So after writing the above thread, I decided I wanted to visit her one more time to make sure. The moment I saw her I was certain that I had lost the connection with her and that I wanted to focus on relationships that are local and to keep my energies focused on home rather than far away. We had a very mature discussion and both agreed to keep our minds open regarding what the future may hold. We are planning to keep being friends. I’m staying with her for a few days before heading home early (I had originally planned to stay a week, now it will only be a few days).
I feel relief, and mostly very positive about this decision. I have to admit though there are so many awesome qualities about her. I hope I can find a better fit for me both logistically, and in the areas of less family drama, less health issues, more sex positive, and less religious. I do continue to hold out hope for finding the right match for me. I am glad I am no longer stringing her along.
I’ll take some time off before looking again. Supportive thoughts? It was alot better than I thought this would be. I’m not feeling horrible or anything. She’s doing ok too. Maybe thats a sign we didn’t have a huge connection.
Not lining up on family drama AND health AND sex AND religion? That’s a whole lotta incompatibility. If it helps, I just broke up with someone (New Guy, to a few folks around here) for very similar reasons: we like each other a lot, but don’t see eye-to-eye on so damn many things.
Just because someone is A match for you doesn’t mean they’re a REALLY GOOD match for you.
“Me and my girlfriend split up…” Could be she was looking for someone who knew how to speak and write English correctly. You should have said “My girlfriend and I split up.”
Thank you. I am hoping I experience this eventually. I become easily attached and I’ve become better at listening to myself. My first relationship felt like this current one and it ended in disaster…so I hope I avoided a similar experience.
I skimmed your previous thread, one thing jumped out at me a little - your religious differences.
I had a really good buddy, die-hard, ferocious atheist and he was madly in love with a very traditional Roman Catholic. He cried on my shoulder (I get a lot of these because I am a Christian but an incredibly reasonable, science-embracing Christian) about how much he loved her - he just needed her to stop trying to change him into a believer.
I told him flat out, it won’t work. I said, what you have to understand about her is that she believes with all her heart that you are doomed to hell for all eternity if you don’t believer, so asking her to stop trying to convince you is like asking her not to love you. Along with that is the fact that he has far too much contempt for her beliefs, combining the two, disaster.
The only way these things have ever worked is if both are a bit moderate and agree to respect each other, and agree to disagree. Even then it’s a crapshoot.
Good luck Quasi! I did not even realize (because I am clearly très observant) that you were not only Canadian, but from the Prairies. We will have to grab a coffee sometime when I am cruising across the flatlands again.
I think that was a wise decision on both your parts, Quasimodal. Good luck! For some reason, I didn’t know that you were from the Prairies, I have some family and friends out that-a-way.
Edited to add that I must pay attention and read the rules again. Is my memory failing, but wasn’t there a time where correcting grammar and spelling was the only "jerkish’’ behaviour tolerated, nay encouraged, at the Dope?
Mods may feel free to correct my grammar. However let it be known grammar is a tricky skill and the grammar police may come knocking at your door at any moment. Anyways, feel free to pick away it if you so choose, but my time is more valuable then to be spent dwelling on it.
As an update, I feel mostly positive but still have guilt / regret because I remember the positives of the relationship. However I feel I’ve come so far in the past two years with my understanding of relationships. So it’s a mixed bag for me right now. I am sincerely thankful for all the encouragement and positive thoughts. I do hope one day I meet a person who has long term potential. I’ll keep being the best person I can be in the meantime.
These feelings will eventually mellow into warm, happy memories. The guilt seems inevitable with breakups, but eventually that will fade as you come to realize how much better off you BOTH are.
Nah, your grammar, though including a supposedly “incorrect” construction which in fact just represents the way people actually talk, is just dandy. I don’t think anyone is really suggesting that it needs policing. It’s just that the utterance “me and X” invariably and automatically has to be followed up by the comment “no, it’s ‘X and I’”. It’s like a punchline to a joke that everyone knows. It’s automatic, like a nervous tic. My posting finger was twitching, too.
It’s taking the piss out of the grammar police more than you, I think. At least that’s my interpretation.
Sorry about your girlfriend situation, BTW. Crappy time of the year for it, too.
