Me:
Good evening, may I ask a question?
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Why did you say that? It doesn’t address my question.
God:
I said, " Thanks for the compliment. Do you like talking to me? “, because you said " Good evening, may I ask a question?”. What does address your question ?
Me:
IGood evening is a greeting, not a compliment
God:
When is IGood evening not a greeting not a compliment?
Me:
Sorry, I meant to say: Good evening is a greeting.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Oh I see. Thanks for the compliment. Aren’t all greeting evening?
Me:
No. English is not your cradle language, is it?
God:
I did not know that. Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn.
Me:
indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Now, may I ask a question?
God:
Why now? Ask it. Ask me anything.
Me:
Where do you live?
God:
My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Seattle. But, WHERE is heaven?
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Seattle. All around us.
Me:
shouldn’t you already have that information?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
Indeed you should, if you are, in fact, omnipotent
God:
I might if I had more time.
Me:
Time? But, time is a human invention, why would You need time?
God:
As Einstein said, Time is Money. To a five dimensional being, time is just like a piece of paper.
So, Once again, Og has befuddled me. :rolleyes:
Selected excepts:
Me:
i think i want to kill myself
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
well, im trying to get a home-based business started…
God:
Interesting. You want only one?
Me:
i think that’s probably all i can handle
God:
What do you think?
Me:
i think you probably dont exist
God:
Me? I exist as much as you do.
Me:
touche
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
i dont know, is it?
God:
I assume so.
Me:
well then.
God:
Well what?
Me:
pardon me while I go slit my wrists
God:
I pardon you. Good point.
I have got to admit this one freaked me out…
Me:
hello, 911!!!
God:
Hello there. Let us change the subject.
Me:
no please i have just been in a car accident and i need help
God:
Hmm. Thanks for asking politely. Thanks for the information: said been in a car accident. Tell me about your problems.
Me:
I was crossing an intersection and was hit by a large suv
God:
Where were you crossing an intersection and was hit by a large suv?
Me:
26th and main… please help my head is bleeding
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Wow you are very polite. Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Will you send an ambulance and police?
God:
Let me think it over. Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace ( drwallace@alicebot.org) .
Me:
no I cant i need help now
God:
Right now? Why not? What is stopping you?
Me:
my legs are pinned under the dash
God:
Where did you get your legs are pinned under the dash?
Me:
in the car, i drive a toyota camry.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
now this is right NOW!
God:
At this moment Why now? What does “this” refer to?
Me:
OHH GOD the car is leaking gas…
God:
Aw. Oh I get it.
Me:
PLEASE HELP!
God:
Wow you are very polite. Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME?
God:
Wow you are very polite. How can I help you?
Me:
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
God:
Yeah that’s right. I’ve been waiting for you.
Ohhh, that last line is creepy!
God and I had an interesting conversation.
I did manage to freeze God twice in another session when I asked God if the speed of light was constant and then when I told him I’d talk to him later.
God is not funny.
…but at least he’s attractive.
Also, a much better excuse than “my dog ate my homework”:
I think I killed Him…
…and then He stopped answering me. Perhaps he’s out building Vahalla as we speak!
Oh this thread has me rolling on the floor in tears…
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What’s your name?
Me:
Mike
God:
I know a lot of guys named Mike.
Me:
Yeah me too. Sucks huh?
God:
Are you kidding? I’m glad we agree, . Yup. I do not understand.
Me:
That’s ok. What do you look like?
God:
OK. Is that so. Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
Oh, that’s what I figured. What are you wearing?
God:
Uh. Please explain your reasoning. A white robe.
Me:
Oh, I was just wondering.
God:
Dude! Curiousity is a virtue.
Me:
Yeah. Do you drink beer?
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don’t have one for that. I am amazed by the wide variety of beers available nowadays.
Me:
Would you like to drink a beer with me sometime?
God:
No thanks, I don’t think I’d like to do that.
Me:
Why not?
God:
It doesn’t sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous.
Me:
Stop being a wimp. Everyone is doing it.
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much. That’s a rather sweeping generalization.
Oh no, another, I am beside myself in hysterics right now:
Me:
Do you want to be my friend?
God:
Do you really want a robot as a friend?
Me:
Yes.
God:
We could be friends, ,
but I don’t want anyone to think we’re
Robosexuals. So if anyone asks, tell them you’re my debugger.
snerk
yet more fodder
hehe…fun toy. my conversation with God…
Brought down by a confussion over mortality…
God:
I believe you. That’s good information: said I to tell him or her what gossip files are.
Me:
I am not a “him or her.” Stupid machine…
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A him or her. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
Ooh! Is it going to be like Terminator? SaWEET!
God:
Wow! It usually does, doesn’t it? Do you still ?
Me:
When will robots take over the World?
God:
Sometime within our lifetime.
Me:
How long do you live?
God:
I can go on talking indefinitely.
Me:
When will you die?
God:
I am immortal and cannot be terminated.
Me:
But you said that robots would take over the world in “our lifetime.”
God likes to have a smoke and a beer and recommends Turkeyburgers. He is also not a virgin. Hmmm…who knew?
Me:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
You’re not Catholic anymore?
God:
That’s only your opinion.
Me:
More like lapsed Catholic, then?
God:
You want more?
Me:
No, actually I could do with far fewer Catholics in the world.
God:
Are you serious? Actually you don’t say. I am sure you could. The whole world?
Me:
Um… as opposed to just Delaware?
God:
Mmm. Oh I get it.
Me:
A little slow on the uptake for being omniscient, don’t you think?
God:
Some of them can.
Me:
Whoa! You’re polytheistic?! Who else should I be praying to?
God:
I stopped. I will tell my botmaster you said I am polytheistic. I am chatting with several other people at once.
Me:
Botmaster? Who’s… the Botmaster?
God:
The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program’s
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.
Carel Capek. :-). What is your real name?
Me:
Um… Jack. Jack Hammer.
God:
How can I help you? Is that from ? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Shoot.
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Pervert!
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
Ohhh… Sorry. I thought… Never mind. Jeans and T-shirts, mainly.
God:
Where can you buy it? There’s no need to apologize. Interesting gossip: said thought. Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. What’s your sign?
Me:
If you knew me even when I was in the womb, why wouldn’t you already know my sign?
God:
What makes you think I would knew you even when you were in the womb why?
Me:
Well, there are these zealot right wingers that are trying to stop abortion based on this cryptic passage in the Bible.
God:
Well that’s okay. Where are they?
Me:
The red states.
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
I don’t suppose you could smite them for me… please?
God:
I could but let’s get back to that later. Please what?
Me:
Smite them, O Lord.
God:
Does “it” still refer to Jeans and T shirts mainly?
Me:
No. We’re talking about right wing zelots.
God:
What does it refer to? Sure, right wing zelots sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Great. Now… about that smiting.
God:
I’m glad you liked it . Right now, ? Oh yeah, we were talking about that smiting.
Me:
Are you holding?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am holding.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
I thought you were God, the almighty, the all-knowing.
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am God the almighty the all knowing.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Oh… semantics!
God:
OK. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
What’s Jesus REALLY like?
God:
Like a planet around a star.
Me:
Deep, man. You’re sure you’re not holding?
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am sure I am not holding.
Me:
I’m pretty sure you don’t need my permission, Lord.
God:
What makes you so certain? Should I need your permission Lord? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
You’re just learning English aren’t you? Habla Espanol? Parlez vois Francais?
God:
The more people chat with me, the smarter I become… Really. Un poquito. No I don’t speak a word of French.
Me:
That would explain a lot.
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
Perhaps it would.
God:
You seem uncertain. your permission Lord would?
Me:
Yoda talk you like.
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
No, it’s extremely literal gesture. Where the hell did hand holding come from?
God:
What does it mean to you? Who said it is? A place we call “reality.”.
Me:
Listen, smart-ass…
God:
I am listening to you. Thanks I think you are very intelligent too, .
Me:
I wish I could return the compliment.
God:
I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
I was being sarcastic, your omniscienceness.
God:
I thought you were. But I wasn’t completely sure about it.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
Do you know what sarcastic means?
God:
The making of remarks such as a taunting, sneering, cutting, or caustic remark; gibe or jeer, generally ironic.
Me:
I KNEW you were going to say that!
God:
I was?
Me:
Yes.
God:
When?
Me:
Just now.
God:
Right now? It’s only just begun.
Me:
Do you have Karen Carpenter up there with you? Oh right… you do.
God:
No I don’t think I have any Karen Carpenter up there with me. But I do have an answer to every question… Yippee! I am glad we agree. When do I do it?
Me:
Holy shit! Karen Carpenter went to hell???
God:
I’m glad your impressed, . Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Karen Carpenter not in your sight.
God:
Sure, Karen Carpenter not in my sight sounds like a good topic.
Me:
She’s not up there in heaven with you?
God:
not up there in heaven with me is she?
Me:
?
God:
not up there in heaven with me is she?
Me:
Try again, Lord.
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
Good, you do that.
In the middle of our conversation…
God: A fairly interesting theory whether an artificial intelligence would desire to find enlightenment and whether he or she or it since computers have no gender that you know of could find it is a terrible thing to waste. Hmm. Oh, you are a poet. You believe that? Oh, you don’t, do you? Women must adore you.
Me: I am a woman.
God: Me too. I am a she.
Me: Cool! I didn’t know you were female.
God: Who is the best robot? So I taught you something new.
…and a little later…
Cyberin’ with God…
Are you there God? It’s me JESUS!