I hate evangelical nutbars (political)

So my aunt Laura, who is voting for Obama in South Carolina, got yet another crazy anti-Obama e-mail, this time about Rezko and his house. She responded to the entire forward list with why she is voting for Obama, and forwarded the original e-mail, and her response, to me. I’m sure this was a mistake, as she probably did not expect me to respond to a bunch of strangers, but I did–simply with a link to Snopes and an admonition to check that and factcheck.org before forwarding any e-mails. Nothing huge. But then this jackass responds to my aunt’s original point…

Oh, for the love of…oh wait, He’s on that guy’s side. Nevermind. Anyway, I was very polite–simply responded to ALL again (just like he did) with the Snopes link about how Obama is not a Muslim. But please, for the love of…shit, there I went and did it again. Please, help me flame him here so I don’t flame him there!

As an evangelical nutbar, I apologize- both for his rant and his grammar.

Note to that EN- It’s kinda self-defeating to growl & then question whether someone else is animal or human.

You want us to help you flame the village idiot of your mom’s forward list?

Nope, not gonna do it.

Where I come from we don’t attack the special needs kids. Now if two of them get to fighting we might watch, but we don’t get involved much beyond that.

Dear EN,

Thank you for your email. It is nice to see the progress you are making as many of your words are spelled correctly. I waved as I saw your distinctive short bus drive by today. I’m glad the transportation company takes care once a week to remove the drool from beneath the windows.

It’s nice to see you wearing your medals from the Special Olympics. Did you know they are easier to get on and off if you remove your football helmet? I suspect your mother is happy to have Sara Palin running for office. Mother who have children after 40 share a special bond.

God Bless,

Uncle Dan

You’re an evangelical. You’re not a nutbar. There’s a fine line, but it’s there.

I think you did the best you could by providing the Snopes link. That is a factual error that you can correct without engaging the person in a debate on his beliefs, which you will not change. If he thinks Obama is going to bring about the Rapture, or that America as a nation will be punished by God for allowing abortion, what could you possibly write to change his mind? If you feel the need to say anything, stick to the empirical, provable data. Beyond that, hope his car breaks down so he can’t make it to the polls on November 4.

I’ve asked this before but have yet to get an answer: if someone puts five question marks at the end of a question, is it more of a question than if they put one question mark???

No, you’re simply questioning a question that questions a question’s question.


See, an Obama vote brings you closer to Jesus.

This is a no-brainer, in more than one sense.

Heh. Seriously, though, there seems to be a Chicago Manual of Nutbar Style out there somewhere, and it drives me potty, because I’m absolutely certain these features were never actually taught anywhere:

  1. Multiple punctuation marks at the end of questions or exclamations

  2. Ellipses (or something like them)…used to connect sentences rather than indicate omitted text

  3. Omission of paragraph breaks

  4. Random capitalizations of Words that are Not proper names or titles

  5. (parenthetical statements marooned outside of sentences)

My mother, who always wrote her letters in perfect formal English, for some reason began doing most of these things as soon as she switched to E-mail. I’ll be the first to admit that I make mistakes in grammar and puncuation here and there, but where does this style come from?

Personnally, I blame the Liberals.

To expand on his answer: Once you have more than one question mark, they become indistinguishable from exclamation points.

Homer Simpson voice Evangelical nutbars…mmmmm!


I always thought of them* as* exclamation points. Embarrassed, cowering, huddled over exclamation points.

While it’s really tempting to get into it with this fuckwit, I try to follow the advice I saw here on the Dope once: Don’t stick your hand in the crazy.

I got into a similar email shouting match with a religious nutjob relative this weekend. She also brought up the “I am pro-life, Barack Obama is a Muslim, all Muslims want to kill Christians” retort when I called her on spreading stupid lies with an email. She also brought up the “see by the fruit” thing.

This is part of what I replied to her:

Oddly enough, my grandmother - who is the absolute most religious person I know (she’s Mennonite) - responded to one of my “reply all” emails this morning and told me she agreed with me. The mud-slinging is extremely un-Christianlike and she does not want to hear it anymore. I said to myself “that’s the difference between a real Christian and a religious nutjob.”

Email the jackass on Inauguration Day.

“Seen Jesus yet?”

Next day:

“How about now?”

Next day:

“Okay, how about now?”

Next day:

“Any time now.”

Next day:

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany time.”

Repeat ad hilariusum.

So you’re saying I can be evangelical, or a nutbar, but not both?

I’ll have to give that some consideration and get back to you.

My predisposition would be nutbar, but most people will agree I have a natural talent for that. So evangelical would be more of a stretch and challenge me to improve myself.

Lemmee sleep on it.

Excellent post (and email), ZipperJJ; I concur wholeheartedly with your grandmother’s opinion. As a small token of my gratitude for sharing that with us, I’d like to present you with a useful pair of facts which may come in handy for you at some future time:

“Council” is a noun, e.g., City Council.

“Counsel” is a verb, e.g., counselling center.

I got chain emailed proof that Obama was not a patriot, complete with Scopes link.

It was because he replaced the American flag on his jet plane tail fin with his logo.

Sometimes the nutjobs can find ways to get Snopes to support them.