That sounds like something Michael Jackson would say.
My next guess was that you were Roland Orzabal, and your first choice for user name was already taken.
You’re right, we should all relax, take a deep breath, and tell each other our real names. You go first ;).
You want me to reveal my Secret Identity?
But my career as a Masked Crimfighter would be ruined!
newcrasher is Neal Stephenson.
I was going to say it was Tammy, but I suspect that was a different dicktease. 
newcrasher, if you really are that famous, and as you say, you have been on this board for a while, do you really think that revealing your identity poses that much of a security risk? I’d like to believe that the board membership is a bit more enlightened, and could recieve such information gracefully without you being inundated by a million e-mail requests for a JPEG of your autograph.
Even if there is a credible risk of privacy loss, I’m sure you could contact a board admin to have your username serruptitiously changed.
Of course, I understand the desire for privacy, and to that end even I won’t reveal my real name online. I have to wonder, though, what you intended with this thread if not to eventually reveal your identity?
MOONCHILD!
I can’t believe I just referenced The Neverending Story.
As I was sitting on the toity this a.m. it occurred to me newcrasher has to be Jon Stewart. That whole Evangelical Christian thing is a classic red herring & his wife DID have a baby last winter.
You’ve got the Stewart part right, but it’s not Jon…
It’s a good thing.
Notice “he” suddenly has more time to post? Doesn’t that just make you go hmmmmm…
Ah, but would this make us smile? He’s obviously Mr. Goodwrench. . .
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=284479&page=4 From this thread…courtesy of Spectrum…
“Then you are a bigot, and I wish I knew you so I could kick you in your redneck-supported face.”
Alas this board is not “enlightened”. It tends to lean to one side and villify those who disagree…methinks anonymity remains the way…
Whatever.
If there *were[\i] a point to this, then we would have to change the name of this forum from “Mundane Pointless Things I Must Share” to “Terribly Relevant Issues and Salient Points”.
I don’t see that happening.
I was on the front cover of the Morley Advertiser once, with one of my paintings.
Beat that bizzatch.
Failing that, your that mang Jade off big brother.
Of course it’s pointless newcrasher, that’s the, erm, point. But you’ve created something that you obviously cannot (or refuse to) back up, so time’s up, pal, either you’re famous or you’re not. If you’re not going to say, then vanish, creating curiosity for something that clearly does not exist is childish, even in MPSIMS.
Okay, so we have a famous person, who takes an entirely innocuous thread and makes it political, leading me to believe that he/she is either a political figure, or a well-known partisan in the media.
Your use of archaic english and ellipsis marks in your post is a clue that if you are in the media, it is in TV or film and not print. Conversely, if you are a political figure, my guess would be that you are relatively young.
Am I getting warm?
Note that we also haven’t changed the forum name to “Anonymous Bragging About Unspecified Real Life Accomplishments”.
Face it, dude. You work at Hot Dog on a Stick. Just accept it – there’s no shame in it. You don’t need to pretend to be someone important. Just look yourself in the mirror and say “I may not have taken the world by storm, but I can make on hell of a corn dog! And that’s enough.”
Are you D.B. Cooper?
I will try to be more adult for those of you unable to resist posting in a pointless thread that makes you angry.
By the by…as I write this “childish” reply the original thread is between such sober threads as…
"I’m so ghetto… "
"I love gummy candy! "
and the thread most likely to be discussed on the Lehrer News Hour, "Fag-O-Matic "
(honourable mention to "Dogs Love Newly Circumcised Baby Penis "
For no reason, I thrust a jewish smiley at you!
;j
Are you Al Franken?