The offer doesn’t represent good manners if it’s money. Quite the opposite, IMHO.
Offering something else - food, drink, a returned favor of a different sort - does.
Yes. Offering money could turn a pleasant encounter into an insult. Offering a beer is a good compromise but (a) beer may be unfeasible for various reasons, (b) in this case the favor was worth much more than a beer, and (c) offering an entire case of beer would be like offering cash.
I disagree. It would be normal for the guy to offer some thanks anyway, even if it’s an insincere offer to join him for a beer.
It doesn’t apply here (neighbors may be in similar income brackets) but income inequality may exacerbate the issue. The obviously rich guy should pick up the restaurant or bar tab, but you wouldn’t know it from reading SDMB threads.
One way we avoid the possible insult where I live is to give a little cash to the guy’s kid! Instead of "He’s insulting me by thinking I need money for a small favor. :o " the guy thinks "He admires my beautiful son! 
"
If I were offered money in this situation I’d be offended. It’s simply bad manners to offer cash in this situation.
What would be appreciated would be a thank you note. In fact in this day and age it would be cherished.
The way I’ve done it (and has been done for me) is to leave a couple of mix-6’s on their porch with a thank you note.
So he went to help his neighbor hoping to get something? Doesn’t seem like a kindness to me.
The problem lies with the expectation. If you’re offering help with the expectation of an offer of reciprocity, then there ARE strings attached to your kindness. And that’s not how I was raised anyway. Expecting an offer of something, is no different than expecting cash. It’s the expecting where the problem lies, not the worth, nature, or stripe of the reciprocity.
Did you ever find out if Mr. J said thank you or offered praise for his help?
No, he was not hoping for something. He did it to help the guy out - he was surprised that he didn’t offer him anything because if he (my husband) had received that much help he would have offered something.
“Common courtesy” isn’t.
I would expect an offer of a beer or 3 but not an offer of pay. An offer to pay would be kind of weird to me. If I was still a teen-aged it would be different. Then a small offer of pay would have been gratefully accepted.
If I helped out a neighbor, I would not expect any compensation. You’re helping somebody out. If you need to purchase something to finish the job, you ask for the money then. (“We need to buy some pipe to fix this. It’ll be about $50.”)
If somebody helped me fix something, I’d offer them a beer as we admired our work, but I wouldn’t straight up offer to pay them. That’d be weird and, IMHO rude. It’s like saying, “I know you didn’t come over here because you’re nice. We both know you came over here to get some money.”
I would never expect a monetary offer, but the few times it happened, the correct answer is, “Thanks, no. But go ahead and give a donation to food bank/homeless shelter/literacy program.” I used to say Wounded Warrior Project, but it turned out they weren’t on the up and up.
This may be relevant. Or it may not be.
Last week I was at a restaurant that had a large, outdoor waiting area. A group of 30 or so people were arranging themselves for a photo. One of the group came over to me and asked if I would do the honors.
I went over there to find seven iPhones and a DSLR. I took a couple photos with each phone, then several more from the camera. The ‘leader’ gushed her appreciation and offered to buy me a beer for my trouble.
I declined the beer. All was good.
But if she had offered me money I would have been all WTF inside.
mmm
The question is did you expect some/any offer of reciprocity? Would you have had cause to reflect, on it’s absence, if no such offer had been made?
I would consider it an insult if a neighbor offered me money for helping out. It just says “I don’t want to be neighborly with you, or feel obliged to watch for an opportunity to make myself useful in return. So here, take this, this is easy and quick.”
It’s kind of like how you don’t tip the owner of a salon when they cut your hair. Tips are for staff, not owners. Some owners are struggling and would really be happy to see the money, but it just isn’t done. Instead one send a gift at the holidays, or refers a few friends to the business.
Money does not exchange hands between friends and neighbors. I realize that the rules I live by are a little olde fashioned, but then, the neighbor in the OP is 70, so could be the same set he’s living by.
Where I come from, it is not particularly good form to offer pay to someone who volunteers to to help out as neighbors have done since time immemorial and it certainly is not good form to expect to be paid. Your pay is the good will you earn and and the enhancement of your reputation in the community.
Years ago a neighbor knocked on my door asking for help. He just walked home a mile after getting his ATV stuck. It was sticky goey mud like peanut butter. Neither of us had ever seen anything like it anywhere in our area before.
When a whinch cable broke, I swore, and he automatically said he’d get it fixed.
3 hours of hard sweaty labor later we got it out.
Even though he asked for help, the idea of cash never crossed either of our minds.
This. If it’s a favor, it is something you do with no thought of recompense. You’re not entitled to it – didn’t make any negotiations about incurring any debts. You’re not even entitled to gratitude. It was your (in this case the OP’s husband’s) offer.
I would not expect to be offered any compensation beyond a sincere thank-you. Has it occurred to Mr.
J that the elderly neighbor was hanging his own door because he can’t afford to hire someone else to do it?
No - Mr J, the neighbor is not hurting for money. He just thought he could do it on his own, but the door was pretty heavy - that’s why he was struggling.