She brought up marriage on date 2 and it kind of turned me off
She brought up marriage on date 2 and it kind of turned me off
I don’t know your age, but as people get older they tend to get the ‘important questions’ out of the way much sooner. When you’re dating in your teens, you’re not even thinking about marriage (at least not in the first few dates). In your 30’s, it’s probably in the back of your mind and will come up eventually. Get to your 40’s or 50’s, well, if you want to get married and you want it to happen soon, you probably want to date someone with the same mindset. No one is saying that by answering ‘yeah, I’d like to get (re)married someday’ means you have to get married in the next year, but if she wants to get married, she doesn’t want to spend months dating a guy who has no interest in getting married.
In short, if it turns you off, that’s entirely your prerogative and totally allowed, however, if your over 40 (and probably moreso if your over 50), expect women to ask about how you feel about marriage within the first few dates. Honestly, just a simple ‘I haven’t give it a ton of thought, but I wouldn’t mind getting (re)married someday’ is really all they’re looking for. They just want to make sure they’re not dating someone that’s never, ever going to be interested in getting married (or maybe they’re not interested in getting married and they want to make sure you’re not going to propose in 6 months).
Whatever you do, don’t lie about it. If you’re never, ever ever going to get married, don’t say what I said above, if you want it with all your heart, don’t agree with her about her marriage is stupid just so you can get a second date hoping you’ll change her mind someday.
TLDR, the first couple of dates are about getting to know each other, you need to go deeper than favorite movies and how many times you’ve been to Mexico.
RUN for the hills!
Do you mean paying for the whole date as opposed to splitting the bill? (Just checking in case you meant Dutch treat.) I’ve always paid from the first date, as I was the one inviting them out. After a few dates, it often goes Dutch, but with my wife, I’ve pretty much always paid for it (she was a Ph. D. student at the time. She out earns me by a good bit now, though, so it was a wise investment. 
I’m bring a bit facetious, of course.)
Yeah, this. If y’all are older, she’s probably seeing if you are the type who wants to get married. If you aren’t, she doesn’t want to waste her time. Of course that depends on what exactly she said.
I haven’t had a good year financially so to hear marriage makes me nauseous since I am building my finances back up and get out of debt.
So… how old are you? (and how old is she)
Or the opposite, but, as I mentioned, the older you are (IME), the less important small talk is and the more important ‘big talk is’. She’ll be happy to find out if you have any tattoos or if you’ve ever thought about just going ahead and shaving your head, but right now, she’d much rather just see if you have the same life goals. Or at least if your the two of your are heading in semi convergent paths. If she’d sorta kinda like to get married someday, maybe and you’ve been thrice divorced and think the whole institution of marriage is a sham, well, she’ll probably just move on.
Again, if you’re over 50ish, expect the ‘what are your thoughts on marriage’ question (as well as other ‘heavy’ questions) to come up within the first few dates.
I’m in my mid-30’s and have had the marriage and kids discussion on first dates. It’s fine, get it out of the way, make sure you’re heading in the same direction. If I’m looking for a wife and she’s looking to add male sub to her domestic partnership…I’d rather know it now, just like if I want a second kid and she thinks they’re gross and can’t believe she missed that I have one in my profile, again, great, lets finish off the date and go our separate ways.
If you’re going to freak out when it comes up, maybe you should consider joining a monastery. Either that or put something in your profile that says your not looking to get married right now, it seems clear to me you’re not looking for any kind of commitment at the moment, be up front, plenty of females aren’t either. Be honest, there’s someone out there looking for your but if you put a bunch of bullshit in your profile she can’t find you.
As it turns out, and I learned this from experience (divorced with an ex that cost me a lot), it isn’t marriage that costs money, it’s shitty communication.
What exactly did she say?
If you keep coming up with excuses to put off dating and marriage you’ll never get married. If this one wants to get married I suggest you do it as soon as possible. Maybe next weekend.
So do you see yourself getting married at some point?
Been there done that. I’m enjoying some me time these days.
So, how old are you two and what exactly did she say about marriage?
late 30’s and she wanted to know if marriage if the goal.
So… Perfectly normal. Is marriage a potential goal for you?
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Yes but not anytime soon. My friend is getting married and she said it’s going to cost $26,000 which is Nuts.
Marriage generally costs a whole lot more than that over the long haul (and then some even if you get divorced) but I think you are referring to just a wedding. Those don’t need to cost much of anything. Just pick your favorite Justice of the Peace or Las Vegas drive-through love chapel and you will have a marriage that is exactly as legal as anyone else’s for figures in the low double digits to around a thousand if you want to splurge on the Elvis impersonator and mid-shelf bottle of champagne.
You can get married in a park on a lovely summer day almost free if you have the right combination of friends and family. That is only a few hours of the first day of a marriage however. Your real concern should be the expectations for the next few decades.
Did you tell her that? At this point in life fuck the games the youngins play. If she wants to get married by the end of the year and you want to wait several years it’s best for both of you to know that. You both can move on to people who are more suited to what you each want.
You’ll resent being forced to get married before you want to, which is what happened to me, and she’ll resent that she has to wait for so long. So it’s best to be honest with each other and so you can find the people that are aligned with your life goals.
Which is fucking ridiculous. Like Shag mentioned it doesn’t have to be that expensive and is a complete waste of money especially when you’re both in your late 30s.
My ex and I decided we would rather have the money for a down payment on a house than to waste it on the wedding. So we spent about $4000. Had the service in a church and then the reception at a park by the ocean with tons of BBQ* everything and sides and picnic type food and then we had a little area that we rented for the dancing.
*Several people that are killer good at BBQ we asked them to BBQ for us instead of getting a present.
Screw money… answer the question. You said “Yes, but…” and that’s still yes.
Cars cost 26,000 (sometimes more). If you needed one to get to work, want to guess what you’d do? Sometimes both people have to work to foot the bills & sometimes marriages happen at the town hall with a small reception in an apartment after with trays of food and a keg of beer.
Now… all that begs the question. Is she the right girl?
(Hint: That’s the Right question)
I don’t think so which is why I never called back after the date on friday.