I may have mentioned this before but I saw the yearbook picture, so that’s all the documentation I needed at the time to believe the story of the girl named, “Smelda Rottencrotch”.
A lady I worked with some years ago swore that she went to school with a girl by that name. I wouldn’t believe it, so she brought me her yearbook. It looked like an ordinary yearbook, completely unaltered. I guess it’s possible that someone on the yearbook committee snuck a name change in before press time, but dang if she didn’t look like a Smelda. I believe, also that the school was in Texas.
Make of that what you will, but I have no faith in people not to be mean or stupid fuckers, even to their own kids.
On an unrelated note…do you ever find that you ask yourself in circumstances like these why on earth you shared?
In my job I can see 10,000 names a day. I collect them. My two favorites are Velvet Milkshake (who, I found out, is a semi-famous college coach. Women’s Golf I think) and Gloria Hole.
On edit: I don’t claim to know these people, though.
I always remember Crunchy Frog telling us about his classmate, Velvet Beaver.
One of my teachers in high school’s last name was Dickensheets. (She went by Mrs. D.) Her husband’s first name? Hans.
She offered extra credit points if you could come up with a joke about her name she hadn’t heard before.
I also had a classmate whose last name was Buntrock (pronounced BUTT-rock. And yes, he LOOKED like a Buttrock).
And my grandmother’s maiden name was Gerthoffer. She had an aunt whose first name was Gertrude.
So I used to work with Mike Hunt. Yes, he went by Mike and he had (& has) a great sense of humor about it. His rule (and now, mine) is “Laugh with me, cuz its funny. Laugh at me (behind closed doors, etc), you’re a jerk.” Mike, my friend, I hope this doesn’t violate your rule. You’re not the funny one in this story.
Mike and I worked with/ for A Woman. She was in charge of X & Y, except that procedures had changed, and now she was in charge of X, and Mike was in charge of Y.
kdeus: I need some Y for next week. A Woman: Procedures have changed, I only do X now. If you want Y, you’ll have to talk to Mike Hunt. kdeus: OKFINETHANKSBYE [slam phone down to avoid getting fired for saying “Well, can you at least hold the phone lower?”]
I used to work in a medical lab, and saw hundreds of names a day. I don’t claim to have seen any that have been mentioned so far, but there were a few that could arguably top them. Sadly, HIPPA prevents me from sharing.
I knew twins in high school named Peaches and Pumpkin. They were pretty big black guys and talented basketball players especially for a small school. It doesn’t matter if you believe that one or not anymore than it matters if you disbelieve that I am posting this from my brown desk using my Dell computer. It is simply true. I never examined their birth certificates but that those are the names they went by.
I have a very unusual name myself (Maverick) and I predate Top Gun by many years thank you very much.
It may not be QUITE as odd, but remember that Lynyrd Skynyrd got their name from their high school gym teacher: Leonard Skinnerd. At least if you have a nasty name like SKIN-NERD, give your kid a name that doesn’t rhyme.
The very first job I ever had was as a night clerk in the Texas Department of Public Safety Driver License Division, before they automated. In digging around all those manual files, I found a bunch of names that made me laugh out loud.
The ones that stuck in my mind were an individual whose first and middle names were Precious Blue-eyes, and at least 3 people whose legal first name was T9C.
