It seems very hard to find a potential mate who both:
-Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit
AND
-Is a total homebody who isn’t constantly wanting to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend and so forth
What two criteria are the rest of you single dopers finding to be seemingly mutually exclusive?
Max, I don’t see the problem. You described a reader, twice.
Now all you need is someone who likes little adventures, close to home. Someone who will watch the wildlife that scurries away when you turn over a stone in the garden.
Hey, Max, it took me 37 years to find somebody like you describe. It has turned out to be totally worth the wait. So I can understand your frustration. I don’t have any advice, though. Whether you find her or not seems to be a matter of luck.
MaxTheVool- what you want is a geek.
Not a big geek, but someone who thinks that a day spent watching a good movie or reading a good book is just as rewarding as a day spent runing around the place looking for something new and exciting to do.
Failing that, try dating older people than you currently go for, ones who have already gone through the “backpack the world” phase.
Skinny with huge natural tits.
Found a few, mind you, but they always had some other qualities that compensated for their physical beauty.
Actually, I think much of the problem may be with the one looking. There are so many wonderful, intelligent, beautiful people out there looking for a relationship also… I know every time I get wistful about relationship woes, I think about some of the very available (and wantable) people I already know and why I’ve already either decide no or decided not to decide and that gets out of that self pity mindset. Not a complaint or censure in re the OP, btw, just my own rambling observations…
" -Is smart and knowledgeable and has wide-ranging interests and can converse on a variety of topics with a high level of erudition and get my jokes and make similar jokes back and maybe beat me at trivial pursuit"
check
-someone who, by default, thinks of other people before themselves
Does this mean, as my ex-boyfriend thought, ‘Never leaves the apartment unless absolutely necessary’?
I can be a homebody, but he pushed it to the point of ridiculousness by not wanting to go anywhere at all for months and months. It was’t that he wouldn’t go out with me, either. He absolutely refused to leave his apartment no matter who asked him to go somewhere. His roommate asks if he wants to go out for pizza? No. His friends invite him to a barbecue? No.
All he wanted to do was sit there, like a lump, watching SG-1. I was more the ‘Hey goin out on a Saturday night once a month is a nice idea, and maybe y’know, a weekend road trip every couple months… camping perhaps?’
Sorry, I’m already married. And my husband complains that I don’t want to go on a cruise this summer, or go camping, or to the beach…And he complains that I don’t enjoy watching JAG, or the latest sitcom.
If anyone else wants to talk to me, I’ll be in my room, surfing and crocheting.
Max, I found one, but he’s male, he’s in Pennsylvania, and he’s mine. On the other hand, I didn’t find him until I was 39 and even so he tends to hide in the shadows.
The trick to finding them is figure out what will lure them out of their homes and go to those things. I freely admit that when I moved back to town I went to science fiction conventions because I knew my kind of people would hang out there. It worked. Thanks to some people I met at one, I also took to going to Mensa events, which is where I met the above-mentioned gentleman. It may sound hopelessly geeky, but then again, I am hopelessly geeky, so it fits.
I can’t see why anyone would want the second thing. To me it would be more palatable if it read:
wants to jet off to exotic lands and have a brand new spontaneous adventure every weekend, but will either take me along, or accepts how pleasant it can sometimes be to just sit on the couch.
or 
as appropriate)
