Try to look at if from a point of view other than you thinking she thinks you “expect” something - perhaps instead of making it all about YOU, consider she’s thinking she’s being sharing, grateful, generous, kind, a good friend, etc…
Great idea.
Beyond that, I’d say not to get too fussed or insulted. If your friendship is really that strong and you know each other that well, surely your relationship should be able to withstand the occasional difference of opinion about how to handle this kind of situation. Look at it this way, both of you are trying to do what you think is nice for the other person; you just have a different view of what’s the best way to be be nice. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
Accept the 50 and say “Thanks, Glad I could help”. Between the two of you, joint effort, you made a killing to share.
I do some private coaching.
I don’t have a car.
When I needed to visit a hospital recently, one of my students offered to drive me. (I didn’t ask them to.)
Rather than offer them money, I’m going to express my gratitude with a couple of free lessons for them.
That way I hope they won’t feel embarrassed and we both show our respect and generosity.
Agreed. In this case I think taking the money will make her happy. I can’t read her mind, but that’s what I think. If that is the case, I’d say thank you, take it, and wouldn’t take offense.
It already is.
I’m currently using a home which belongs to a childhood friend. His last renters had left it a-shambles: electricity off, water off, filthy… We set a price and agreed that most of the payment would actually be “in trade”; heck, he may end up paying me 
He hates looking for furniture and appliances: I enjoy it. He’s “back home” and in the middle of wrapping up a Degree in Psychology; I needed a place in this area. His flat is convenient and I have freedom to do whatever I want with it.
So far I’ve paid a month and a half in the form of finding someone to take away the pile of trash, including two beds in awkward sizes and their ancient matresses; replacement matresses would cost more than the two replacement beds (also part of the month and a half). The repairment have already been in to open the unopenable washing machine and see what parts they needed for that and the a/c.
Neither Luis nor I will be getting rich off the exchange, but we both win. And sometimes being able to say that you didn’t take advantage of your friend is part of what keeps a friendship healthy. It makes him feel better to have set a below-market price and accept payment in trade; it makes me feel better to coordinate the changes with him and if my work’s worth is less than that below-market rental, pay the difference (mind you, it might end up being in the form of going out to lunch to the restaurant that’s got the best desserts in town; I know Luis could kill for their chocolate-on-chocolate cup).
I wonder if the OP would feel as insulted if she treated her/him to a $50 dinner without the suggestion. We treat money gifts as different from thing gifts some time. And I think this was a thank you gift, not a commission. She never thought the OP expected the money, which would make it a business transaction not a personal one.
I don’t think suggesting she spend it on a dinner is a good idea, because that is kind of telling her what to do with her money. Taking it and treating her to dinner is a return gift, and much better. The result is the same, of course.
I’m the type of person that likes doing for others, and don’t want or expect anything in return. Makes me feel good.
(yeah, I know same as her wanting to show appreciation… I understand )
Dinner,lunch etc., not going to happen. I’m a married guy and that wouldn’t be right.
Her birthday is coming up, so I’ll do something in that way.
This makes my head want to explode with irony.
Buying someone a birthday gift (that you’ve already helped sell a bike for) seems a LOT more intimate than just having an innocent lunch.
You sure you’re not crushing on this lady?
It would be a gift certificate. And, no not crushing. She’s going through a hard time with an eating disorder. Just trying to help.
Plus, I don’t think she has a lot of money. I like helping in that way too.
Wow. I’m having lunches and dinners with a zillion friends this week, as next week I’m moving away so I have lots of goodbye get-togethers on my calendar. Most of my one-on-one social engagements have been with women (as my user name suggests, I’m female), but two have been with old friends who happen to be male. Likewise, my husband has female friends he chats with and has lunch or dinner with. In fact not too long ago he stayed overnight at one out-of-town female friend’s house, as he had an early morning meeting (to network for a future employment possibility, so nothing that his current employer would put him up in a hotel for) before rushing off to the airport to come home.
This is all entirely out in the open - my husband and I chat about the conversations/meals we had, and don’t think twice about it.
YMMV and obviously does, but I have to echo Grr!'s question and wonder if you might be crushing a little. That’s the only circumstance I can think of where a shared meal between friends “wouldn’t be right.”
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Maybe I’m reading too much into your posts, but I sounds to me like you’re more interested in being this lady’s “savior” rather than just being friends. Why can’t you just accept the fifty dollars and be pleased with yourself that you did a good thing?
No need for this passive agressibe nonsense about giving it back to her under the guise of a birthday gift.
Grrr, I see what you’re saying. And the savior part might be somewhat true. (on a side note to that, my sister had an eating disorder, alcoholism and passed away at 39.) So you’re not wrong.
Plus, I actually don’t like money. It does not make me happy having it. She needs it more than I do. I’d be fine with a $10 gift card to Dunkin Donuts.
I hope some of what I type is somewhat understandable. You all have some good points for sure, just explaining myself a little more.
But there’s a big difference between not expecting to be repaid in some way and being unhappy that you’re being repaid in some way. My advice is to just be gracious and accept the gift.
Imagine if you had offered to help her advertise the bike and she responded in a similar way, as though accepting your assistance was an insult to her. Quite simply, now the shoe is on the other foot.
Send it to me. The friend gets to feel happy she gave you a gift, you’re happy not to have the money, I’m happy to have gotten $50. Everyone’s a winner.
It’s fundamentally wrong for you to give with the expectation that it be graciously received as it was well intentioned, and yet refuse to receive graciously in turn.
How will you feel when she refuses any assistance in future, or is offended by the offer of such, having taken her clue from your behaviour?
It’s not a gold watch, it’s a small amount of money that will make her feel good, the way your helping her, made you feel good. Why is it okay for you to feel the joy of giving but not her?
If it really is a money thing, then refuse the cash and offer up something you’d rather, such as a homemade dinner, or brownies, gardening advice, or whatever you think she could offer, that’s NOT cash.
But I truly believe there is value in learning to receive as graciously as we expect others to when we are the giver.
I don’t doubt that you have good intentions. I just hope you realize some people really don’t feel comfortable feeling indebted to others. And this could be especially true WRT a woman feeling indebted to a man for obvious reasons.
So I hope you consider that before giving a birthday gift to your friend. You may be making things uncomfortable for her despite your good intentions.
Humans are social creatures. Your friend is super happy about the windfall and wants to share it with you. Maybe she understands that you don’t expect anything, but doesn’t know you well enough yet to know that you’re already sharing her happiness.
Don’t rain on her parade. Take the money with a smile. Next time you go out to eat, intercept the check, pull out a fifty-dollar bill and say, “Nuh uh. This one is on you.”
I don’t understand the OP or his perceived predicament at all. He helped a friend get more than three times as much for a bike. She wants to show her gratitude by sharing a small portion. Let her. In his shoes, I wouldn’t necessarily expect any money, but I wouldn’t be offended by a demonstration of gratitude. In her shoes, you bet I would offer part of the windfall to him, or something else nice. I certainly don’t understand being offended by a display of gratitude.
As for “Plus, I actually don’t like money. It does not make me happy having it.”. What planet does the OP live on?