I got a Valentine from a 72 year old lesbian

For me, this is a first.

It says, “Valentine- There are many ways you share your love…A smile, a kiss, a touch…” Inside, “For all you are and say and do…I love you very much.” Then, “I’m thinking of you always, love, XXXX. (signed) -----”

Argh. This is a woman I have painted for; she has a large condo. Despite the fact that I make much of the fact I have a male SO, I have rebuffed her advances quite strongly (I mean, she grabbed me and tried to french kiss me for God’s sake), I have refused gifts, and the last time I went there (which WILL be the last time), I took a very large butch employee of mine for protection…she persists. She has told me she’s driven past my house to see if I’m home. She calls me and leaves messages offering to take me out to dinner or for icecream. (really.)

Good lord. This woman is very well-off and has a large circle of friends & family in the city. She’s not a lonely old lady. At first I wasn’t sure if she wasn’t just a friendly, touchy kind of person, but after the attempted french kiss thing, well…If it was a man, I would have no problem making myself fairly clear. But she’s really a nice old lady, she has just developed this weird thing for me. I do a lot of painting in her building (A high rise luxury condo building) so I can’t help but run into her. I’m not going to turn down lucrative work for people I like because of some addled old stalker.

I’m a bit confused by this, and feel sort of sorry for her. I’ll just continue to try avoiding her, I’ll wear extra baggy clothes when I work in her building. And I’ll continue to take Big Deb (who finds this really amusing) for protection.

Ok, I guess this is a mindless petty thing I’m sharing!

I hope I got that much verve when I’m 72!

But the though of being french kissed by 72 yr old has momentarily put me off my feed.

A stalker is a stalker, IMO; still, the fact that it’s a 72 year old woman at least means the range of bad things that might happen is considerably less than if it was a 30 year old man.

IOW, I expect that defending yourself is mostly a problem inasmuch as you’re worried about hurting her in the process of fending her off. But since you might yet have to, my suggestion is a certified letter to her (a) telling her to cease her attentions, (b) explaining that if she doesn’t, your next step will be to seek a restraining order, and © cc’ing your lawyer if you’ve got one.

This way, if anything untoward should happen (e.g. when Big Deb’s in the ladies’, your admirer puts the moves on you again, and when you push her away, she falls, breaks a leg, and charges you with assault), you’ve not only got Deb’s testimony on your side, but you’ve got evidence that you warned her to stay away.

Also, just in case you wind up needing that restraining order, it’s time to start logging all incidents (approxiamte time, date, place, and nature of sexual or romantic advances, drive-bys, phone messages, etc.) as they happen, and try to do the same for those that have already occurred. And keep the valentine and other correspondence in a file folder.

Hopefully, this will go away by itself, after she gets your certified letter: she’ll get the message, so to speak, and leave you alone. But if she persists, you’re prepared.