I think she owes it to herself to take one last shot at getting through to him before bolting. Perhaps if she demonstrates a willingness to leave, he’ll take that as a wakeup call.
He’s too old for you and everything you tell us makes him sound like an insensitive, self centered asshole to boot. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship.
One thing I can tell you is that thinking you can change a guy – especially a guy that old – is extremely naive. He’s not going to “soften.” He is who he is. Whatever you do, operate on the assumption that he will always be as he is now.
Right on.
Realizing that I have a history (when I was much younger) with controlling, emotionally abusive men and that a lot of my feelings about this is me projecting… I have to say that I just don’t see this relationship ending well. The incongruency in the OP- “we have a great relationship!” plus “he doesn’t give a shit how I feel but I have to walk on eggshells when it comes to his feelings” really confuses me. What about this relationship is good? You can’t talk to him honestly about your feelings or your needs, you have to mother him and stroke his fragile ego or he makes you very unhappy, and you’re not getting good sex. A least with most of my crazy exes I could say “But the sex is amazing”- you can’t even say that. Don’t waste your life with this loser, who will eventually bring you down to his level and make you a loser, too.
I could not help but notice that we almost share a birthday.
I would like to volunteer my services as a stand-in head giver.
Have tongue, will travel (down there)
Hell yeah. My parents have been married for 40-odd years and never should have been married at all. My dad does what he does, and my mom has been whining about his behavior for 40 years. Why won’t he do X for me? You’d think he would do Y because he knows it’s important to me. And on and on, ad nauseam. Mom, I knew he won’t ever do X or Y or even Z for you when I was six years old. Result: she’s been miserable for 40-odd years, and is very likely to be until death does them part. Because she refuses to accept him the way he is (and with good reason, he’s a jackass), but she stubbornly refuses to cut him loose. Talks about it, but won’t ever do it. Stupid, stupid.
Cut your losses, hon. There are lots of other fish in the sea.
How you doin’? 
Amen, amen, amen. I also agree with Diogenes. Do you really want to spend some of the best years of your life with a guy who you can’t talk to? Then again, maybe it’s just me because older guys definitely don’t do it for me.
Buying him Depends and denture cleaner?
OK. I’ve been lurking for a while now, and seems that it was THIS thread that made me pony up my hard-earned 15 bucks…
Taking some of your words from this here thread
Bolding mine…sounds like you’re settling. It seems to me that you’ve been iffy on this guy for a while. You’re too young to be tied down to an insecure, middle aged, manipulative ass.
G’wan on and git! And git you some worth gittin’! 
Well, actually right now I’m a little upset, because I just realized I could have a fulfilling relationship based entirely on oral sex.
I had no idea I was so shallow. Oh well.
Thanks! Welcome in! Glad to see you know how to use the search functionality already 
NightRabbit - it’s obvious you’re applying critical thought and some objectivity to a really personal situation. Congratulations, you’re well ahead of a good chunk of the population! I hope that, however you decide to handle things, it works out well for you.
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Really Not All That Bright** - I’m right there with you. It’s a little sad, but sort of gratifying, all at the same time. Isn’t ambiguity awesome?
Like most here, I’m skeptical as to whether this is the guy for you but, assuming for the sake of argument that you’re with him for a good reason (you do know more about it than anyone here, after all), I do have one bit of advice to give.
I think you’re right that it was not “a good conversation to have.” Apparently, his reaction was pretty predictable. You should have seen to it that the oral sex happened “naturally” – by which I mean that, during foreplay, you should have just started insisting, playfully and/or sluttily, that he get between your legs and go to town (only without the euphemisms; be filthy). Presto! Naturally occurring oral sex.
Unfortunately, the ship may have sailed on this particular strategy now that you’ve tipped your hand. I’d wait a few weeks and give it a go.
The funny part is that it doesn’t really bother me that I don’t need love and affection and all that fluff, just that I don’t need regular penatrative sex.
I’m in a head-rut!
NightRabbit, I finally got me a paid subscription for the sole purpose of addressing this to you. Your boyfriend is my ex. Run, as far away and as fast as you can go. He will not change. I was married to my ex for 18 years. He was like this at the age of 24 when we met, and he was like this when he walked out 19 years later.
The thing is, and I am just guessing here as I have not read your other posts thoroughly, I am thinking he is this rigid in many/all other areas of his life. If he is not willing to bend, compromise, whatever, with sex, he sure as heck ain’t going to compromise anywhere else. You will compromise until you won’t know yourself from a hole in the ground. Relationships shouldn’t be like that. Go out and find true beauty, experience a guy that wants to be with you and treat you the way you deserve. Please trust me on this. You are far too young.
Buy a Barbie doll and a Ken doll. Leave them lying around with Barbie on her back and Ken’s head between her legs. Barbie’s ever smiling visage should get the message across.