I guess you’re entitled to your lack of backbone (you don’t drop hints, for Og’s sake, you just say, “No thanks, I’m going to head home” and you leave; I swear it’s not rude). All I’m saying is don’t act like you had no choice when you clearly did, and then complain about the situation when it was of your own making.
Ohhhh, I thought it was only for people actually doing it. Very cool! I’ll try to contact them.
Yuck, DC :p. If you’re in town here though, definitely let me know! I swear I’m much nicer in real life :).
Look, this is clearly going nowhere. I consider it to be rude to simply leave a situation in which you promised to spend time with other people; you do not. I was trying to be nice is all and expected others to maybe show up later.
When I was in a similar position (a decade ago), I ended up making some awesome work friends who were anywhere from 5-30 years older than me. I actually think I like the oldest ones best. We go out to bars and have a great time. They have good perspective to offer, and I get to share my “idiot kid” life with them; works for everyone.
Plus, being a dude, these friends (male or female) love to try to hook me up with hotties by telling them that I’m they’re son (acting like a stereotypical Jewish couples-maker). It’s fun.
So are the girls they hook me up with.
And yet you keep replying to me… 
But don’t worry: after this post I’m going home, and will totally ignore you until at least tomorrow.
Argh! You didn’t promise to spend 2 hours with the guy! You promised to see a certain movie with him, and then the movie was cancelled. As I said the first time, once the original planned activity was cancelled you had no further obligation to spend time with him. You can write this off as you being less rude/more nice than me if you want, but you’re just making excuses for doing something pretty dumb – which was hanging out alone with a guy who gave you the creeps way longer than you needed to – and then complaining about it. This is my whole point, that you think you did something nice and sweet and polite when actually you did something spineless and unneccessary and almost stupid.
Oh, I know- I’ve been meeting people over the interwebs for years now. But I’m surprised at how many people pull out the old “But aren’t you scared??” crap if you tell them how you augment your social life by meeting people from online. A lot of people still think that only geeks and weirdos use computers to meet people, even though they have computers themselves.
I think I’d make like Misnomer and say that I wasn’t up for it because of the movie being canceled. Or just say you’re really tired and bail. Cite cramps if you have to. I don’t think you owe some random guy from the Internet much more than that.
Yeah, it’s total bullshit, but can you think of a better sales pitch? “Because you’re too weird to meet people the normal way” probably isn’t going to work.
That said, I tried internet dating once (in the 90s, for 15 minutes? Is that how that goes?), and immediately concluded it was a complete waste of time, and that I should go back to doing things the good old fashioned way. It is a horrible medium for finding actual people and determining real, everyday, face-to-face compatibility. Hell, you can’t even tell what the person looks like, even if he shares a photo, but enough about that. So fast forward to a million years later, and I’m no longer looking to date online, but would like to meet friends in a strange and foreign land. I still have some misgivings about how effective it can be to seek relationships (of any kind) online, but gave meetup.com a go anyway. It’s not bad. The thing I like about it is that you mainly go to group outings, which is much like meeting a group of strangers in any other way --starting a new job, new school, whatever-- and you will immediately know who you connect with. At some point, you identify the people you get on with, and hang out outside of the group activities. And if you don’t like anyone, unlike school or work, you can just stop going.
So it’s kind of tricky, but it can be done. I don’t attend anymore meetup activities, but have maintained one friend from when I did. It’s a good whirl if the group is centered on something you really like, and is large enough to you can find at least one or two cool kids who you really connect with.
For the record, I’ve been here too long to claim I’m new in town, but I didn’t grow up here, none of my friends from high school, college or my old jobs are here. 100%, save one person, of my friends in town are from work and the bar. But I did have fun with my net groups, and did come to know one cool peep who I sincerely call my friend.
In conclusion, meeting new friends as an adult isn’t any easier online than it is in real life, but if you find the right group in either case, you’re all right.
Well, and the stats point to a lot of people meeting via the intertubes and getting into relationships/marrying. I think girls have a bigger fear than guys. The same people who fear meeting people from the internet have no problem having someone come to their house for a Craigslist item, either :smack:. I’d never date people at a workplace, either. I don’t shit where I eat, so to speak. But that too is a pretty common - if much more problematic - way to meet dates.
One of the sweetest, funniest people I worked with last summer was 83. He was an absolute riot; I loved hearing his wisdom and guidance and he loved hearing about my goals and aspirations. We got along swimmingly. But most people in their 40’s and 50’s are raising kids and the like - no time to be friends.
Please go away. You have in no way have contributed to the original OP, so either answer the original question or please just leave. I’m not calling you names or saying your behavior is “worse” than mine or making judgment calls. So please…either answer the OP or leave. Plain and simple.
I’ve managed to meet people at work, grad school, hobbies, and via the internet. I met my SO over the internet, and we’ve been married over five years and we’re going strong.
I got sucked into the bar thing shortly after I graduated college. I don’t love social interaction for its own sake, so I found it superficial, tedious, and expensive. I was not able to form any lasting relationships with random people I met.
I met some very good people at the SDMB years ago and in a number of ways, we have grown up together.
I’ve never done this, but a former colleague swore by the Hash House Harriers. She loved being part of this club. I don’t know if there are any chapters in your area, but it does look fun.
Sounds like we need more Dopefests. Only, in a world of introverts, who’s going to organize one?
Just poppin in to say that I’m in the same boat. I moved to Delray Beach, Florida with the spouse,Nashiitashii, as she landed an awesome job here. Only problem is that it seems to be filled with old people and club-yuppies. Most of the meetup stuff is either woo-woo reiki healing, or knitting circles. I don’t know anyone, and though I’m really good at parties, I hate just going to some place and hanging out randomly. She’s got a few friends from high school in the area, but they all live 40 minutes away. No good for casual drinks or something unplanned. I’m thinking of auditing a class or two at the local college just to meet people closer to my age and interests.
I’ve actually been thinking I’d like to attend one. (I live in NYC.) I’m definitely shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time, but it might be cool.
Seconding Maeglin’s suggestions. Being in grad school again for me has made it easier. Makes sense since you’re around people with your interests. Also, meeting people through friends of friends. It’s kind of like a web. You meet one person and then they know people and then so on in that fashion.
Ha! An old boyfriend of mine does this in Asheville. The thought of running and drinking already makes me wanna puke though.
I agree with you on the barfly scene - in the various Meetup groups the “bar” on Friday or Saturday night is always super popular. Expensive and not that enjoyable. Not good for the waistline, either.
Acid Lamp, I feel ya. And you guys don’t have kids either. Have you thought about joining a CFC group - childfree by choice? I’ve heard good things about them on this board.
I’ve known a few people who’ve met a lot of good people via meetups. I haven’t tried it, but it makes sense to me.
Most of my friends I’ve met through other friends. I have a circle of friends I met through one person: my hairdresser. After seeing her a handful of times she asked me to meet up with them after work and I did. Now I regularly hang out with any of about five of the girls who work there.
We have dinner or hang out and through that they’ve met some of my friends and vice versa.
One can rarely have too many friends.
Not a bad idea! I signed up to go to a beer geek event next week though! Go me!
It may not be a great habit, but it’s how a lot of people socialize. I’m not saying you should get wasted every night, but if you can’t hang out with people for a couple of drinks after work or kickball or whatever, you do limit your ability to socialize somewhat.
Yeah, I remeber that thread. So a “Ron” is a smarmy creepy douchebag.
I got inspired to join Meetup.com for Scrabble. The only problem is that the only Scrabble group with an actual meet up scheduled (and in Manhattan–I don’t generally leave the island unless I have to!) is for lesbians. I’m wondering how ethical it is for me to attend. (And what this says about msmith’s theory about women disliking socializing with other women!)
Freudian Slit, I’d just join the Scrabble group itself - when you join a particular group, they ask “well, introduce yourself!” blah blah I moved here in blah blah I’m in grad school/work as an accountant/walk dogs for a living. You can say “I hope you guys don’t mind, I really love Scrabble but I like men!” Shouldn’t be a problem, IMO.
I didn’t get that he was smarmy or creepy. I got that he was egotistical and narcissistic about his significantly below-average abilities.
Let us know how it goes!
Sleeps With Butterflies, that’s so funny you met tons of people through your hairdresser. Never heard of that before!
But that’s just going to a neutral place with work people or with kickball people. We do this in NYC because our homes often aren’t equipped to accommodate lots of people on short notice and we often have strong boundaries between our work and personal lives by necessity. This is different than going to the bar to meet new people.
There’s nothing wrong with being a barfly. I kind of was for awhile, and at the most basic level, it worked. I worked jobs with terrible hours, so it was my only real social outlet and the bars were full of attractive and very often willing women. But most of the time I found it really tedious and I have no lasting relationships to speak of from that period in my life. I never managed to meet anyone I really was able to give a shit about over the course of about a year and a half, going out 3-4 times a week, ranging from painfully trendy places downtown to neighborhood pubs. I’m glad I met my wife when I did, because going out to get laid started to seem like a huge chore.
I didn’t know you lived in Manhattan. I can introduce you to some people. 