I am a sleeplaugher

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My name is Crayons… and I am a sleeplaugher.

hangs head in shame

I do not walk in my sleep. I do not talk in my sleep. But I may, I just might… laugh my ass off!

It happens only rarely. Something in Dreamland will tickle my funny bone and “bwa-ha-ha-ha” I’m laughing, the bed’s shaking, which wakes me up, wakes up disgruntled Fatcat, wakes up surprised Littlecat, and any loved one who may be sleeping next to me.

So last night I dreamt my former co-worker was getting married. A very small, very somber mini-wedding for her fiance’s family here, before they moved to the other side of the country and had a bigger wedding for everyone else. Somehow, with dreamland logic, I was chosen for the matron of honor, or some similar equivalent.

So the music started, and we did the weding march thing, step-together-step-together, but it was in more of a drawing room than a hall so instead of walking down the aisle we weaved around all the seated guests. My former co-worker is very tall and I was falling behind because she has a much bigger stride. To catch up, I had to march in a great, big goose-stepping style --ste-e-ep-together-ste-e-ep-together-- and was thankful that I was wearing a pantsuit, because I would have looked like a saloon girl doing the Cancan had my wedding outfit included a skirt.

At the front of this drawing room was the pulpit. And there was a very important, old German tradition the groom’s family had to do. Well, it’s not German tradition on this planet, but it’s an old German tradition in CrayonsDreamlandWorld: the eldest sister of the groom had to give a very somber and serious speech welcoming the bride to the family. In German, of course.

So the eldest sister, wearing her babushka (everyone was wearing a babushka) got up, went behind the pulpit… And as an essential part of this very old, very austere, very serious tradition, reached under the pulpit, grabbed a blue balloon, inhaled half of its contents, and started to give her very somber and serious speech in squeaky, chipmunk, helium German.

That’s about when I lost it.

I was lauging my ass off in real life. The sound of my own voice and my body shaking with laughter woke me up, and my deranged cackling startled the cats. And I didn’t get a good night’s sleep at all. I tried to go back to sleep, but my brain would do an instant replay of the helium-huffing sister of the groom, and “bwa-ha-ha-ha” I’d be wide awake in a fit of giggles.

This happens rarely, but I am a sleeplaugher. Sound asleep I’ll be, and I’ll be laughing… until the gales of laughter finally shake me awake. As I get older, it’s been happening more often. Maybe my dreams are funnier. What’s wrong with me?

I am weird. I am really tired. I really need coffee.

2

My ex-wife was a great sleep talker for a few years. I used to lay in bed reading long after she had gone to sleep and sometimes she would start having amazing bullshit conversations with me. If I could stay with the flow of her thinking I could keep her talking for ages but if I made a slipup she just shut off. In the morning I would tell her what we had been talking about and it made no more sense to her than it did to me.

3

I am somehow completely unsurprised by this revelation.

4

I’m an exclusively sleeping-laugher. About once a year, apparently, I conjure for myself a dream that has me giggling, guffawing and gasping for breath in my amusement. This freaks my poor wife out of her socks because, as she noted after the first time, I never laugh aloud when awake. Nor do I remember more than the barest outline of what was so funny when I wake up, which is what I think annoys her most. Recently I dreamt that the President of the United States named me Secretary of Crap and Stuff. Awake, the idea arouses not a chortle, but the idea of heading the U.S. Department of Crap was utterly hilarious during R.E.M.

I figure laughter is part of a physiological mechanism to release stress, which makes them closely related to sleep. I don’t know why we *all * don’t chuckle 'til dawn.

5

Crayons, I’m similarly afflicted, although usually in considerably more juvenile fashion. Often I’ll tell myself a joke I’ve never heard before and I’ll wake both myself and my wife up just shaking with laughter. Even awake I’ll think man, that was really funny and marvel at the human subconscious.

However, last night it was just a dream in which I was with some good ol’ boy friends and we’d stopped in some country restaurant. I’d had to go to the restroom, an elevated outhouse right next to the main dining room that just had a sheet for a door. Perched in the disturbingly audible contraption I suddenly cut the loudest, ripest fart of my life. There was some skinny, dark headed kid looking down at me (this is a dream, remember?) and he goes “Mister, that’s the loudest fart I ever did hear” and simutaneously I heard all the other restraunt patrons bust out in laughter. The left side of the bathroom was open to the outdoors though and I quietly slithered over a woodpile and re-entered the front like nothing had happened.

Still, helium would have been a nice addition.

6

Yes, see awake I think the whole helium voice is mildly amusing at best. In dreamtime though… especially given that it was a very solemn occasion, so you get that thought: “Oh, no. I just musn’t laugh now! It would be so inappropiate!” and that makes it so much worse that you practically have to swallow your tongue to keep from laughing.

Well, okay. I admit it still makes me giggle a bit now, but only because the chipmunk helium voice was speaking in German.

Interesting thought though King, I don’t laugh “bwa-ha-ha” when I wide awake much either. I’m usually a quiet laugher, but man, in dreamtime it’s good, gut-shaking belly-laughter.

7

I went through a phase where, moments before waking up, I would say something apparently related to the dream I was having. It started suddenly, and ended just as suddenly, and once it was done, I looked back and realized that it was very likely a product of my guilty conscious. Let’s just say I had been doing something I shouldn’t have been doing, and as soon as I stopped doing it, the pre-wakeup chatter stopped.

My ex loved to tell me about the odd stuff that I said though.

8

Apparently I spout off policies and proceedures in my sleep. See, I am the rules/regs/policy/procedure sob at work. From what I have been told, I seem to make a big deal of ensuring client confidentiality in my sleep. Sometimes I get mean about it and fire people.

Dang, it must be fun sleeping next to me! :smiley:

9

That would be startling.

*snore… snore… snore… * YOU’RE FIRED! snore… snore…

10

I’ll take “Sounds from Donald Trump’s bedroom” for a 1000, Alex.

11

I apparently talk in my sleep. Actually, scratch that. I lecture.

Whenever I’m home and sleeping on the couch, my mom comes down and listens to me.

Whenever I’m … elsewhere, I have a nasty habit of waking up the poor girl. It’s a miracle she puts up with me talking about torts all night.

12

Waking her up? Man, if someone started yammering on about torts, I’d be out like a light! :stuck_out_tongue:

13

Hey, if her grade goes up, I’m taking credit.

14

What I’ve been told is I tell whoever it is in dream land the reason for the firing. I find it oddly comforting that I sleep fire with just cause.

<snerk>

I had a roomie once who used to yell stuff like “Get out of here now and don’t ever come back!” in his sleep. Imagine being the one sleeping next to that. :eek:

15

Hey at least your not a sleep flailer. I’ve punched more people in my sleep then when I’m awake. Not a fun trait when sharing a bed.

16

I have sleep-laughed myself awake twice:

  1. I was the manager of a famous celebrity (I’m not sure who, maybe Sponge Bob).
    I was reading aloud to this celebrity a fan letter written by a cow.
    The letter read: “moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.” I read this out loud exactly as written.
    Then I translated: “You’re doing a great job.”

  2. I was watching TV, and Eddie Murphy was doing his Velvet Jones character, selling cheap video tapes. The title of one of these tapes was Funky Funky Ho 47.

When awake: :dubious: In my sleep, though: :smiley:

17

Eats_Crayons, I nearly needed the Heimlich maneuver after reading that story while eating my lunch. The mental image of a helium-voiced bridesmad speaking German is going to stay with me for a long, long time. Especially since I keep seeing her dressed up as a chipmunk!

Thanks.

18

Mr. Pug is an avid sleeptalker, but only if he has had a couple of drinks. He has a low tolerance of idiocy in general, and all his frustration with co-workers/neighbors/etc. comes out in his sleep. Perhaps it would be more accurate to call him a “sleep-curser”, because his patter runs along the lines of “Motherfing assholes! *Fk you! Stupid sh**heads! Screw you!” etc., etc. He never has any memory of this tirades the next day, but he knows when he has been vocal, for I move to the guest bedroom in order to get some sleep!

19

In yet another nazi dream, occuring only last week, I woke myself up after hitting my cupboard. In my dream I was taking a swing for the enemy officer in a french disco.

And it hurts. :frowning:

20

I’ve also been known to take a few wild swings in my sleep. Once I woke myself up by kicking the wall, and had a horrible pain in my foot for the entire day.

When I was younger, living with my gramma, I would “wake up” at night and ask her questions. I don’t remember what these dreams were about, but one such question was “Should I sell my legs?” A few years later, I asked her, “Who’s in the locker?”

I mentioned this in another thread: I also have a thing with changing diapers in my sleep. My son got out of bed with his pants on and diaper missing one morning. I know it was me that took off the wet diaper, because he can’t get his pants on by himself. I just didn’t put on a new diaper. What a mess…

I’ve woken myself up laughing before, but I don’t remember what I was laughing at, so I’m not going to attempt to come up with a witty anecdote for that.