Thank you for your opinion, Rachellelogram. It may sound as if I regret my decision, but at this point in my life, I don’t. I do miss the person he was, but am happy to be away from the drama his life has.
I often think of our estrangement as you mentioned, a way of making my father more reliant on his girlfriend. But that is an effect of my choice. And I believe he had a part in making that decision of continuing his relationship with her over continuing a relationship with me.
I realized I would get shit from people when I posted this. I am far from perfect. I’m young and I don’t always have the right answers when life gets messy because I don’t have the life experience.
I would also like for others to know that I didn’t post “the whole story”. Meaning that I didn’t describe our past relationship, nor his personality, nor the actual details of the situation. And I know without this information, it falls in a grey area (like Rachellelogram said). But revealing that much of myself is too difficult for me, this thread was my baby step towards talking about it instead of pretending I’m unaffected.
That’s very fair. And thanks for reading my post without taking offense! So, taking as writ that your decision was justified and you do NOT regret it, welcome to the dad-estrangement club!
My advice is to fill your life with good people and good things. And know that you’re not a bad person. And seriously consider talking to a therapist. They can give you advice on specific coping techniques. Keep in mind that you’ll need to be totally honest with them to get honest advice. It’s understandable that you don’t want to tell the whole story here, but make sure you tell it all to a therapist (if you go). To do anything else is just a waste of your time/money. Also keep in mind that therapists have their own biases, and they’re not all equally good at setting them aside for the benefit of their patients. So if a therapist tells you that you made the wrong decision, you should keep looking.
The advice that I (or anyone here) can provide is limited to our personal experiences and may not be all-encompassing. I can tell you how I’ve dealt with it, although it may not be particularly helpful to you if our experiences were quite different. Still, it’s nice to know you’re not alone, so here goes:
My father was an abusive alcoholic who my mom divorced when I was 11 (which was 11 years too late). I’m 29 now. It’s been more than 6 years since I spoke to him. Breaking off communication with my dad was actually the easiest part. The years preceding that decision were very difficult (he was sexually abusive, left me with trust issues for years). Cutting those ties set me free. I still occasionally mourn the fact that I wasn’t born to a good man, but I try to use it as motivation to be a good woman. I guess you could say it works. And even if my father had no business having kids, I’m grateful that I was born at all.I’m pretty much an open book about that part of my life, but I’ve had a long time to adjust to it. If you want to PM me, you can definitely feel free.
Thank you very much for sharing part of your story, Rachellelogram. I appreciate you being so honest about your own issues to help me with mine.
I do agree that I would benefit from a therapist, but I fall into the middle area of not making enough money to have insurance and making too much to get government assistance. If that changes, I will seek a professional to help me work through my issues.
And thanks for the offer to PM you, it means a lot to know that I can talk to someone that can relate to what I’m going through.