How to resurrect Two and a Half Men

Charlie has died (in mysterious circumstances involving triplets)…

The episode opens with the family returning from the funeral. It turns out that there is no will, so it looks like Alan has the Beach House, the piano and the cars.

An previously unknown older half-brother (new character) shows up and asserts his right on Charlie’s estate. A Judge’s order dictates that Alan and the half-brother must share the house.

And there we are, back to Two and a Half Men. An ongoing gag would be Charlie’s ex-girlfriends showing up to claim part of the estate.

Mentioned in another thread: have another actor play Charlie. A different guest starring actor every week: Scott Baio, John Stamos, Olivia Newton John, Ned Beatty- just keep it moving and make no comments about how Charlie has changed.

The ‘half-a-man’ is now a full grown man. Get rid of him, kill off Charlie. Give John Cryer his own show called “One Man”. Or “Last Man Standing”. Jump ahead a few years, recast the son with someone a bit older, who has unfortunately pursued Charlie’s lifestyle. Shows up after a shaky rehab on his father’s doorstep with his own young son, and then it can be “Two and A Half Men” again.

He would have to be called “Chuck.” It’s* three - three - three jokes in one!*

This is my favorite options I’ve heard!

Since Jake is now a Man, have Charlie die and an previously unknown 10 year old son show up who moves in with Jake & Alan, become the new half-man.

Get rid of Charlie, leaving Alan and his pretty much grown son=two men+one transsexual=2 1/2 men.

Cast somebody reliable in the role of Charlie.

I’m thinking Andy Dick.

Sheen is no good!? Get me Gary Busey!

I would imagine that Sheen’s contract requires that they use him or pay him.

No need to kill him off. Given the deterioration in Charlie Sheen’s appearance caused by two and a half decades of boozing, humping, and pharmaceuticals, I think a skilled makeup artist could probably do up Martin Sheen to pass as an acceptable substitute.

But they’d still have to pay him and Martin, and there really isn’t any reason to believe that Martin would take his son’s job.

I’m trying to figure out a scenario that leaves Jake in the care of Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell. Because I’d watch Holland Taylor and Conchatta Farrell sit around and make jokes about the phone book.

Alan finally snaps and bludgeons Charlie to death. When he goes to jail (or on the lam depending on how you want to write it), Jake is left in the care of his grandmother. She hires Conchatta Farrell to continue the same job she did at Charlie’s.

Being sassy while holding a laundry basket?

Genre shift!

Bring back Melanie Lynskey as Rose, who is high up in the Vatican Assassin Warlocks (also the new title), & recruits the guys to fight the forces of darkness (including Alan and Charlie’s mother). Action ensues.

Recast Alan & Charlie: Alan will be played by Matthew Broderick, because why waste a good comic actor on a dark fantasy series? Charlie by Emilio Estevez.

Surely the proper question is “Why?”.

Just replace Charlie with a “cousin”… Emilio.

Replace Charlie with Cousin Oliver

Then have him make a motorcycle jump over a tank full of sharks.