Yeah, I’m not at all against tying controlled drinking. Only drink on the weekends and never ever no matter what, drive you car when drinking. Keep it to the time after the kids are in bed, which, is what I presume you have done tonight.
Lot’s of die hard AA people hate the idea of controlled drinking but if you can do it and stick to it, then maybe that is the path for you.
This thing is horrible, evil. There are a thousand excuses for it. There are a thousand ways to rationalize it.
Here is an interesting thing. In all 2 of the meetings I have been to, most of the speakers have talked about struggling with a higher power and eventually succumbing to it, or not succumbing, or finding a different way to interpret it. Like 90% of the speaking time was devoted to this. It makes you wonder what what this struggle really is.
Also - interesting thing. I should have expected this was going to be a gay meeting because my friend is gay, but it kind of took me out of the blue. On the one hand these dudes brought a raw emotional authenticity that the college kids didn’t have. On the other hand there were multiple personal space violations and also in one specific case the implication that I if I were into having my toes sucked, someone in present company might be able to suck my toes. I replied this was an unfamiliar practice to me and I would have to consider it a bit.
So… not my tribe exactly. Got a line on a different group next week. Myself and Steve, who also does not want his toes sucked.
Edited: Steve had his toes sucked for science.
I think the homoerotic (is that the right word) things was an anomaly… I can’t say it never happens but it is rare that it is that blatant.
You are spot on about the whole higher power thing however. That is why I left the 12 steps. But, by that time, I was over 10 years in and could handle sobriety on my own. I think the suggestion above to have a therapist (and us) help keep you accountable is your better option.
Goober, you’re not on Skype right now.
Here is the part where I’m raging drunk and I want to talk to anybody at all about anything. I will advertise that I am surprisingly conversant on many subjects if not entirely coherent. Takers?
Set a limit.
It doesn’t have to be a low limit, but A limit.
Mostly about drinking, but also attempts to find an answer in the AA environment.
If you are not comfortable with “higher power” and the meetings you find are all about “higher power”, you are simply setting yourself up for failure.
Do you have a PCP doctor? Is he/she awre of your drinking and your desire to quit?
I am stuck on some nasty drugs (I started drinking to get to sleep - now I have a pill for sleep. Not certain it is an improvement), but others can wean themselves.
Ativan (lorazepam) was what the docs gave me. It is a benzodiazepine (Valium is probably the best known). It does wonders for taking the edge off.
If your MD has experience with benzos, you might ask.
It does have an interesting side effect:
For many people, mixing it with alcohol (ETOH in medispeak) will knock them out - do enough and die.
Just so’s you know what is out there.
I know what’s out here. I mix rum and klonopin and hydrocodone and ambien. Try me.
Here’s where I am right now.
Not into music, sorry.
Mixing a benzodiazepine with Ambien is a pretty good way to end up dead. The hydrocodone is messing with a different area of the brain, so that part doesn’t raise a flag.
If you are mixing that cocktail on a routine basis, your drinking is not the biggest problem.
I do not know how you are getting these drugs, but the people who are diverting them for recreation means my morphine was cut from 45mg to 15 mg.
Here’s why you fail: you are suicidal.
When you can find more reason to live than die, you may be able to cut through that mess of pharmacology.
Sounds like a man after my own heart. You fucked up. No one else. On the bright side, that gives you another chance to get it right.
You really sound a lot like me. There are SO MANY excuses for drinking/smoking. Rough day today. Tough commute. The game is on. It is Tuesday… Each time you sense one of those triggers, you just have to say “No”, and move on until the next trigger hits. In the beginning, that can be 5 seconds later. But IME, they pretty quickly stretched out.
You just have to really make up your mind that you definitely want to stop - at least for a while. Maybe set yourself a goal - like a month. Just see how it is to go 30 days without it. Then if you want to get shitfaced on day 31, go ahead. Or you might find yourself less interested in doing so.
Like dieting or so many other lifestyle changes, you really have to commit to the change. It could help to try to do something else that might distract you. Exercise is good for some folk. Or taking a class or something. Just something that might help take your mind off the urge to drink, and that you will be less able to do after drinking.
Not too many folk get too many things right the first time. So long as you haven’t fucked up your health/relationships/job/legal problems from drinking, you can always try again.
As long as you aren’t dead, you can try again. If you manage to kill yourself on the benzo/ambien/alcohol cocktail, THEN you can’t try again. Anything else will make it HARDER to try - more bags to carry through your journey, but doesn’t stop you from trying.
(I’m always sort of amazed how other people’s doctors will prescribe that much shit. I only got 30 days of benzos after hospitalization for depression and anxiety - they moved me darn fast to an antihistamine that will take the edge off without the heavy addiction issues. The longest Ambien prescription I’ve ever gotten - with years of sleep issues - has been seven days - then they stick me on something like trazodone - though I admittedly am on record as hating Ambien, so that may be part of it. Other people’s doctors seem to be a lot more willing to dispense addictive substances than mine.)
I have a friend who was prescribed Ambien for over 10 years. He was completely addicted to it and let’s just say the story didn’t end well.
I review medical records every day in my job. It is not at all unusual for individuals to be prescribed as many as 20 different SIGNIFICANT meds. Probably more than 1/2 the folk have at least 10. Crazy shit.
Of course, it is unusual for me to encounter a case where the individual is not overweight and a smoker…
Nothing for it but to start over sigh.
Last night’s meeting route took me by a liquor store, and I felt that gravitational pull to stock up. Then of course once stocked, I had to have a taste, which led to drinking half a fifth. Just a half though! It’s darkly funny that I find a silver lining in what used to be a red flag. Not really.
Here are some definitions that were personally helpful for me:
Alcoholic: Unable to quit or moderate drinking in spite of significant negative consequences in the areas of Health, Employment, Legal Issues, or Personal relationships. I would add quality of life, but it messes up the H.E.L.P acronym.
Higher Power: Not Me or the voice in my head that says that this is an acceptable way to live or that it will be different next time.
Powerless Over Alcohol: Not knowing what will happen after the first drink. Maybe it will be a pleasant evening of social drinking, maybe it will be a fifth of vodka, warm, out of the bottle in the sock drawer.
Yeah - you are going to have to figure out how to deal with that, because there are liquor stores and bars all over the place, and you spent quite a bit of time developing bad habits you need to change.
I never thought anyone else ought to have to abstain simply because I was a fuckup, so we’ve kept alcohol in the house for my wife and guests, and I have no problem buying it. But you have to decide for yourself. Would be an easy rule to simply tell your wife has to buy the household’s booze. But some people find that sort of thing tough - especially in the beginning.
I think you said something upthread that made me think your wife might not be fully supportive of your efforts. If that is the case, that would make things awfully tough.
And to add to the nuttiness, they are on 20 different serious medications, and they are still in front of you over receiving disability. I’m sure you add value, but you have to wonder about a system that drugs someone to the gills then expects them to hold a job.
By driving or by walking?
Of course one can form opinions as to whether medications appear to be prescribed responsibly in any individual case.
Just read something the other day saying US citizens take 75% of the world’s rx meds. Not sure if that is accurate, but wouldn’t surprise me. What fragile flowers we Americans are…
Exactly
Toe sucking, eh? That’s a new one for me. Hell of a lot of hugging in AA, but I’ve yet to encounter a foot fetish.
What if it’s the cure we’ve all been looking for?!?:eek: