I am fed up with my sex drive

In My Humble Opinion
81

No, I didn’t suggest that his misogyny could be excused (or something) because he isn’t getting any. And yes, I think you’re referring to one (actually more than one) of my earlier posts.

I am suggesting that he wasn’t getting any even before he became bitter and resentful about females, and therefore the reason he wasn’t getting any must be something else. Now he’s painted himself into a double corner. He’s never going to get any as long as he has this attitude, but if he could just turn that off and make it go away, he STILL isn’t going to get any for whatever the same reason he couldn’t in the first place. And what might that reason be? Nobody else is addressing that here.

You’re all just dumping on him for being angry. Yeah, sure that’s a problem. But unless he was born that way, that can’t be the original problem that started it all. There’s something else going on here.

Now, this is all highly modified by the revelation that he’s just a tender 19. (And I think he wrote that he began to get interested in sex at 12?) So everybody who remarked on that is right, he got really sour on females really fast. I wonder what brought that on? I haven’t seen anything he’s written yet to explain that. I think that a whole lot of [del]females[/del] girls must have really treated him like shit, with possibly not a single one who ever treated him nicely, to cause that. But we haven’t seen any word of what might have been going on to bring that about.

82

gvozd, several people have posted in defense of me, and they’ve pretty much hit the highlights. (Thanks, ladies and gentlemen.)

Since you enjoy numbered lists:

  1. I was not being rude to you. I was explaining in short, simple terms some of the reasons why you may be having such a hard time finding female company.

  2. Please note my usage of the word “female”. Female is an adjective. That is, it’s used to provide extra information about a noun (a person, place, idea, or thing). Female company, female parts, female dress, female animals, and so on. When you refer to women as females, you reduce us to the one trait you appear (again, please note: appear) to take interest in - the fact that each of us possesses a hole into which you want to put your penis. Many women, including myself, are offended by this.

  3. Telling you that I find it offensive to be reduced to a hole you want to stick your penis into is not arrogant. Telling me that I don’t get to decide what does or does not offend me is arrogant.

  4. So you want to have sex, huh? Big deal. Most of us do. Many of us, for one reason or another, don’t get to have sex when we want to have sex. Big fucking deal. I’m going to let you in on a secret:

Nobody fucking promised you sex.

  1. That’s right, gvozd. You are not being denied sex. You aren’t being left in the cold. You haven’t been teased, betrayed, or ignored. Because no one is obligated to have sex with you.

  2. No, seriously. I’m not being rude. I’m not being arrogant. I’m not trying to cause you pain. I am actually trying to help you. If I wanted to see you crash and burn, I’d encourage you to continue doing exactly what you’re doing - whining about not getting something no one on this planet is entitled to get. Having sex is like winning the lottery - it’s got nothing to do with whether you deserve it or not.

83

As presented: a 19 year old of uncertain cultural background (poor English mixed with internet chatroom slang) living somewhere we don’t know who is convinced that he is ugly and awkward and will always be so. Who really does not seem to want any advice and who comes off as bitter and hostile. And desperately horny.

Sure we can all suggest sublimating that sexual energy into a program of self improvement, improving his social, intellectual, and appearance capital as investments in his long term happiness. Many of can “witness” to the fact that 19 year old geeks, nerds, and dweebs, can grow to have relationships of various sorts, short term and ones lasting for many decades leading to families of dweeblings. No promises. Some don’t. But there is every reason for not failing.

But honestly as presented the op is a character who would rather wallow and it won’t go far.

84

How about we try to give poor Mr. gvozd some helpful advice that maybe, just maybe, he can actually do something with, instead of just shitting on him.

Here’s one idea: gvozd, if you really had the option, would you rather have sexual access to females rather than kill your sex drive? Can you hold it for just a few more years?

You’re studying at university now. In a few years, you can have a job and a decent income. That always helps to get it on with the females. If all else fails, you can engage the services of commercial providers. (Yes, that means prostitutes.) You can get it without having to be friends with them. It’s legal in Germany, and apparently quite affordable and quite available.

Read up on THIS THREAD for all the mouth-watering details. There’s nothing quite like that in the United States!

85

And in another thread he claims to have a fiancee? :confused:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15288180&postcount=81

86

gvozd, here is another idea. It’s awful, but who knows? It works for this guy in THIS THREAD.

This guy has low income, is a general loser all around, works his ass off (part time, I think) at a low-paying job, makes about US$800 a month. He is homeless and lives on the street, and lives a low-life existence in a lot of other ways, because he spends so much of his paltry income on the things he finds most important.

He had decided upon his priorities! He spends $300 to $400 of that money every month on “escorts”, who provide the services that are most important to him!

You could do the same, and you can probably do much better. As polar bear explains (see above post), it’s MUCH cheaper in Germany, and with much better quality, and you might be able to afford this once in a while without having to live on the street.

87

That’s guizot this is gvozd. The guy in the corner is EvenSven.

88

gvozd, do the above two posts seem like good possibilities for you? Otherwise, you’re stuck with your Plan B, which is to kill you sex drive any way you can figure out. Don’t you think the above suggestions are better, and maybe even possible?

Would you really like to castrate yourself and be done with sex forever and forever? (As far as I know, yes it does eliminate your emotional dependence on females, or at least reduces it very much.) You’re way too young to be making that choice right now. And it’s completely irreversible. But if you hang tight for, say, another ten years and things aren’t any better, then maybe you should think more about it.

Doing it yourself is certainly painful and dangerous. You may find it very hard to get a doctor to do it for you – there seem to be some kinds of problems that doctors just won’t help you with. If you ask around, maybe you can find a back-alley doctor who will do anything for a price. (The same “doctors” who, for example, do back-alley abortions, perhaps.) That still sounds like basically a bad idea, and certainly now at your age.

How about meds? You wrote in your OP that you DON’T want meds. But then you wrote in post #49: “Thank you. Do you know any place where I can find it? Especially in EU or Middle East?” This had the advantage of NOT being permanent (as far as I know). You could change your mind later and stop taking the meds. But first you have to get them. Sorry, I don’t know where or how to get them even in the U.S.A., let alone in Europe. Again, you have to ask around discreetly, try to make connections, figure out who to bribe, or something. There must be a black market somewhere that you can find.

Wouldn’t you rather try polar bear strategy first?

89

:stuck_out_tongue: Hah!

90

Please tell me I’m being whooshed. Because otherwise your advice seems to be: “19, chip on your shoulder, haven’t gotten laid? Prostitutes, escorts, or castration, dude, them’s your options!”

And that’s a helluva lot less helpful than grabbing his head and forcing him to look at the lousy attitude, IMO.

This may be some performance-art-level sarcasm, though, in which case well done.

91

Thank you for that phouka

92

even sven is a chick, I think you mean Scarlet Number

93

I believe he is Turkish.

94

What worked for me?

Go to college. Get internships. Get a good job with what you learned.
Enjoy your life. Get hobbies. Grow to love yourself.
The women will come.

95

What if these hobbies are largely related to computer? I think it is a big turn off.

96

Mine are pretty much computer-related.
The point is to love yourself and distract yourself from being horny and angry all the time.
If you’re happy, they’ll want to be with you.
If not… they won’t.

97

What do your good friends have to say?

98

Computer hobbies are fine, as long as you don’t spend 100% of your time and energy on them. I don’t think it’s a “big” turn off, as long as you have other interests as well. Actually, my husband, and all his friends, and all the husbands of people I know, all enjoy gaming as a hobby. It’s normal for computers to be ONE thing that you enjoy.

If computer hobbies are the ONLY hobby you have, then get some new hobbies. It doesn’t mean you have to give up computers, just become a more varied person. For example, there is no reason you can’t like computers, and ALSO like to cook. There is no reason you can’t like computers and cooking and ALSO enjoy basketball. Etc. Just look around for something that interests you, and start learning how to do it. Pretty soon you will meet other people who like to do that thing. You will have something to talk about together and do together. Result: friends.

Just last weekend I went to the wedding of my husband’s friend, who has every console ever made and plays lots of computer games, including MMORPGs. He met his wife through a co-ed sports league they both enjoy.

Personally, I don’t know much about social life in Turkey. How common is it for men and women to mingle socially, in clubs, schools, sports, etc? Maybe if you described the “normal” or culturally acecpted way that men and women meet among your age group, that would help us give advice.

99

We don’t know for sure much about gvozd’s cultural background. He is apparently Middle Eastern. Hello Again believes he is Turkish. He’s at university in Germany now. He wrote that he expected this (somehow) to help his social situation but instead it’s made it worse. (But he didn’t say how.) He hasn’t told us if he is of Islamic or Christian or Other background.

I wonder if he’s having some serious culture shock here. Most of the Middle East areas have really seriously repressive sexual cultures. Picture a young male, raised where females are never seen (all you ever see is that ghost-like shape of a burqa) (Okay, I know Turkey isn’t quite that bad, if that’s where he’s from). Then one day you go to Europe, where they’re all out there in skimpy bikinis, sunning on the banks of the Rhine. (Do they ever have sunny days there?)

Remember that scene in Star Trek where Charlie X first sees Yeoman Rand? His jaw drops to the floor. After she leaves the room and Charlie gets his jaw back in place, he stammers to Kirk: “Is… is… that… a… girl?”

Kirk: “Yes, Charlie. That’s… a… girl.”

(Arncha all so glad he didn’t ask: “Is… is… that… a… female?”

Maybe in gvozd’s native culture, everyone is so repressed that the males don’t even know a female when they see one. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. This isn’t: Maybe they have a culture where men’s expectations of romance and sex are way way way low. Then he is dumped into European culture, where (relatively speaking) there’s bare naked female flesh flapping everywhere, there’s all kinds of mushy lovey-dovey action going on in public (couples holding hands! K-i-s-s-i-n-g! Canoodling galore!) and you-know-what more going in private! O, the Bacchanalia!

Suddenly, gvozd’s life-long repressed protective shell is smashed asunder, and all that primal urge comes cascading out in a thunderous deluge! And he hasn’t learned how to handle it!

Okay, I’m building up a wild-ass speculative edifice here.

My biggest assumption: I don’t assume gvozd was born a jerk. If he is now, he became so sometime during his life, for some reason. All you people kicking his ass for being a jerk are just sticking your own heads in a place where the sun doesn’t shine. If he suddenly weren’t a jerk, he’d still be stuck with social awkwardness (or whatever it was) that caused all this in the first place.

He’s painted himself into a corner now. What a shame, at his age. But if he didn’t have enough social skill to NOT get into that corner in the first place, he sure as hell isn’t going to have the much greater skill required to get out of that corner now.

100

This is, I’m sorry, ridiculous. Yes, if he stops being a jerk, then he’ll still be awkward. But an awkward jerk has a farther way to go than an awkward nice dude. And the jerkiness is easier to get rid of. Start there, and work upward.

As for hobbies: there was some movie a long time ago that had advice for single people (especially guys, given our dating system). It was something like:

  1. Be desireless.
  2. Be excellent.
  3. Be gone.

To elaborate, it’s something like this:

  1. Be desireless. You want to get laid, or get in a relationship, or something like that? Yeah, yeah, everyone does. The problem is that if your desire is too clear, it comes across desperate: potential partners, even women looking for some action themselves, are going to read it as, “No other woman will fuck me! Will YOU???!!!” And that’s skeevy. Somehow you gotta get out of that mode of seeing every interaction as possibly ending up in bed.
  2. Be excellent. Competence is super-sexy. What you’re competent at isn’t as important–I literally once had a woman tell me that my fast touch-typing was a turn-on, and other women offered me (joking) marriage proposals over my kickass blueberry pie. You don’t want to be bragging about it constantly, nor do you want to bore people (“I’m a big fan of telephone transformers. Would you like to hear the history of the ones installed in Oregon from 1924 to 1929? Let me bore you for the next two hours with that history…”), but if you’re good at something, that’s sexy.
  3. Be gone. There’s a backhanded American insult: “How can I miss you if you won’t leave?” That applies here. If things are going well, you may want to get out of there. I remember a second date I went on in college. Things were going well, so I invited myself back into her apartment, and I just stayed there until I finally noticed her ostentatious yawn signalling that I should leave. There was no third date. If I’d given her a goodnight kiss and driven away, maybe there would have been.

Again, the caveat: I was really bad at dating.