How are you doing, HMS Irruncible?
Still here. Actually feeling pretty good right now. I broke my streak on Saturday with a bit of moderate social drinking at an occasion that I felt like was uniquely important. Haven’t had a drink since then, and going forward I intend to stick with the abstinence plan. Thanks for checking in!
Look, others can contradict me, maybe I am wrong.
It seems like you are minimizing your recent drinking.
Alcohol and cigarettes and abstinence is not like a food diet, once you decide to quit you need to stick to it 100%. There is no real room to cheat occasionally, like there is with food.
I’m still pulling for you man. Keep at it. Don’t feel bad that you had a drink but be honest about your mistake and use that to double your efforts at quitting for good.
Well, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t break the streak. It was date night with the missus, the first time in maybe 6 months, and we needed to reconnect. I was also kind of anxious because we’ve been growing distant for a while (at least in my mind) and I wasn’t even sure what I would say. As big as my alcohol struggle has been, it’s not the whole picture of my issues. So I feel like it was a good strategic choice to share some wine with her and talk some things out, and I didn’t overdo it. Mission accomplished, and I am back on track. No sense looking back. Feeling good on my 3rd day.
Tonight I am going to an AA meeting… not one that I chose, but I am going to support my friend recovering from a liter-a-day vodka habit. He just did a 10-day stint in detox and is still struggling, so he invited me to come to his meeting.
Cheers…
Sounds like you doing really well. I am happy for you.
At the risk of sounding judgey again, your friend will hopefully find that he doesn’t need your support so much as he needs the support of people who know what it’s like to be simultaneously unable to live with or without alcohol, which is what he will find in AA.
If it’s an open meeting, they won’t care who you are, but be prepared for someone at some point to remind you that it’s not a program for people who want to stop drinking except for special occasions. It’s for people who want to stop drinking because it’s killing them.
Christ, I get it, there’s a dogma to be respected. Maybe by necessity. But it’s not like I’m going to go in there and brag how I had a drink on Saturday and look how great I am. My friend asked me to be there for him, and I will. If anyone has a problem with that, they can get stuffed. TBH this cult like attitude is pretty off-putting.
Stick with it, man, until you find out what works for you. For some folk that is moderation management. For others, AA or SMART recovery. For me it was just cold turkey.
Sorry that I didn’t read the whole thread. Suspect I drank somewhat less than you, but still more than I wanted. Tried to moderate, but proved my ability to BS myself. So I just stopped drinking. First month or so was tough, but got easier every day. Probably easier than stopping smoking.
I never really saw the need for AA. No one else is pouring the stuff down your throat. For me, all I had to do was accept responsibility, and remind myself that I had decided to stop drinking. The more days you pile up, you may find you don’t want to reset to zero for one night of moderate drinking.
Been sober something like 12 -13 years. Still have urges - just have to tell myself no. Heck, still crave the occasional smoke, and it has been 30 years!
At times I wonder if I could drink moderately, but I’m pretty comfortable that if I ever had a drink, it would just be a matter of time before I was shitfaced. Wouldn’t be the end of the world, but I just don’t need or want it. No problem having booze in the house, being with people who drink, being in bars, etc.
For me, abstinence is infinitely easier than moderation.
I have to disagree with Cher3 on this. Lots of people attend AA meetings–closed as well as open–before they decide if they are alcoholics or not. If you go around the room and introduce yourself, and its a closed meeting, you could just say I’m HMSI and I’m trying to figure out if I’m an alcoholic. It’s not like you’re *only *attending to support your friend.
I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply that I thought you were just going to feel superior to all the real drunks. My only excuse is that by the time I really started to take AA seriously I was more on your friend’s end of the spectrum. Emiliana is right, most meetings are very welcoming, whether they are open or closed.
No worries. I could be less defensive. Clearly my noggin is not 100% yet 
Well, I went to the meeting. I got my friend through another night. As for myself, listening to people talk about alcohol for an hour made me want to do nothing but drink, and that’s what I’m doing now. I hope to cut my losses here in the next few minutes. I can’t help thinking my time would have been better spent at home with my family watching over my shoulder. But of course that hasn’t been working, so why would it start working now. So I guess this is my 300th anniversary of 2 days of not drinking. Cheers.
Expect no hijinks. I don’t enjoy this anymore.
There is noting wrong with attempting controlled drinking. It is better than not trying to control it at all. I think the comments that I/others have made that being a “part of” the AA program is a higher level of commitment, dedication, whatever you want to call it, than controlled drinking.
I think, also, you were minimizing your “slip” over the weekend.
Now, quite honestly, if you are on a controlled drinking plan the drink on Saturday and even the few beers now is not such a problem. Just be honest about your level of commitment is my advice. Don’t try to do more than you are committed too. That rarely works and leaves bad feelings. Better to commit to what you know you can handle.
Keep trying man! Keep moving forward and keep taking stock of your progress. You - are - trying to make improvement and you - are - making steps in the right direction.
This weekend was a slip. Today is an epic fuckup. Fortunately I work from home tomorrow, and I had the foresight to do 2 days worth of work today, so little if anything will be demanded of me tomorrow. One could be forgiven for thinking it was planned.
Good.
You are being honest with yourself and you are making progress. The difference between the past 3 days and all the other times before is that you are aware of it now and you are still working on fixing it. Yes, you probably tried to stop in the past too. But, so what? That does not mean you give up now. Keep trying. Sooner or later you will work it out.
Also, today being an “epic fuck up” is probably influenced by the slip this weekend.
Things are not yet so far out of control that you can not fix this. Keep up the good work.
I won’t quit trying but I am deeply disappointed.
Yeah, well, life is difficult. I’ve been sober for 23 years. But during that whole time, the last 15+ years I’ve been unemployed. I’ve been overweight by 50 pounds for 10 years. Keep losing 20 pounds then putting it back on. I’ve been to like 6 different colleges but haven’t graduated.
So, life is/can be difficult.
Look for me on Skype if you wish.
That can be an issue with AA or rehab. Sometimes it can be all about how much fun it was to drink, how much they miss it. Not always, but when it is, it can be the worst environment, hanging with a bunch of dry drunks who wish they were still drinking.
I think during my sister’s first stint in rehab, she learned more about hiding her drinking and how drug seekers get drugs than she learned about how to keep herself sober.
Maybe try a private therapist. Someone to hold you accountable that you can confide in who won’t be the people you won’t want to know yet.
Or maybe try this - you know you can go two, next time go three. One more day isn’t a big deal, and you can have a drink on day four. Then the time after that go four. Then go five, six…until you don’t think you need that drink that is currently the light at the end of the tunnel. Then you decide if you want to risk having to try and break the habit again or if you think you can be a social drinker.
Like my favorite Zeppelin song, “Nobody’s fault but mine.”