Because I’ve come to the conclusion that I really, really suck at kissing ass. When I think of all the things I could have gotten from kissing ass:
Two college educations
A rich doctor husband
Most recently, a car
And these are the big things. I have to admit, that these were all from my mother, and my pride has many reasons for standing tall in those cases, but I can’t even kiss ass at work.
I have thought many times about swallowing my pride and taking whatever is offered, but the cost just seems too high. Taking something from my mother would mean forever being indebted to her, which I am enough already, merely by being raised by her. (I’m adopted.) And she is not a good person to be indebted to.
I rarely get in trouble with my mouth or anything, I just can’t kowtow enough to go the other way either.
How about you guys? Is there a skill to it, a knack? How do you do it and still look in the mirror? Or is it no problem, do you just think “Ha! I fooled them” and move on?
I cannot do it to save my life. I cannot bear to watch other people do it. When other people do it to me, I feel like puking.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me as a result of refusing to ass-kiss. My younger sister is even better – she routinely tells her bosses exactly where to stick it, and she gets raise after raise, promotion after promotion. And her bosses are lawyers!
While I’m very good at not actively pissing people off, I’m not very good at taking that extra step and kissing their ass. I just can’t think of how to do it. . .I mean, the only thing I can think of is flirting, and. . .well. . .no. A thousand times no.
I make a point of telling my bosses up front that I don’t kiss ass. If I think they’re doing something dumb, I’m going to tell them to their face. I’ve failed to get a couple jobs that way, but I’ve also gotten a couple great bosses who value what I have to say and know that when I give praise, they earned it. (yes, I give praise to my bosses just like I do to my underlings).
Nup. I’ve been yelled at, mentally and spiritually broken, had vicious rumours put roud about me and I’ve been in employment hell – but I still will not kiss someone’s arse and tell 'em their roses just to get an even break. I don’t look down on those who do it. Everyone has to get by, somehow. But there will always come a time when my ethics gets in the way. That time comes sooner, rather than later.
I’m a terrible ass-kisser, also. The best bosses and co-workers for me are the ones who are also forthright and honest, even to the point of abrupt. That’s what I give, and that’s what I like to get.
The only time I’ve really lied and laid it on thick was when I was trying to leave an abusive boyfriend, and he wouldn’t physically let me leave the apartment. To calm him down, I told all kinds of big lies about him and our relationship, and I was shocked at how the bigger the lie, the better he believed it. Then I packed my stuff and left in the morning while he was still sleeping.
I wouldn’t lie and kiss ass now if my life depended on it.
Can’t do it. Rather, I suppose I could, but I can’t bring myself to. It’s the principle of the thing, I suppose. I really wish I could though, especially at college - I know I suffered needlessly in comparison to others more proficient in the art. What’s worse, if I notice that I’m required to kiss ass, I end up doing the exact oppositte - which I know I will regret later on.
I’m glad it’s not just me. And to be honest, I might have tried once or twice in a job…except I never, ever think of it until afterwards. My natural reaction is to speak honestly or don’t speak at all.