Okay, before anyone asks, I am male and the roommate is female, so it’s not like this is setting off any orientation issues or anything like that. My roommate (one of many; we live in a sort-of boarding house, with mostly men) is in her early 20s, (I’m 29) pretty, intelligent, and totally naive about men and sex. How do I know this? Well, because she told me she is a virgin and waiting for marriage. She also tends to try to keep most men at arms length, with that attitude many naive-about-the-opposite-sex women have, that all forms of male interaction are just preludes to seduction.
I’ll admit I’ve lusted after her in the past. I didn’t sit around lusting after her because she is a virgin. I lusted after her simply because she is, well, pretty and intelligent. She is an attractive woman, and she’s only a virgin because she chooses to be. I think she’s slightly sensitive about the topic. We’ve discussed religion, and I think she eventually figured out that we are in very different worlds on the subject. She invited me to her church, but I told her I just don’t feel a need to go to church again for the rest of my life, and I meant it.
But I’ve never had a dream like this about a woman who is just a friend before. It wasn’t terribly raunchy; I basically just dreamt she lay down next to me, I put my arm around her and pulled her close, and we kissed. Then I woke up.
Clearly, I need to get laid in general. And clearly, I am attracted to my roommate. Are there any other guys out there who found themselves in similar situations? How did you resolve it without embarrassing the roommate or yourself? I wish I could just go find a girlfriend, and I’m working on that, but for a number of reasons it’s hard for me to have a social life right now. My roommate is right there, and I know her in ways I rarely know any woman. It’s kinda tough to forget her.
There is nothing wrong or unusual about having an erotic dream about a woman you are attracted to and is close to you. I am married and have served closely with women that I am attracted to. I may dream about them, because it is natural to do so. I wouldn’t do anything with them.
Just keep in mind that you are intelligent (you are a member of the SDMB, after all), you are mature (you are 29 and seem to be mature), and you can keep you feelings about her at an appropriate level. Also, you can have any woman in the world you want if you have an active imagination and a bottle of hand cream.
What are you trying to resolve? the fact that you’er friends? Are you trying to work on on how you should approach the fact that you had an erotic dream about her? If you want to remain friends with her I would say that this is something you should keep to yourself and the internet.
However if she approaches you and says “I have something to tell you. I had an erotic dream about you the other night.” Then it should be okay to tell her about yours. Your odds on that happening may not be good.
Heh, I’m probably 90% straight, and female, and I commonly dream that I’m a man in my sex dreams. I’ve stopped putting a lot of thought into what sex dreams MEAN, because honestly, who really knows? Seriously, I wouldn’t tell her about it if you think there’s a chance it might make her uncomfortable. Would you still be so attracted to her if she wasn’t in such close proximity all the time?
I don’t think you should worry about it. I’ve found that sometimes this kind of dream just represents feeling emotionally close to that person, and really has nothing to do with sex itself. Maybe you should ask yourself if you are beginning to bond emotionally with her, and if so, maybe you should ask her out on a date?
Well I’m glad you included the qualifier. I was sooooooo worried . Dreams are dreams. If I believed everyone I had I would be the king of the world. It was only a dream . Relax. It will go away, away , away . When you get a little older (dread the thought ) your mind will direct your dreams alot better. It bit of undigested roast beef I’m sure. Where have I hear that before?
Well, male interactions that are not preludes to seduction are those interactions that are not preludes to seduction. Perhaps an example will illustrate her narrow view of male-female relationships a bit: When she first moved in here, I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk, which I do routinely for exercise. We went, and everything was cool. Not so much later, a fellow roommate mentioned in passing to her I had a girlfriend. She was always “too busy” to ever go walking again. (And no, she was no busier than she’d ever been.) In fact, her whole attitude towards me changed. I am familiar with her background (from a small, hick town, attended a small, conservative college, never lived far from home) and I am basing my assessement on that and by contrasting it with the attitudes towards men I have seen in other much more travelled and world-wise women.
As for Harry Burns, he is a character in a movie. A fictional comedy, in fact, not a piece of serious social science. Frankly, I get really tired of the thoughtless stereotyping of male behavior I see everywhere in pop culture. Yeah, I’m a man, and I DO care about more than beer, football, and sex.
Hey, you know those nice sexually naive saving-it-until-marriage religious girls? If they were in a position where a average girl would ask a guy out on a date, where do you suppose they’d think take him in their guileless innocence?
Why dont you ask her out? Although like 1010011010 said, the church invitation was probably your chance. If she’s that religious and religion is not your thing, maybe you should just spank the monkey and resume the search.
You guys don’t get it. Of course she may have had an ulterior motive in inviting me to her church. Of course I “picked up on it.” The point is that our views on religion are divergent, thus making it a dealbreaker. I’m not interested in waiting until marriage to sleep with her. I’m not interested in pretending to be religious to date her. It took me the first 30 years of my life to unlearn everything I thought I knew about organized religion. I have no interest in replaying the past, not for any woman.
If that what it would take to be with her, (and I satisfied myself that it would) then I’ll pass, thanks. But that doesn’t mean I stopped being attracted to her.
I still don’t see your dilemma here, but let me ask you this: How would you feel if she started seeing someone from her church? Furthermore, what if you couldn’t stand the guy?
Dreams can be interesting insights into your unconscious mind but it is often difficult to ascertain what, exactly, you’re looking at.
Other people in dreams can sometimes represent aspects of our own personality. My husband had a vivid dream involving a baby and it clearly represented our band (his baby) and the passion and energy we were putting into helping it grow.
Having an erotic dream about someone to whom you’re attracted can be nothing more than an unconscious expression of that attraction. Or the object of your affection may represent some aspect of your personality. One with which you desire a closer connection.
If she represents innocence and naivete’ maybe there’s an innocence in you that’s disappearing as you get older and you wish to get closer to it again.
I know that sounds like psycho-babble and maybe it is.
I guess my point is don’t worry too much about it. You’ve said that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with this girl because of her religious beliefs. That’s all you really need to worry about.
Like others have said, don’t read too much into it. I’ve had dreams about screwing virtually everything from family members to a cat (yes, a cat) and I’m not even that kinky IRL.
I don’t have erotic dreams very often (AFAIK, anyway; I don’t tend to remember my dreams most of the time), but often when it’s happened, my waking reaction has been, “WTF was I doing, dreaming like that about her??” because it’ll be someone I don’t know well, who I don’t find particularly attractive IRL. Sometimes dreams are just random numbers.