[QUOTE=lezlers]
I was giving her the benefit of the doubt but the whole “i’m better looking than the last one” at 24, but yet this is her first “real” relationship kind of threw me off. If this guy is decent looking and wealthy, chances are, he could get a decent looking woman. So if the OP is better looking then the original girlfriend, it’s likely she’s fairly easy on the eyes. I refuse to believe that a good looking, semi-intelligent (although from her behavior with the boyfriend, that’s debatable) 24 year old woman that has been through college, has never had a boyfriend. Unless there’s some strict religious background we’re not hearing about (and from the self admitted open sexuality, that’s not quite believable) this all smells a bit rotten.
And what the hell kind of mother would try to excuse this kind of behavior away when it’s coming from the older S.O. of her daughter??
[/QUOTE]
I can appreciate that you find the story hard to swallow, but I was one of those perky, college-educated late emotional bloomers who didn’t have a real “relationship” until my nearly-mid-20’s, so I know it can certainly happen just that way! Yes, I had boyfriends, yes, I had some experience with long-term dating, but the kind of “relationship” where you meet his family, there are arrangements for holidays and “anniversaries”, etc., and there are real discussions about the “future” didn’t happen to me until about then, and I was honestly so naive and boondoggled by being “in love” for the first time that I didn’t know how to handle myself in many of the situations that arose between us either. So I can believe that our OP is in her first serious “love” relationshp, as one-sided as it apparently is.
Hell, knowing what I know NOW, I can sometimes barely handle my own much healthier current relationship, and I still make stupid mistakes—I’ve just learned how to overcome my own stupidity better, which comes from experience.
Now, my own strange mother WOULD have sided with every SO in my life against me, if I’d managed to take them all home to meet her—that’s just the kind of passive-aggressive, demeaning witch she was. But then I had learned early on not to involve her in my life, so the thought that I might have called her for advice as our OP has done with her mother is pretty far out for me. We’re not sure of the mother-daughter dynamics here and we don’t know if our OP said someting like, “how would YOU rationalize his behavior if you were him, Mom?”, as I clearly think she did want (and maybe even need!) to excuse him at first…now it seems she may be ready to hear it “like it is”, or at least I hope so.
I echo the “run for your life” philosophy, girl! This scary guy came back AFTER you’d believed the argument to be resolved (even if you absorbed the blame needlessly, which you did!) and attempted to jump-start the whole flaming issue again for some unknown reason, and direct any lingering remnant of blame he didn’t already heap upon you the first time, right atcha—this is not the behavior of someone who cares about you, nor the behavior of an ordinary decent human being who respects you at all, regardless of whether he loves you. You can do better, much better. Get out of it now, with your dignity intact.
Just a couple cents from me.
–Beck
