Remotely sexual? Okay. Intercourse? Not so much. The ‘three date rule’ follows the outdated notion that penis-in-vagina is the be all and end all of sex, sort of like teenagers trying to reach certain ‘bases.’
But what do I know? If my current SO had played by any of these rules, we wouldn’t be together now.
(BTW my first comment in this thread was a general comment with the quoted bit as a starting off point, not all about that one quote.)
In seven hours I may not even know if I like a guy, let alone want to be intimate with him. If I had sex with every guy I’d had more than a date or two with, my legs would be misshapen.
I’m sure no sex early can be an indicator of someone’s general view on sex. I have a healthy sexual appetite, but I’m not just going to sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with me. Once I find a guy I want to have sex with I’ll wear his ass out, but it’s not happening in a few dates.
Having rejected sexual advances I can safely say that women don’t take it well.
Exactly. Though there is a pretty enormous range of “rather longer.”
Fred! Whassup?
I totally agree.
p.s. Who are you and where have you been all my life? By which I mean “great post, dude.”
Because we’re horny.
[Moderator Admonition]Stupid jokes vs. personal insults. Try to guess which one isn’t allowed in IMHO.[/Moderator Admonition]
Was waiting for that, but it was funny! Nothing personal, Santo!
It’s been many years since I did the dating thing. Heck, sometimes I think I got married so I didn’t have to go out on any more dates!
Out of the hundreds of men I’ve gone out on dates with, I can count on the fingers of one hand (all right, both hands) the number of men I was instantly, unmistakeably attracted to. Where I knew in the first hour, yesyesyes, I will I will I will, tonight tonight tonight!..We will label them the ‘Alexanders’. Some of them turned out to be not all that interested in me (not their type, not pretty enough, not educated enough). Some of them turned out to be, well, jerkwads, (self-obsessed, or mean drunks, or mental midgets). Or they were in love with someone else and trying to Move On With Their Lives. Of the few that worked out, yes, we did have sex and/or a relationship, quite soon, with varying results. (Oh, and one of the most thrilling sexual relationships I had was with a gay guy!)
The vast majority that I was NOT unmistakeably attracted to…We will label them the ‘Bobs’…, well, we dated and sometimes it worked out nicely, but most of the time we went our separate ways. Pleasant enough people, but nothing special, and I wasn’t into the pity thing. Nothing wrong with that, dating is looking for a partner. Not to put out to any Tom, Dick, or Harry that takes me to the Olive Garden or a movie.
So the point is, yes, sometimes I wanna have sex right now. But not with you.
Believe it or not, I know. Of all the women that have initiated, I haven’t had a one become a serious girlfriend. Plenty of one night stands and short term flings, but never a serious girlfriend. I’m not against being in a serious relationship with somebody who initiates or whom I had sex with within hours of meeting; it’s just never happened.
Ehh, whatever. I never plan it like that, but the cliche of, “it’s not you, it’s me” is one I like to use here. I mean, I’m not a special or outstanding guy; I’m just a normal dude. So, when I fool around with a gal I’ve just met, I wonder how many other guys she’s done this with. No, it doesn’t stop me, but I fail to see how that’s hypocritical. I was mostly joking with my comment, and partially being a smartass, because I thought you meant something slightly different.
However, if my attitude was the one you basically attributed to me, then yes, I’d be an idiot. Mine is more like, “sweet, she’s a slut! Guess who’s having fun for the next couple months?!” Now, if that fun turns into a relationship, sweet! If not, it’s not really a big deal.
I want to buy you a beer sometime. You laugh a lot. I dig it.
Wow this thread depresses me a little. It seems like there are a lot of people out there with quite a bit of anxieties regarding intimacy.
The other thing I’m wondering is, if you’re not willing to sleep with someone until the beginning of the next sunspot cycle, would you be willing to do other stuff? Usually I’m going down on a woman before I’m actually getting into Tab A into Slot B type stuff. The earlier I can show off my finesse at foreplay, the faster the rest follows.
I myself don’t have a hard and fast rule but I’d say if three weeks went by without anything more than a peck on the cheek I’d be looking elsewhere. If I want to have sex, and the other person is holding me at arm’s length, I’m wasting my time.
Call me a slut/whore/sociopath/whatever but I personally don’t feel restricting who I have sex with makes it necessarily any better. I think a certain percentage of people who hold out ‘for the right one’ are just deluding themselves, and when they brag about how great it is, and how proud of themselves for waiting for Mr/Ms right, they are just doing it to reinforce their decision. It could be awful but if you’ve invested so much, why would you admit it? I don’t have a problem with people who want to take it slow, per se, as some people have given legitimate reasons. But simialrly, its important to be involved with someone that’s on the same page. Sometimes there are crossed wires and one person is left hanging, thinking things are going to progress when they really aren’t on their timetable.
Damn that made me laugh so hard I woke the cat!
I have no problem with people who want to dive right into sex, but I wonder why you seem to have issues with anyone who chooses not to. You assume the people here who choose to wait a bit have anxieties about intimacy when in many cases that just isn’t so. You also say that some people might have legitimate reasons. As opposed to reasons that aren’t legitimate? In whose book? Yours? The judgmental tone of your post clearly indicates that you have a certain amount of negative feelings toward people who see this differently than you do in regards to intimacy. Is it really so hard for you to wrap your mind around the idea that some people don’t want to sleep with everyone they have a few dates with?
Of course it’s important to be involved with someone on the same page. That’s a no brainer. Of course it’s important to communicate so that both parties are aware of how things are progressing. It’s odd to me is the assumption that some seem to have that if someone chooses to wait that it’s just a peck on the cheek or sitting on the porch drinking lemonade. Is physicality really all or nothing or is it just simple people making things a little too simple? Of course there can be making out in varying degrees, it’s just plain silly to assume no sex means no touching at all. Life doesn’t have to be the Brady Bunch or a porno, there’s a lot in between.
I’ve been dating since I’ve been 16 years old. I’ve had several semi-long term relationships, but I’ve also been on a lot of dates with a lot of different guys. Intimacy/sex isn’t a problem for me, but I’m rather picky who I share it with. I also don’t have the “it has to be love” requirement. Sex with someone I love is great, but so is sex with someone I don’t. Right now I don’t want a relationship. Fuckbuddy is where my attitude is at, and that isn’t always easy to find.
Everyone has their own requirements and ideas, to assume there’s something wrong with someone who doesn’t share your opinions is a pretty narrow way to look at any situation.
Absolutely agreed. For me, intercourse can wait almost indefinitely. (It’s not my favorite activity anyway.) But if we go for six months without so much as hug while you’re still trying to decide whether or not you like me, then I’m going to assume that don’t, and I’m moving on.
Actually, the acid test for me is the boobie test. If, at the end of date 3, if you haven’t invited me to grope your boobies, then I’m wasting my time.
I’m glad that somebody got that! 
Really? I truly hope that works out for you, and I hope that you meet enough guys that are persistant enough for you to find out. But for me, if I’ve spent seven hours with a woman, and I still don’t get a clear indication of whether or not she’s into me, then I’ve wasted about 6.5 hours of my life.
And like I’ve said before, the seven hour rule is not really a rule with me, but I’ve found it to be consistantly true.
IME going with what is comfortable to both, is best. HOWEVER, if a person (be it the man or the woman), has a specific guideline or rule about sex while dating, I think by the third date it is warranted to drop those rules on your “could be” partner. Otherwise, you are basically imposing a silent dictatorial mandate on the other person (unbeknownst to them). It is like saying “I imagine you want to have sex at some point, but I don’t, and I honestly don’t care enough to even make you aware of it”.
Example: If your intention is to avoid sex until marriage, I think you should drop that on your date, sooner than later. Finding out by the (say) 10th date that you have a pledge to abstain from sex until marriage, is a little late. For me, it wouldn’t only be an issue of “getting laid”, it would also be a red flag (IMO) of “this girl has some issues”, since I think that it is moronic to find out on your wedding night if you are sexually compatible with your (now) spouse.
I don’t judge people for sleeping with someone on the first date, nor for holding off until later. It all depends on the dynamics of every individual couple. Personally, I am a little concerned with someone who puts that much thought into “giving it up”, as if it were a penalty for them or prize for me. Its sex and that is all. IMO I would rather find out sooner than later if we are sexually compatible, rather than go for three weeks with someone who, once in the sack, doesn’t do it for me.
Just my two cents.
YOU’RE depressed?
Imagine how I felt!
I’ve heard people talk about ‘sexual compatibility’, but nobody’s ever said what that actually is. Somebody want to explain to me?
Well, if you can’t get off unless your partner/victim is tied up and covered in hot wax drippings, you are probably not sexually compatible with, say, a nun.
Or, if you can only get it up in the morning and she’s only horny at night. Stuff like that.
How about if you’re a Wolf by Night and she’s a Hawk by Day?
Depends on the nun.
I think that the term “sexually incompatible” has one meaning and one meaning only – she doesn’t give head.
Let’s not sugar-coat it.