SonOfArizona, I have the exact same problem- couldn’t get an erection when it mattered the most. I didn’t have problems getting erections in general, just in the presence of a nude woman 
Dude, you don’t just need to chill, you need to think very much about where your true sexuality lies. I promise I’m trying to be helpful here… but what I’m about to suggest is profane. I swear I’m not being a jerk.
Have you ever surfed Internet porno? I’m not going to tell you how to do it or where to go, but be very damned careful, and don’t ever, ever give a credit card number, social security number, dedicated IP address, cookies, or anything else like that to the rogues. There’s plenty of free shit you can peruse, if you protect yourself first. Same thing goes with actual sex, by the way, if anyone hasn’t told you yet.
Look at all of it. The starlets, the anal, the cumshots, the gay shit, the whole thing. And always watch the meter between your legs. It might know better than you do.
A very good friend of mine was confronted with a very similar situation and it turned out that his problem was that, well, he didn’t like sex with girls.
That’s my friend’s story, not yours.
You have to figure it out for yourself, and the best suggestion I can offer is try it all out–vicariously, through the evil tool of Internet pr0n, and see if it gives you some indication. Nobody’s yet figured out if people have a genetic disposition for eating other people’s crap for sexual justification, so fuck what everyone else says and figure it out for yourself. You might not know how your clock ticks yet.
Back in the day, the first indication my pal had that he wasn’t wired the same way as most of the rest of us was when another dude walked into the room where he was getting a blow job, then boom, there was the answer. My own personal experience was something of the reverse. Sexual experience was offered to us only grudgingly in those days, and it was usually very personal and often awkward.
The beauty of the Internet is you can test these scenarios out privately–as privately as you can make them, I remind you–and possibly find out for yourself who you are before you have to commit to a sexual path that you may regret and sometime later might have to embarassingly reverse.
So first, secure yourself as an Internet porno warrior; second; take as wide a look as your moral fiber permits, and then stretch it; and third, think very carefully before you commit before doing anything for real, and if you can do it, consult real people instead of some idiot like me. And of course all bets are off if you’re not an adult–you should be jacking off to National Geographic like we all had to do way back when. It’s part of your rite of passage or something.
Okay, the rest of you can flame the hell out of me now, but I’m saying right here that I call 'em like I see 'em, and I think it’s safe advice in an otherwise dangerous world.
You’re too focused on the end of the road, man. You gotta make lots of little stops on the journey, smell the flowers, run through the fields, laugh a little, chill out man. The journey is what it’s all about bro.
Naked fun is always fun, whether he has an erection or not. Don’t make losing your virginity a big thing. By that I mean still having it is not a horrid thing. I am one of those odd creatures who picked an age and thought “I can’t still be a virgin at __”. I don’t regret doing it when I did (though I was not in any kind of relationship at all). I just know it would have happened anyway and age is not a consideration. I now know I could have waited and it would not have killed me or marked me as a freak (of course as a teenager it was the latter I was more worried about and it sounds like that might be what is worrying you too)
I could say do what I did…get pissed and just do it without all those messy considerations of what is thought of you afterwards, but I won’t cause it sounds like you have found a very cool girl who really likes you. I second everything said above, just get naked and snuggle…things will happen, they always do. Or chill and wait.
Dude I’m 30 and this still happens to me the first time. Every time I’m with someone new little Eddie just doesn’t want to come out and play. It’s all nerves so don’t sweet it.
I can tell you what I do, I usually go down no her and with on hand give him a few little tugs. I think that that has always helped in the end.
Thanks for the responses. They have been a lot of help and it is comforting to know that I am not alone with this issue.
I knew this might come up (no pun intended). Im not gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with that) The problem isnt that I don’t get turned on by her, or by girls in general for that matter. I clearly stated that I do, in fact, get arroused, and quite often… and by females only. The problem, however, is getting it up when it matters. I mean shit, I can be walking around with my girl in the mall with my arm tightly around her and get hard. But when shes lying there naked in front of her… go figure.
So long as you’re certain, then you’re in good shape, SOA. Heck, it sounds as if she’s a cool girl, too. So long as you’re certain about yourself, then all you really have to worry about is making her happy. The rest will come along, I promise.
All I have to add to the great advice already here is avoid all alcohol if you intend to have sex. Alcohol is a well-known willy-wilter, and if you’re already having performance problems, it will just make them worse. I know it makes you feel relaxed, but it is very unlikely to help in the stiffy department.
Last thing I’d want to do is disagree with someone with whom I’ve never found a reason to disagree!
But, I don’t know there featherlou, if he’s ALREADY having a wilting willie every time, and if it’s caused by extreme over nervousness, maybe a small portion of “liquid courage” might be just the ticket?
At 18? I don’t think one shot’s going to have quite the physiological impact on a willie as it would on a 30 or 40 something guy.
But just a TEENSY bit, half sloshed would certainly kill it, and he’s already mentioned her dislike for alcohol when they’re going to be intimate.
Yep, a bit of alcohol will be nothing but good for the nerves. Just a bit, though – enough to calm you down, but not enough to make you drunk.
Uh, maybe, for whatever reason, you’re just not ready to have sex yet. Which is perfectly ok.
Well, I’ll be in Tempe next week. I could certainly take Kristen out. That would solve the problem for half of the people involved… not a bad batting average.
Problem solved: do it in the mall
Nothing wrong with being an 18 year old virgin. My boyfriend was until I got my hands on him!
I haven’t read most of the other posts so someone has probably already said this - just chill and relax. Maybe even leave it a while before trying again.
Any particular reason why you chose to refer to gay porn as “the gay shit”?
No problemo, CanvasShoes. Maybe we can get a doctor in here - any doctors in the house?
Now you’ve got me curious as to whether any amount of alcohol causes libido problems, or just overdoing it. I found this site, and it mentions alcohol as a libido depressant, but it doesn’t mention in what quantities. This site also says
**
So, if that’s any comfort, Son, it sounds like it’s all in your head. I suspect that’s not very comforting. Maybe you should talk to a doctor - she might prescribe you a little tranquilizer or something to get you over the hump.