I broke up with my girlfriend :-(

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I broke up with my girlfriend on Saturday night. I’m very sad now.

On Friday we started talking about various issues and we discovered that we had very different opinions on some issues which were very important to us. We knew that we had different ideas, but I didn’t realize how strongly we both felt on some of the issues and in completely opposite directions. I realized that she was planning on marrying me too. The idea appealed to me but I couldn’t bend on some of these issues and she couldn’t bend on them either. We found somethings that we would be willing to compromise on but I was still confused as to how to feel about it all. She had no problems with me and wanted to continue going out with me. I left Friday night feeling very awkward. I gave her a kiss when I left even though I was feeling very awkward.

On Saturday she came over to my place and we worked on my brakes, went out and activated a cell phone account for her (I gave her my old phone) and then we went to Subway for lunch. The whole time we were out I couldn’t stop thinking of what our future was going to be like. Later in the afternoon she said that she had to get going to run some errands. I said “Bye” and walked her to her car. I felt very awkward and couldn’t kiss her. I wanted to kiss her but I was afraid if I did this I might lead her on because at this point I was feeling more like being friends with her than a ‘boyfriend’. After she left I felt like kicking my ass for saying “Bye” and nothing else.

I called her house and left a message on her answering machine appologizing for the way I said goodbye and asking her to call me when she returned home. Three hours went by and she still didn’t call so I called her house again. No answer. I left a message inviting her out to eat with my mom and brother on Sunday for my brother’s birthday.

I was supposed to go out with my brother on Saturday night as it was his birthday. He called me and said that he just wanted to stay at his girlfriends house and play cards or a boardgame. He told me to come over. I told him that I wanted to go out and not over there if it was just going to be the two of them there. So, I decided I would go to the bar that Audrey was going to be at that night with all of her friends. I got there at 9:30 and waited. I waited and waited and waited. Eventually it was a little past 11 when she and her friends came in. I went over to her and appologized to her and told her that I just felt really awkward. She said that it was okay. I asked her if she was home at all after she left my house and she said that she was but she didn’t listend to the messages. We hung around there for a few minutes when she said that it was too crowded and that she was really tired. She asked if I could drive her back to her car which was at her friends house. I agreed.

On the way back to her car she asked me what I was still confused about. I briefly told her and things were starting to really feel awkward. We were mostly quiet for the rest of the trip back to her car. Once we got there we started talking some more. I asked her if she wanted to go out to eat the next day. She said that she did, but not as my friend. She told me that she didn’t want me wasting her time or my time if we were never going to be more than friends. I hugged her. I was weighing in my mind the two options I had. I decided that I couldn’t continue going out with her as I couldn’t see myself getting married to her. I told her this. It was very hard and painful for me. I told her that I guess we will leave that night as friends. She got out of my car and walked back to her car. I waited until she was able to get it started and then I drove off.

I spent most of Sunday crying and debating on whether I should get back with her or not. I knew that if I called her to get back with her it would be the same as saying that I would marry her. I kept feeling like I was throwing away something special and unique. I truly did and still do love her. However, since neither one of us could comprimise on issues that were very dear to us I could see problems in the future. I couldn’t take the chance of marrying her and then years later wishing I never did. I went for a three mile walk and thought things over. I thought I was finally over it. When I got home and stopped walking I started crying again. I got to work this morning and a coworker asked me how my weekend was. I started crying.

I wish she would email me or call me or something to let me know that everything is okay. I can’t imagine how she must be feeling if I’m feeling this way and I’m the one who did the breaking up. I know that I shouldn’t call her or email her because I’m probably the last person in the world who she wants to hear from. I also don’t know what I could possibly say or do. I feel at a loss. I feel so terrible and I wish the hurt would go away. I miss her. I just wish I could hear her voice or read an email from her. I don’t want her to go away but I know that it is for the best this way.

2

Astro, I’m not a really huggy kind of guy, but my thoughts and sympathies are with you, man.

I’ve been in a similiar situation before. You know what you did was probably the “right” thing, or else you wouldn’t be this conflicted. That doesn’t help the fact that you’re still in love with this woman and that, realistically, part of you always will be.

Harsh as it sounds, one way or the other, you’ve entered the dreaded land of "What if?.., and you’re going to always have it whether the two of you get back together and magically work out all those major life-view differences or not. It sucks majorly, but it’s part of what forges us into compassionate and worthwhile human beings.

You’re grieving a very important loss right now. In a way, it’s even mroe painful than if the person had died, because you know she’s still out there, that the two of you love each other and that all you probably have to do is pick up a phone. It hurts incredibly.

The most important thing is to let yourself grieve. It’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to be angry (with her, yourself and the gods) about it. The most important thing is to keep moving, but remember to do it very very slowly. You’ll make progress, but you need to pay extra attention to everything right now, because the pain can cloud your judgment.

Best wishes, buddy. Remember, as long as you keep breathing, things can always get better.

3

Sorry, Astro. That’s really tough. I think that you’ve ultimately done the right thing, for both of you. It’s gonna be tough for a while (maybe a long while), but it’ll get better, it always does. I wish that I had some words of wisdom that would make it all seem ok, but I don’t. Just, try to be strong and realize that things will work out.

4

I feel your pain, Astro. Tommy and Angel (sorry, haven’t gotten the hang of the bolding thing yet) are dead-on in their advice. You’ve experienced how a relationship can be a double-edged sword - a relationship can result in much love and happiness for both parties, but can also be extremely painful. Right now it sounds like you’re hurting pretty badly. That’s totally understandable - with the amount of time and effort you’ve put into the relationship, that’s a huge loss. In a way, though, the pain is a good thing. It lets you know that you truly value your relationship and that you built something good, and feeling that pain is a way to help you heal from that loss. Don’t try to suck it up and not think about it. Make sure you talk to your friends and family about it - the more you talk about your feelings, the easier it gets to deal with those feelings.

Also, think about all the good things that you’ve gotten from your relationship. You’ve had a lot of good times, you’ve grown, you’ve learned a lot about yourself, about your girlfriend, about what you want and what you don’t want out of a relationship. Overall, you’ve gotten more than you’ve lost. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but in time, the pain will fade and you’ll be grateful for all that you’ve gotten.

I’m sorry for the loss that you’ve had. Keep your chin up. In time, you’ll find someone who’s compatible with your beliefs, and your relationship with them will be even stronger than the one you had before. Everything’s gonna be okay, man.

Krunk