I, apparently, should give up on this college thing and just settle down.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
Pretty damn M&P to most, I’d imagine.
What the hell is with everyone calling me stupid lately or effectively telling me I’ll amount to nothing? Increasingly, people are telling me I shouldn’t go to graduate school- hell, a good chunk of them are telling me I shouldn’t even continue in college for my BA degrees**.

People are telling me I should go find a nice man to take care of me. What the hell is that? Seriously?

Since when is wanting to do something with my life other than be someone’s house bitch a bad thing? Why is it if I’m not absolutely perfect, I’m apparently a failure at everything? According to these people, because I’m not striving for mediocrity at a leisurely pace, I’m obviously not doing anything worthwhile with my life.

And you know, I logically know anyone who says any of the above is a complete moron that I ought to pay no attention to, but when I get home from a final that I absolutely bombed and then I get bombarded with this crap for the millionth time, what am I supposed to think? And I know that I’m a stronger person than most- much more so- so it is no wonder so many people drop out of college or just run off and get married to someone they know will take care of them. Here I am, the strong person, genuinely questioning if I’m good enough or if I should even bother. My own father doesn’t believe me to be capable of much more than selling used cars. Used cars.

Since when is wanting to go to school a bad thing? Why is it whenever I try to bring anything into a discussion- particularly a discussion about an area that I specifically study- my opinion gets disregarded because I only got it from books? Since when is an education meaningless?

This is seriously tearing me apart. I know that opinions are like assholes, but you can only hear something so many times before it starts to genuinely eat at you. And maybe if I were just hearing these moronic suggestions from random idiots, but I’m getting called stupid by people I respect and care about.

Have any of you ever experienced something like this? What on earth did you do to not go crazy?

**Note: none of these people are my professors. My professors love me, think I’m a great writer, and think I am more than capable of working towards my PhD. The naysayers are my dad (who honest to Og told me I should use me two BA degrees-- History and Poli Sci-- to sell used cars or work for a big corporation!), my friends, etc.
[/QUOTE]

Your father sounds like a silly, old-school guy who is probably jealous (what’s his educational background?). His opinion, as much as it may hurt or annoy, really doesn’t make a difference. You can’t please everyone. If my dad told me I was stupid, I’d probably not spend any time with him. I mean, we’re talking basic respect here. If you can’t talk to him about his rude, disrespectful behavior, minimize the time you spend with his toxic self. You’re in charge of your life now.

22

Diosa,

Sounds like you really want to please Dad and can’t. (I think you know this and may have stated it, but I’ll put it out there again cuz it’s important.) That’s OK. There are some things that just aren’t possible.

I’m curious about his background. Did he go to college? Is it the norm in your family to go to college? My best friend was the only one in her family who was interested in grad school. No one in her family understood what that meant. They understood even less her desire to study literature. It was hard, but she managed to ignore them. She’s the adventurous one in the family; she lives in Germany now, another thing no one gets. Oh, well. It’s been 20 years, I’m pretty sure she’s staying.

Listen to your profs. Find friends who will support your choices.

Also, if you’re looking for a history program, make sure you’re checking out all the fellowship and graduate assistantship possibilities. You should be able to make it through school with little or no need for outside support. (You won’t live high on the hog, but in grad school you don’t really have time for that.)

Check out Ohio State if you haven’t already. They have a strong history program (used to be really strong in military history; not sure if it still is) and decent support for graduate students. AFAIK they have a number of special programs that would probably get to the securities angle. Here’s a link. Also, look at the Mershon Center link from there.

But if there’s a viable opportunity for something in Europe, look at that first…

Good luck.

GT

23

Meh. Fuck him.

Go on and do what you’re doing. When it’s wrong, someone will shove a handful of dog poo in your face. That’s how you know you’re going down the wrong path.

24

Oh yeah…by the way…keep buying UltraTax.

25

**DiosaBellissima ** from your last post it sounds like your dad has some issues that might stem from his low self esteem. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or isn’t proud of you. It just means he can’t express it.

Bottom line: The problem is his, don’t let it be yours.

26

I’ll start with the drive-by snide remark, and work my way up in increasing amounts of seriousness and sympathy.

[drive-by] A woman’s place is in the kitchen, and she go there immediately after work. [/drive-by]

Dual BAs in History and Poli Sci are not good for much, unless you use them to get into a teaching job (and you’d be missing all of the education stuff anyway), or can articulate “Would you like fies with that?” For better or worse, you’re on the track to grad school, and you should stay the course.

As far as being a domestic goddess is concerned, my wife is SAH, and it drives me nuts. She’s not very domestic unless you count sewing and crossstitching; I cook, do dishes, buy groceries, and all of that stuff. She’s smart, but has no ambition or desire to do anything. I’ve tried on several occasions to talk her into going back to school just to get her out of the house and doing something. Being a disabled non-traditional student, she’d have a free ride. She won’t do it, and her refusal to do so is something so strange to me that I can’t imagine it. I’m addicted to education.

Stick with it, and tell them to go to hell.

27

[QUOTE=Maureen]
Yes, yes I have. And you’re not stupid. Or crazy. Well. Probably not, anyway. What you are is Italian. I went through the same thing when I was about your age (22ish, right?) “You’re so pretty! What do you need a degree for with looks like that?” “You don’t want to wait forever to get married do you? Men like marrying young women.” “Why are you bothering with all that schooling? You’re just going to have to quit once you have your kids anyway.” sigh…sound familiar? My nona. Hell, probably yours too. And my aunts. My married way too early friends who had great big rocks on their fingers and expense accounts while I struggled on Ramen and carrot sticks and a Honda. On the other hand, I wasn’t left terrified, no career or prospects, hoping my divorce lawyer could get me a fat alimony check when my marriage didn’t work, either. (No. I’m not gloating. Much.) Stay in school. Do what you want with your life. You’ll be great.
[/QUOTE]

My Dad’s family is Italian. I’m the “doesn’t wear enough makeup, doesn’t match her shoes to her coat, and too smart to catch a man” Granddaughter/Niece. From the time I was 12 my cousins were put on pedastals - “look at how Gina dresses! Why can’t you dress like that?” “Aren’t those the cutest shoes Donna has, why don’t you ever have cute shoes?” My hair was always wrong, I never wore enough makeup, and I never had the appropriate date. “Did you hear that Angela is dating the captain of the football team - why don’t you date nice boys like that - you are never going to get a decent husband.” My own grandmother favored her “prettier” nieces over me. (I’m not bad looking at all - argueably, much prettier than my cousins - but I have never tended toward the makeup and big hair look).

I don’t see much of these people now. But a few years ago a great aunt died and I went to the funeral. My cousins have all been married - several have been divorced. They work in retail stores or as receptionists at hair salons. Several live with their parents. They are all at the funeral, and all dressed to the nines in designer clothing - life hasn’t changed in that respect. (I did bother to make my hair exceptionally large and my eyes exceptionally dark for the occation - and I was still way underdone - I needed another half a can of hairspray, a foil, and three more coats of mascara). And they all struggle (turns out being football captain isn’t necessarily a good sign that you are going to make a good living). I leave after the funeral and my Dad goes to the luncheon. And my cousins are all talking about how hard it is to make ends meet. They’ve talked a little about me - enough to catch on to the fact that I’m now married (to what is obviously a geek, no respect for THAT marriage from them), have two little kids, and work outside the home. And they look at my father and say “well, how does Dangerosa afford daycare.” My father responded with “well, they are both very well paid - and she’s always been frugal, you know, she’s never been a Gucci purse kind of person - I really don’t think daycare is a huge issue for them. In fact, I understand her house is almost paid off.”

He said every jab they ever threw at his daughters (my sister never measured up either, and he was well aware of the situation when we were growing up) was worth that ONE back.

Hold out for what YOU want. To be charitable to your friends, most people can’t understand that other people want different things than they do - they are convinced you are only pursuing something that can’t possibly make you happy - all that work for heartbreak. (To give credit to my cousins, despite their finanical struggles, many of them have the children they always wanted and dote upon - I don’t think they’d trade their lives for mine anymore than I’d trade mine for theirs). And get yourself some new friends. The Dad you can’t trade in - the friends - find someone who will be supportive. These are all going a different direction from you and will be harder to keep in contact with anyway - they’ll be busy with kids and won’t understand why you need to spend three hours bitching about your advisor…you’ll have less and less in common.

28

[QUOTE=VunderBob]

Dual BAs in History and Poli Sci are not good for much, unless you use them to get into a teaching job (and you’d be missing all of the education stuff anyway), or can articulate “Would you like fies with that?” For better or worse, you’re on the track to grad school, and you should stay the course.
[/QUOTE]

My CEO (of a Fortune 500) ONLY has a B.A. from a state university in Political Science. Degrees are a starting point. One of our chief IT architects has his degree in Economics, another never bothered to go to college. I know a lot of people with liberal arts bachelors degrees who have done very well. Is it easier to get the first business job with a business degree? - Probably. And there are fields where you need the proper degree if you want the job. But business isn’t one of them.

29

Do you hang out with a lot of uneducated morons or something? I never knew anyone growing up who did not consider college a good idea, no matter who you were.

If you are hanging out with a lot of negative people who are unsupportive of you, you should cut them out of your life. There is no value added to having people who “supposedly care about you” giving you negative criticism. I don’t call people like that friends, I call them “jerks”.

Also, in this day and age, getting an MRS degree is not what it used to be. You could easily find yourself divororced.

30

[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
My CEO (of a Fortune 500) ONLY has a B.A. from a state university in Political Science. Degrees are a starting point. One of our chief IT architects has his degree in Economics, another never bothered to go to college. I know a lot of people with liberal arts bachelors degrees who have done very well. Is it easier to get the first business job with a business degree? - Probably. And there are fields where you need the proper degree if you want the job. But business isn’t one of them.
[/QUOTE]

Point conceded. I speak as an engineer with 2 engineering degrees. My point: History and Poli Sci are traditional stepping stones to Law School, and I didn’t look beyond that or grad school within the respective disciplines.

I am trying to be supportive, BTW.

31

Aww, come on girly, grab me a beer, come sit on my lap and tell me all about it…

Ok, got that out of my system, I’m better now. :wink:

Really kid, you’re whip smart, you work hard and you have a good intuition for what’s right for you. Run with that. The naysayers are either jealous or are the type of people that expect others to fit THEIR expectations, not your own.

As the dad of a girl almost exactly like you (shorter though I think), I can tell you that it’s conflicting at times to watch her exceed anything I thought I could do. It’s either smile and be proud and watch her run, or try to rein her in so she stays “Daddy’s Princess” forever - relying on me, or some other man.

So, be cool with dad, but live your life the way you are. There’s a lot of room in the world, and a lot of people waiting for smart, hot broads like you to enter the workplace so we can have some proper fodder for REAL sexual harassment.*

*Yeah, I’m kidding about the harassment thing, but you know better, right? :smiley:

32

The right of an individual to express their opinion on how you should lead your life is directly proportional to your inalienable right to tell them what a complete putz they are and where their advice is best stored.

To me, the very idea that you ought not to be what you want to be to the best of your abilities is absurd in the extreme. Use your degrees to sell cars? Indeed. I hear Wal Mart wants Stephen Hawking as a greeter, too. :smack:

Don’t let 'em get you down. Opinions like that aren’t worth the air they’re expelled into. If someone started spouting stuff like that to me they would immediately lose all credibility, and furthermore, the idea they they didn’t believe in me enough to have confidence in my decisions and my ability to carry them out would also cause me to lose respect for them (assuming I had any to to lose). You’re obviously smart, dedicated, know what you want and are working towards getting it. Ultimately, your success will be the best “told ya so” you can offer.

33

Septima- I was actually a Poli Sci major first and I quickly decided to add History on just for fun (me? Lame? Naaaah). I figured why not? It’s something I love and who the heck cares if it is useful? Like I said before, my theory is that if you’re good enough at what you do and not a total jerk of a person, you’ll find work.

Frankly, as the last year or so has passed, I am sort of realizing that I am really just not that into Poli Sci. I can’t explain quite what it is. Well, I can a little. Like any scientific based study, it’s a bit pessimistic. I really like to optimistically think that we can fix our political (particularly voting) problems in this country. . . Poli Sci says that ain’t happenin’.

That said, Poli Sci has helped me think in a more scientific, logical, and critical way- something I think the vast majority of History majors just can’t or wont do. How even basic deductive reasoning is so beyond so many makes my brain hurt, but what are you going to do?

BTW- thank you for the kind words!

Kalhoun, as I said upthread, my dad went to UCLA for a degree in Econ, graduating in the early 1970s. I regularly joke with him that he went to UCLA when the only requirement was that you were white and could pay the tuition :p. It’s funny that he is so critical of me though, as he’s fairly progressive on most of his social and political stances. I just think it fundamentally messes with his head when- after all these years where he’s been the smartest and most well off- his daughter is looking to get an even greater education.

My dad’s also an accountant. He’s a practical individual, so I think the thought of someone running off to spend 12 years (or however long) in college, all while racking up debt and eating nothing but ramen, sort of makes his head spin. Pile that on with the fact that he really thinks there is absolutely no point in getting anything farther than a BA degree and there ya go. He was telling me that he was become quite successful with his single BA and said I should just start my own business. Yes, yes- everyone wants to hire a Political Scientist who doesn’t have a Masters! Or a historian! I just think he is stuck in his generation- a generation where even going to college at all was a big, big deal. Now, I have friends with to science bachelors that can’t find a job! Hire education is really a key nowadays, if you ask me.

gardentraveler- I just explained his educational status above, so I’ll go into the rest of my family. My dad is 10 years older than my mom, but they divorced when I was four years old because they fought like cats and dogs. My mom certainly has her strengths- she’s a very well spoken individual who has a lot of excitement and energy- the kind of person that is good at sales, you know? That said, my mom didn’t graduate highschool. My mom also is tremendously dependent on men, because she has absolutely no idea how to be a big girl and take care of herself. Since I was about 14, I’ve felt like the adult in the relationship.

Since I was a little girl, my dad has always told me, “I love your mother, but you do not want to be like her. You do not want to depend on men. You want to get educated so you can take care of yourself.” To me, that’s a somewhat progressive and logical thing to tell your little daughter. Of course, backing up such assertions as I got older would have been nice, too :p. As far as the rest of the family- my dad’s family is all pretty much dead and gone, while my mom’s family barely can hold together high school diplomas. Don’t get me wrong, my mom’s family all have that same outgoing trait that can help them fair pretty well in life, they just aren’t “book smart.”

My entire family always jokes that I turned out perfect: I got my mom’s personality and my dad’s booksmarts. Oh, that’s another point- my dad is really sort of shy and quiet, whereas I’m just like my mom.

34

This has been said many times and in better words: Hang in there.

People come and go. An education cannot be taken from you.

Best of luck to you!

35

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
My dad tells me I shouldn’t go to graduate school because some people are naturally studious and smart, I’m- apparently-not.
[/QUOTE]

He says what?! He’s wrong, lady. You’re definitely smart and articulate. I understand where you’re coming from; my father did something similar to me, although in my case, he focused on my looks and my singing. My father also has a whole bunch of issues, some of which he inflicted on me. Eventually, there came a time when I realized he was wrong and set about being what I wanted to be. Smile, nod, know he’s wrong, love him anyway, but do what suits you. My father has finally conceded I can sing, (don’t ask about the looks). Ten years from now, yours might concede you actually know a thing or two about making a living and surviving.

Good luck to you, lady. Just keep that old lyric from Teach Your Parents Well in mind, “Just look at them and si-i-igh, and know they love you.”

36

gardentraveler- I also meant to say- thank you for the think! I hadn’t even considered OS! I’ll check that out as soon as I get a moment.

Least Original User Name Ever. . . but I don’t buy the UltraTax. That’s my dad. And why the hell haven’t you jerks sent out the state package yet? Stop dragging your feet, hippy :p.

VunderBob, you actually have a good point. I’m considering turning in my driver’s license. I mean, why do I need it? There’s no pavement between the bedroom and the kitchen! :smiley:

You’ve also nailed my biggest point- BAs in what I’ve got aren’t good for a darn thing. That doesn’t mean I see them as a waste, because I’m loving studying for them! I’m just realistic in my goals.

And I can’t ever imagine being in your wife’s shoes. I’m sure she’s a wonderful person and everything, but I can’t imagine being stay at home with absolutely nothing to do. Heck, my little pregnant friend from the other thread - who is 18 and pregnant with no car- was so bored that she called up one of those mail away colleges, signed up, and started work on something that looked exciting. Not for any reason but to pass the time. That’s exactly how I’d be.

Dangerosa- ain’t people great? I’m a snarky gossip whore, but I can’t imagine just sitting and ripping people apart. Oh well, it’s good to know karma is in full force (Karma’s Army!).

The friends really only irk me because they regularly tell me, “Oh, I’m a BIOLOGY major. Biology is MUCH harder than Political Science or history . . . I do LABS and stuff!” Ok, no. For every hour she is at a lab, I have to spend 3 reading some stupid book that I have no interest in. And it’s not just scanning through like she does with her science texts, I have to read it, understand it, summarize it, and be able to apply it to about a million different ideas. Poli Sci isn’t necessarily harder, but it sure as hell isn’t easier.

msmith537- most of my friends are in college! The primary difference is that they are all getting BSs (or studying business), while I’m getting a BA.

And actually, as much as my friends get on me, most of the annoyance comes from strangers. As I said, they as what I’m studying, they then get this look of disgust, laugh, and say, “What on earth are you going to do with THAT?” Then they tell me graduate school is silly and wasteful and why would a beautiful girl like me waste my time on a silly education?

Mr Bus Guy, is your daughter really shorter than me? I mean, I’m pretty damn short so that’d be amazing :D. I’m 5’3’’, btw.

And you’re not kidding about the sexual harassment, but that’s ok. Lawsuits from guys groping my ass = free trip to Hawaii. :stuck_out_tongue:

Thank you though. It’s just hard to wonder if I’m smart enough and making the right decisions when I’m faced with all of these morons telling me daily otherwise. I know I can do it, but you can only hear something so many times before it begins to make shake your basic beliefs.

37

I’m not dragging my feet, oh receiver of massive poodle-ballings. The states get released when the states ratify their forms for the coming year. Besides, Congress is playing with a few bills on the table that can change the tax landscape, so things could get messy. Keep your software updated. As soon as we get the stuff, you’ll get the stuff. The next cd comes out December 18th for download.
Have fun with your gay ass organizers.
You dork.

38

Yeah, you would blame the Ways and Means Committee. So typical of you! Gosh!

39

5’3"???

Damn, you are shorter than her.

She saw me IM’ing you a while back - it’d have to be a while huh? And she said “who’s that?”

I said, this is you, in California.

She pats my head, says “poor dad, you really don’t know what to do with one of me, you need another?”

:rolleyes:

40

DiosaBellissima, trust me on this one. As long as you are being a responsible adult, keeping a roof over your head and food on the table, and not hurting anyone else, you should do what your heart tells you to do. If you start down the path of living your life that way everyone else expects you to, you’re living it for them and not yourself. You will never make all of them happy. Never. Make yourself happy first and let them come along for the ride, if they choose.

This is one of those “Do as I say, not as I do” things.