How to get immediate attention from people

[Antigen]

@carlotta

Hey I haven’t seen the cat in awhile…wonder where she is…“kitty! kitty?” No kitty.

Guess I’ll read the paper.

Ah yes, works every time.

That, and going into absolutely any room in the house and simply closing the door. Bam - there’s a paw stuffed under the door in seconds. Instant kitty!

Friends tell me the best way to get pregnant quickly is to plan a huge trip or event about 8 months away.

[Quercus]

Just pointing out that as of this moment, the next thread after
How to get immediate attention from people
is
**Farting In Public (Outside) **

[brittekland]

@Senegoid

Factoid of life: The other lane always moves faster until you get into it.

Life’s quandary: it always seems greener on the other side.

[Bearflag70]

@Runs_With_Scissors

Your SO

Go to a remote section of the house and do something that you prefer to do alone.

Anyone

Rip a big stinky fart. You could be the last person on earth at the Apocalypse, but confine yourself to a small space and rip a paint peeler, and I promise you someone will appear around the corner and stand right in the middle of the storm.

Well, I just experienced this combo.

[StusBlues]

Firearms have always worked for me. Whenever I set a 9mm automatic on my desk, I immediately have the undivided attention of every student in the room.

[Johnny_L.A]

@Phnord_Prephect

At the risk of giving away my age, I used to refer to the cigarette as a ‘magical stick of food-summoning’, in that when waiting for one’s order in a restaurant, the act of lighting a cigarette inevitably caused one’s waiter to appear with one’s food.

===============================
||                           ||
||   You must be at least    ||
||   this old ___________    ||
||   to get this reference.  ||
||                           ||
===============================
             | |
             | |
             | |
             | |
             | |
             | |
             | |
             | |
       \\\\\\\|///////

My dad demonstrated this phenomenon too, when I was a kid.

[tdn]

A few months ago I was having a hell of a time hailing a cab. There were a few businessmen waiting for one too, but they were in line behind me. After a long while I ignited a stick of cab summoning. It worked immediately. “Aww, right when you lit up!” said one of the businessmen. “Are you kidding?” I replied. “This is what made it come!”

I think I turned them into smokers.

[Bearflag70]

Another way to get a cab to appear, if you are a person of color, is to ask a white guy to hail the cab for you.

I was walking down the sidewalk and a black guy asked me to hail a cab because they wouldn’t stop for him. I saw him trying, but the cabs wouldn’t stop.

I raised my hand and a cab stopped immediately. He got in and went on his way.

[Hampshire]

If I want my wife to call me at home all I have to do is play Legend of Zelda and get to one of the cinematic cut scenes that you can’t pause or rewatch. It never fails.

[Polycarp]

@billfish678

Need a priest, a holy man, or perhaps even the local neighorhood gossip?

Step One. Make sure the doorbell is broken.

Step Two. Leave the side fence gate unlocked.

Step Three. Aquire a goat.

Step Four. Do something kinky in the backyard with said goat.

PS. I got this advice from a fellow doper but I am sworn to secrecy as to who it was.

Okay. Which of you ex-Mods broke the Oath of Silence about the goat thing?

[Laggard]

For some reason the term paint peeler sent me into gails of laughter.

And want your car to stop making that annoying undiagnosed sound? Take a mechanic with you every where you go.

[Shodan]

Back when I worked in a cube, all I needed to do to get someone to stop by was scratch myself in a personal spot.

They never wanted to shake hands, either.

Regards,
Shodan

[perfectparanoia]

@Laggard

For some reason the term paint peeler sent me into gails of laughter.

And want your car to stop making that annoying undiagnosed sound? Take a mechanic with you every where you go.

Additionally, if you want your computer problem to go away, call over the support person (I have several people here convinced I am magic).

[Rocketeer]

My sister has a knack for calling just at the climax of whatever movie I happen to be watching.

[TruCelt]

If I’m having one of those days when no one seems to be answering my e-mails or picking up the phone when I call; all I have to do is put off going to the bathroom for an extra 45 minutes. Every single one of them will be lining the hallway waiting to shoot the breeze.