you could possibly want already.

My personal one is also to use the restroom, but it sometimes works even after you get your food. Cause then they might clear your plate, even if you’re only halfway through, thinking you’ve dined and dashed, adding insult to hunger. (Okay, that’s only happened once and I did get another free meal on the spot due to it, but I even wondered as I got up to go to the restroom “is there enough left that they’ll know I’m not done? Yeah, half the fries and at least a quarter of the burger are left, they won’t touch it!”)

[Lord_Il_Palazzo]

I once heard somebody respond to the old “if you could take one thing to a desert island” scenario by saying he’d take a deck of cards becasue all you have to do is start a game of solitaire and somebody will appear out of nowhere and say “Hey, you should put that red jack on the black queen.”

[notfrommensa]

When Dad gave me the “Talk” about masturbation, he said one of the best times to be “Jacking off” is when you are hopelessly lost in the woods.

Someone you know well stumble upon you.

[voguevixen]

@Lord_Il_Palazzo

I once heard somebody respond to the old “if you could take one thing to a desert island” scenario by saying he’d take a deck of cards becasue all you have to do is start a game of solitaire and somebody will appear out of nowhere and say “Hey, you should put that red jack on the black queen.”

Is there an echo in here?

(Post #24, lol)

[Crowbar_of_Irony_3]

No emergency at work? Just go ahead and apply for leave…