I can't take this anymore, a prayer for anyone listening

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273427&highlight=kinthalis

That’s it, I no longer know what to do.

Nothing is going accordign to plan, I’m so scared and alone.

Today I drove to our home, and then went to the ATM. I wanted to surprise her and bring her a nice lunch to work. But I was so upste I couldn’t remeber the ATM pin code and the stupid thing swallowed my card. I only had a few bucks to my name at the moment so I went to mcdonalds to get somehting for us, and I got a ticket for street cleaning (there were other cars there when I parked, but they all took off when the sweeper came).

But I didn’t care, I thought I was going to get to spend a few precious moments with her.

When I showed up, she would not let me, because he was there.

I just broke down right there, I begged to please be with me, to leave him and come with me, and give us another shot at happiness. But she said she had to go, and that she wanted to spend time with him.
I ran as fast as I could to my car, and I left, drove down to hoboken by the river, there was a dead end And I thought for severla minutes about just driving right though and into the river.

I can’t live without her. Can anyone live without their heart? People kill themselves over chronic pain, well this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt!

I think I’m going to drive by that dead end again tomorrow…

I love you so much my baby…

2

(((Kinthalis))) For what it’s worth, know that my heart bleeds for you. I know the pain you are in, having been there myself some 20 years ago, and then again some 10 years ago. I cannot offer any advice, because I know the way you feel you don’t want it anyway. All you want is your life back. Take each day as it comes for now and try to take care of yourself.

3

From someone who was exactly where you are, lemme tell you to hold on. I had a special suicide spot picked out too, because I thought that the pain would get too hard to handle.

However, you’ve got to hang on, because everything in this world changes. For example, your relationship with your girlfriend changed. Now you feel that you might die. This feeling will change too. You’ve got to dig down deeper and wait for that change.

4

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds as though your pain is just too big to even be in the same room with.

Please, if you are thinking of hurting yourself, find someone with a soft shoulder to talk to. There are many crisis hotlines around, listed in the blue pages of your phone book.

I don’t know what else to say to comfort you…I went though a very painful breakup not too long ago and I honestly did not think I could stand the pain and the loss. I am still here…you will be, too. Not much help in the short run.

5

I hear a story like this and the first thing I want to do is run to your aid, whip out the old magic wand and make everything better…but I can’t do any more than tell you words you don’t want to hear.

I’m not going to tell you it’s all going to be fine, that the pain will go away and that you’ll move on because I can’t say that for you. Most likely that pain will stay with you for a long, long time. Old wounds, my friend. But time keeps on going, life keeps on going and you’ll keep on going because you have to, and maybe soon enough you’ll have a reason to. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll win her back, nor that you’ll never see her again because anything can happen. But I can tell you that while she is your “only” now, she won’t be in the future. Even if you never want to step in the water, sooner or later it’s just gonna rain.

What you have come to experience is the harshness of reality. We’d all like to live in a world where we met that one person and live happily ever after, and I would cry tears of blood if it meant that that could be true for everyone. But love is nothing of the sort. Love is hard work and pain and all for the simple prize of contentment. Even so we continue to strive for it, we build huge emotional walls that come crashing down only for us to rebuild, but rebuild we do. The fact is I can say as much as I want but it will not stop you pining for her, nor will it force you to move on so I will only say one more thing:

And if I choose to love you, with no reciprocity
And continued to love you,
Rather than forgive and forget,
Why would I be foolish?
Even with the pain, of rejection, of loss,
To have loved and lost still has love.
That pain, publicly hated and privately craved,
A permanent scar for the true, bold few.
That pain, that is a memory
Of the love that I did not let slip away.

6

Oh man, oh man, oh man, I know the pain you feel! It is a horrible experience but… listen to me… IT DOES GET BETTER! It sounds like you are in the deep pits and have bottomed out, which is good because now your heart will start the healing process. It takes a long time, but IT DOES GET BETTER! You will recover from this! I remember staggering around in that nightmare state, doing lots of drinkin’ and very little thinkin’, but I made it through. We here are your friends and will give you any support you need, but the healing will come from within you.
Trust me.

7

If you’re thinking about ending it all, please get help immediately. Call your doctor, call a hotline, call someone. NOW.

twicks, whose suicidal mother never succeded – but whose suicidal best friend did

8

It DOES get better. Really. You need to find someone to talk to to help you sort it out in your head.

You’ll be okay. It hurts like hell for a long time, but you WILL be okay.

You’re stronger than you think you are, just give yourself time to adjust to it.

9

Hon, don’t make any decisions right now. You need to wait, ride this out, let it sit. It hurts like hell and it’s hard to bear. If you feel like you can’t take it, go to a hospital right now. People do it every day, really they do. Strong people ask for help. You will survive this.

10

Oh man, I really feel for you…especially because I too had a relationship that meant the world to me fall apart recently.
First of all, please don’t kill yourself. If you committed suicide, I guarantee that you would be causing people who care about you to feel even more hurt than you feel right now for having lost this girl. Don’t spread the pain around even more.

I understand the agony and the sorrow. I know how easy it is to think that things will never be as good as they used to be ever again. But, please, please, hang in there and have faith that things WILL get better.
I have loved and lost in a big way other times, as well as having grieved the death of a loved one. And you know what? As bad as I felt, as much as I thought I would never get over those losses, time DID heal me of even the most gut-wrenching pain and devastation.
As bad as I feel right now, I have learned this is just a state of transition.
Grieve for what you’ve lost…but never lose sight of the fact that this is only temporary. You will emerge from this stronger and wiser. You will find love again and someday this will all be a distant memory. Hang in there, man.

11

Kinthalis: Hang in there friend. Not all is lost yet. Find someone to talk too soon, even a stranger… and please don’t off yourself. There is much more to live for than a girl. Trust me on this, even if you don’t want too.

Much love to you my friend. I will think about you often.

12

You ever hear your dad say, “well, there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” and wonder at how he could be so insultingly dismissive and blunt, showing no compassion, when you’re obviously in a terrible amount of pain?

Well, the thing is that he’s at a higher place. He knows precisely what it’s like. He understands. He empathizes. He’s looking back on his life and remembering that girl that broke his heart when he was younger, and he sees the cumulative effect of all that heartache and pain and bleak despair, and you know what his conclusion is?

“It hurt, but it didn’t kill me. And after all, I ended up OK.”

You’ll end up OK. Don’t do anything stupid and irreversible.

Take this advice from someone who has been in the exact position you presently occupy:

Pain like this is an asymptotic function. Pain Intensity is the Y axis, and Time is the X axis. At the beginning, the pain is terrible, but it tapers off. Granted, when you’re 100 years old, with a gaggle of great-grandchildren around your knees, and you think about this girl who hurt you, you’ll still experience a brief, irrational twinge of pain, but by then, you’ll understand that of things such as this life is made. This is what we humble creatures do. We stumble around and hurt each other and get hurt and become old and wise, and hopefully, compassionate.

Can your thoughts about suicide, kid. No matter how bad it hurts now, dead ain’t any better (also consider what happens if you botch it. Quadriplegic-with-feeding-tubes is a whole lot worse than a few months of despair and bad poetry.) Death is to be considered the Enemy. Life is good. You may not see that now, but you will.

One other thing. The relationship is O.V.E.R. Don’t be her “second choice.” Ever. Moving out was a great idea.

Now go get drunk and maudlin.

13

I feel your pain. I went through the exact same thing with my boyfriend of 9 years. I thought about suicide all the time, and still do sometimes and it has been almost 2 years.

My advice: you need to start feeling some HATE and ANGER towards that evil bitch who was cheating on you, lying to you and who is now refusing to see you because her new boyfriend was there.

You say you wanted to spend a few “precious” moments with her? How the hell could even a milisecond be precious with this bitch who betrayed you? Who ruined your life? Why would you beg to be with someone who betrayed you, who stabbed you through your heart and threw you into a gutter?

You asked for another “shot at happiness?” What happiness? Look what she has done to you! She cheated, lied and betrayed and now she is kicking you why you are down. Why would you ever want to see this person again?

THINK about it. Learn to hate her, and you won’t have that desperate pain of wanting to be with her.

E-mail or IM me if you need to talk. You WILL get through this. I won’t lie: it won’t be easy, but you will get through it.

14

Now listen!!!

Nothing in the world feels as good as being in love.
But being in love is not the product of the wonderfulness of the other person multiplied by your luckiness in having a relationship with her. It’s not the same phenomenon as simply having the lusty hots for someone, but guess what? Being in love does, also, have a chemical component. You get high on the person you’re in love with. Your sleep patterns change. Your digestion changes. Your breathing even changes. The patterns of your mind change.

And, right now, you aren’t merely suffering the emotional effects of contemplating the loss of this relationship. You’re going through one of the world’s most miserable varieties of withdrawal symptoms. Chemical. Minutes seem to last for days. It takes an exhausting act of will to breathe sometimes. You can’t think clearly. Death seems like a good idea. Partly chemical, you hear me?

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FEEL THIS WAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE..

Now, this may going to sound peculiar, like an absolute non-sequitur. Go buy some chocolate. And eat it.

You will live to fall in love again, if you aren’t too scared of re-experiencing what you’re going through right now (I know, I know, it absolutely sucks, doesn’t it?). They don’t all, always, end this way. They don’t. And if this is your first time going through this…well, I wish I could say this part gets better…it doesn’t…but you do become more cognizant, on a gut level, that you are going to get through this, and that even if today getting through it to live a life without her doesn’t necessarily even sound like a desirable goal, it will later. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

Don’t go killing yourself, dammit.

15

If you kill yourself, you will be letting the two of them win. The people you’ll hurt most will be your family, not the two of them, and especially not him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of having you out of the way. Stick around to be the constant reminder to her of how good she had it with you, when he inevitably becomes a jerk, and you end up with someone twice as wonderful.

16

Geez guy. I don’t have anything to share with you more than these wise folks already have. My only suggestion: be good to yourself. In all ways. Hang in.

17

Print this out and read it every day. Several times a day. What you’re feeling is withdrawal. I don’t want to stomp on your already mangled feelings, but loving somebody is caring more about them than yourself. I’m not saying that being with you is not what would have been best for her, nobody can know that till it’s all said and done. But the ache you are feeling is about you, not about her. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s normal, it’s human, and fuck! it hurts. But it isn’t LOVE. And given time you will recover. So please, please give yourself the time.

18

And you’ve got to stop doing things for HER…do some things for yourself. Trying to buy her a nice lunch, giving her flowers, surprising her…all this stuff is not helping. It’s making it worse for you. You have to distance yourself from her…if she sees that she made a huge mistake once you’re gone, GREAT - now you can choose to accept the cheater back or not. But stop doing things for her…let her see what it’s like without you as a safety net for her to fall back on. She sees all this stuff you keep doing and knows that you’re right there waiting for her like a puppy, in case this new guy doesn’t work out. Think and focus on yourself. Someday you’ll look back and realize all this forum advice was pretty right on, even though it sounds awful right now.

19

Oh Kinthalis! I’ve been there. It sucks. It’s the worst. I am so sorry. I didn’t think I would make it through either. I stayed with my Mom and I said to myself everyday “tomorrow will be better”. It doesn’t seem like that, but every day gets a little better. Just tell yourself to get through today. Find your friends. YOUR friends. Hang out with your family. But AVOID her. Don’t go see her. Please believe me it WILL get better.
It took some time, but eventually I stopped caring about him. And eventually I realized how bad he really had been for me. And I came to discover that I was so happy and relieved I was not in that relationship anymore.
I am now so very happily married to a man who is infinitely better than anything I could have ever dreamt of.
I knwo it’s hard to believe, but there is someone out there for you. And she will love you so much and you can tell because she will be devoted to you. This one wasn’t and that is why she’s bad for you. Please see it.
Just tell yourself everyday, “tomorrow will be better”.

Let us know how you’re doing.

Love,
Pussycow

20

Hang in there, and ** talk to somebody!**
Don’t do anything that can not be undone. It isn’t about letting “them” win, or making her feel sorry when you’re gone, or anything like that. Do things to distract yourself and keep busy. It’s a stalling tactic, but it just might help. When you start feeling better about things, cut her off completely and permanently. The best revenge is to live well. Again, talk to somebody.