I agree with a lot of what people have said on here. I kind of do the same thing when I compare my three brothers and their lifestyles (much more money than I have), but it’s not a fair comparison because they all have marriages of long standing, and all have been in good jobs for a very long time. Me, I am divorced and supporting two kids on $30,000 and just had my pay cut. That’s life.
Try to remember something I have told my son, who barely finished high school and has trouble holding onto jobs. The world NEEDS people who will work at the fast food counter. We NEED people who will work in a cube farm. I am thankful for those people, because I could never do it. I have had people tell me they could never do my job (paralegal). But I need the challenge and most of the time I even enjoy it. So please don’t put yourself in the position that you are lower life form (not quoting anyone) because your job doesn’t rank, at least in your mind. If it is stifling you, follow the excellent advice in other posts and have a plan in mind for the future.
As was said before, your boyfriend doesn’t have a problem with it, because he hasn’t said he does. Don’t create issues where there aren’t any.
I think we need a ruling from the OP on this - are you just unhappy because your boyfriend has something you think you want and don’t have, or are you truly unhappy at your job?
I guess what makes me unhappy is how excited and passionate he is about working. I can handle my job but the second he started making it sound so important so as to spend less time with me and force me to wonder if I too should have a job I consider important enough to eat more of my time is when I thought I wasnt doing enough with my life. I am just not sure that lifestyle is for me and I think I am just stressing myself out over nothing.
I hear you, yulesgate. My husband has always loved his work, ever since we were in college and he was doing computer-y things at all hours of the night for classes and work-study. I was plugging along, TAing, getting through classes and hoping that I’d end up with that enthusiasm; it’s one of the things I love best about him.
It’s now nine years later, I just defended my Ph.D. thesis in December, and the difference is still there. I’m better at accepting it now, and I do like my work for the most part, but I’m not sure I’ll ever have the enthusiasm that he does. I’m okay with that because I have a lot of things outside work that interest me and because, for me, it was sort of a conscious decision to not try harder to define myself by my work. My big problem now is whether my level of interest is going to be enough to sustain me in the career I’ve chosen.
The only thing that worries me is the part where you say he’s working rather than spending time with you. How far has his work/you balance shifted? I would be upset if my husband ignored me too much in favor of work, no matter how much he loved his job.
Are you jealous because he’s found a great job, or are you jealous because he’s getting satisfaction outside of you.
Other than your job and your boyfriend, what else do you have/do be/are? Some of us get little satisfaction from our jobs, but love our hobbies. Or we have deep friendships, or our job provides resources so we can travel. If you get the majority of your satisfaction through him, and suddenly he is doing this rewarding thing that isn’t you, it would be really easy to become jealous and adrift. You don’t need to combat that with an equally great job (few people are really that lucky - especially right out of college), but you may want to find other things to do that you do find rewarding.
Another thing is that we men often have to work long hours at a job because we have to. “I am just not sure that lifestyle is for me” isn’t really an option. We can’t just say “once we’re married then I plan to quit work”.
Really?, I know several guys who have done just that. Including an M.D. who decided to leave general practice to raise his kids (his wife is a dermatologist. I lost my M.D. when he decided to quit).
Then again, maybe I’m just exposed to too many 30-something single crazy New York chicks who are looking to be taken care of by some lawyer or investment banker so they can quit their $50,000 a year job at Vogue.