Satan,
I am speechless about this recent turn of events. I only hope you will someday be able to trust again- have faith- there are still some wonderful women out there 
Sorry for what you’re going through…
Zette
Sorry to hijack this thread for the sake of correction, but a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do.
Chef Troy said:
That’s the idea behind the “Forever” graphic, dude – it’s a common sentiment on greeting cards and other vapid crap like that. The idea is that you’ll be together 'til you’re old and gray.
Now, to make this relevant to the thread again: we can be pretty damn sure that the longer Heatherlee and Matthew spend together, the more he (if he’s any sort of real human being) will come to loathe and despise her. With a little luck, Matt’ll walk out on her the same way she did on Satan. If not, he’ll stay and give her enough grief that she’ll wish she never met the guy. Either way, she has a huge karmic debt to pay off. What goes around comes around.
Satan – I don’t know if this is helpful, but: when my last GF broke up with me after 5 years, and was banging a friend of mine almost immediately, I developed a fantasy. She’d have a horrible time with him, be totally destroyed over letting me go, and beg for my forgiveness and for me to come back – the whole “I can’t live without you” treatment. And I’d smile, and look her dead in the face, and quietly and calmly say “no.” Just imagining that scene, and the devastated look on her imaginary face, made me grin through a couple of very tough years. Heather will be living in a trailer park someday, counting how many teeth she has left, and you’ll have moved onward and upward to something better. Grin on that.
–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”
I really like how on her page, Heather says (about more than one guy, no less), “he has made me the happiest women in the world…” Maybe MPD explains things.
And how Ruthie says that everyone just has to “except” Heather for who she is.
Strikes me funny.
'Smeggy
Does no one else find it disturbing that Heather has dug up the body of Jim Croce just to take a picture for her “I’ll-show-him” webpage???
Seriously though, since Heather is more than likely reading this (and getting her dictionary to look up the really hard words), I would like to say somethings to her:
You are the epitome (wait for her to look it up…) of scum. You are a vile and worthless waste of flesh. I am glad that Fuzzhead has made you the happiest “women” in the world because you are going to need someone to talk to when the facade of your pathetic life crumbles down around your feet. And that will happen because you are not smart enough, empathetic enough and sure as hell not pretty enough to inspire love in any person for long. You are a vapid, scuzzy, repugnant hole. Brian is so much better off without you. Someday you’ll realize this and that, Heather, will finally be the day (hopefully) that you either clean up your act or decide that you just can’t go on. Please, do mankind a favor and choose the second option.
Born O.K. the first time…
If you are born again, do you have two belly buttons?
Mark Twain was a wise man .
He wrote “If you have lost in love, take comfort in the arms of another. Or several others, if the market will bear the strain.”
Get yourself another girl (or 2 or 3 or 4…) and go out & live a little. No big romances, just a fun date. The zoo, an amusement park, a comedy club, etc.
Also remember that Twain also believed that the idea that "a man is happiest when his ex-sweetie is happy " was a lot of HOOEY! He advised a jilted lover to make the girl as unhappy as possible. Damn good advice. A little imagination will provide you with a LEGAL way to do that. NOTE THE WORD “LEGAL”!
THE WORD “LEGAL” SHOULD BE INTERPETED AS "DO NOT DO ANYTHING REMOTELY LIKE BREAKING THE LAW WHILE MAKING THIS LITTLE SHIT’S LIFE A LIVING HELL .
Don’t give up on your heart, pal.
Is an appreciation of beauty a function of the human soul?
I just had another look at Heather’s page to see who she loves this week.
Hey, this is the real thing, guys. Heather’s sporting an engagement ring that would make Liz Taylor green with envy.
Yeah, I’m feeling a tad catty today.
This space for rent.
While my affection and sympathy remains with Satan in this thing, I have to say that I don’t view Heather as evil. I think she is actually a pretty sad case.
She isn’t very attractive, yet presents herself very sluttily. She is obviously desperate for attention, extremely insecure, very confused, and as we all know only too well, just barely bright enough to avoid Special Ed. She’s pretty pathetic, actually. Which doesn’t cause me to feel hostile towards her, it causes me to feel tremendous pity for her.
And enormous relief that the Lord of Darkness has been freed from her clutches.
What WAS the attraction, anyway, Bri? The tits?
Jesus W. Bush, man, that’s cold. When she said she wanted to fuck you in the ass, she must have meant it.
I’m trying to attach some significance to the clip of “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” that accompanied her little virtual seventh-grade notebook cover shrine to her eternal love of the week. I’m sure there’s a bizarre message there.
Your road trip sounds like just the ticket–I did the same thing a few years ago, to keep myself from a massive killing spree. Did the trick.
Dr. J
Oh, c’mon, Stoidela. You have to give Zotti a bit more credit than that.
Drain! LOL!!
Since all of these important events in Satan’s life seem to keep happening over the weekend, I’m always the last to know… Dammit, Satan, couln’t you schedule a crisis during the week for once? Sorry, I’ll stop…
I have to say, though, if you’re a moron, then I’m one too. It looks like my dreadful ex-girlfriend experience parallels yours more and more. (Anyone who wants to read about mine can go to http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/002555.html ), except for the, ahem, third party. Anyway, any advice I can give has already been given, so I’ll just add my voice to the multitude advising you to be glad that you’re rid of her.
“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler
Can anyone say, “Cyber Slut”? What a tramp. Damn, you have bad taste in chicks. This girl looks like she was beaten with the UGLY stick. And the guy, looks like he got his head stuck between a bus and a mac truck. Geez, I hope the sex was good, she looks like the kind of girl you would have to put a pillow over her face to enjoy your-self. And she has the maturity level of a 13 year old Junior High student (and the is being kind). Where did you find this one? Man, you can do SO much better. Let her go to that other …um… guy, maybe his eye-sight is poor and he is mindless … that is the only way a relationship would work out with that girl.
Only temporarily…
Sylence wrote:
Uh oh … I dated (to use the term loosely) a girl named Paige 18 years ago, who also acted the same way.
This Aunt Paige of yours wouldn’t happened to have gone to Isomata (a music camp in Idyllwild, California) back in the summer of 1981, would she?
Satan - just adding my voice to the others. You’re not stupid, just inexperienced. no that you have more experience, use it and choose better next time.
As for Heather, she’s a cheater. Cheater always cheat. Sure she’ll marry this guy, but she’ll be fucking around on him in a couple of years. You have the capability of being happy, she never will. Count yourself lucky to be out of it before she gave you something really nasty.
And if you’re in Dallas anytime soon and want cheap sex with an older woman… 
I hope you think this is funny…but every time you see a typo,does it remind you of her?
zyada wrote:
Darn it, I just got through the “Kissing” thread, and now this.
I gotta take a cold shower.
C’mon, now…at least give her this, she sure is one heckuva poet - don’t you think? (heehee). (And one would think that if you are of the mind to trot your engagement ring out on the internet, you might have waited until the bloated time of the month is past, otherwise your love token tends to look as if it were soldered onto a gorilla hand.)
Now now, saraam, let’s not turn this into another version of that “I’m fat, so what?” thread over in the BBQ Pit.
Satan (Brian)… As your brother I feel we have the relationship we need for me to share this thought with you!!! You are a STUPID MORON!!! Only if you let her distroy the self esteem and self confidence I always knew you had. You know what our other siblings are like, they have no self esteem (unless they are reading this then THEY ROCK!!!) You are bigger than this. You are old enough to know what it is like to feel what you are feeling. Learn and grow from it. If you use this time as a learning experience, and I might add… a time to look at what God wants for your life (sorry I am a minister I have to say that… occupational hazzard!!!) then you are not a stupid moron, you are the older brother I have grown to love and respect. But as we all know, we will all do whatever we want, so no matter what, I am your bro and I am here for you!!!