Let me preface this by saying that I am terrible at waking up. Takes me about an hour. By the time I’m ready to go out the door, I’m fine, but up until then, about the only thing I’m fit for is a George Romero movie.
To set the scene, I wake up at my usual time of 6:00 am. I stumble downstairs and feed the cats, then proceed to feed myself. Today’s menu is Honey Nut Cheerios. I pour a bowl and add milk from a freshly opened bag. The first spoonful goes into the wrong pipe, leading to a small coughing fit. As I’m a smoker, there’s an attendant bit of phlegm to deal with. I’m left with a sour taste in my mouth, which I attribute to the phlegm.
I continue eating, and vaguely notice that the sour taste hasn’t left my mouth by the end of the bowl. Hmmmmm. Honey Nut Cheerios are deliciously sweet, I think to myself. Surely they should have taken the sour taste out of my mouth. Lights begin to go on. I take a sniff of the milk, and sure enough, it’s gone sour. Badly sour. I begin to pour the milk down the drain. It’s chunky.
So far I’ve only had some slight cramping. No vomiting, and only one BM. Can I expect worse? Mad Farting Cow Disease? Anyone ever done this before, assuming you’ve been dull-witted enough to actually consume an entire bowlful of rancid milk?
…am i going to die…