I’m at the stage right now when I think that nobody will ever love me and I am going to die alone, childless. 
I saw Dave yesterday (had to pick up more clothes), he’s absolutely devastated right now, too, but we both agree that I deserve a chance to find what I need somewhere else because he can’t provide it.
Everyone has those feelings after a break up. Perfectly normal. Just try to remember that even though the relationship failed, that doesn’t make you a failure. I know so many fantastic people who’ve gone through crappy relationships. And they were all ultimately grateful for the crappy relationship because it helped them realize was a good relationship felt like in comparison.
So give yourself a break and allow yourself some time to grieve.
Definitely keep repeating that to yourself. It’s not your fault - lord knows even when you’re the one to initiate the breakup and you know it’s right and you have little to no emotional feelings for the other person that you STILL feel like a failure yourself. You’re not.
I have a hunch that she is probably interested in moving in together, and taking steps towards marriage. Just a feeling.
There comes a point in a relationship where you start building your life around it, and that does take sacrifices. Even in the freest of relationships, you miss out on stuff. Your social life inevitably shrinks, you have fewer adventures, and more importantly you don’t make or you don’t even consider major life changes. That trip around the world? The expensive grad school? Joining the Peace Corps? Moving to NYC on a whim? If you are in a long-term relationship, these things become so difficult that honestly they may not occur to you as options. There are thing- things you don’t know about and that she may not even fully realize- that your girlfriend is giving up to be with you.
When you reach that point, where it’s more than “Bob and I are enjoying each other’s company when we happen to be around,” you need to know that you are not making these investments in something that is not going to add up to anything. And it’s only fair to let her know what you are picturing in the future, so that she has full information with which to picture her own future.
It may seem baffling that women seem to want to settle down so quickly and ask yourself “what’s the rush,” but the reality is that if women want to have a family, they really do have some time constraints, and if they are going down paths that are not building up towards that, they are cutting themselves off from other paths that might. That’s just a reality.
Totally, completely natural to feel that way, although it’s a bit ironic since your chances of dying childless (if not necessarily alone) are way lower now than they were when you were stuck in a relationship with Mr. Can’t-Commit.
You’re doing great, just keep getting through the next couple of weeks. Short-term thinking is the way to go right now.
I was in kind of a similar situation at about the same age - I had dated a guy for three years that I had no future with, then we broke up and I met my husband (married for almost nine years now). You’re in a better position than you realize; you’ve made a decision that sounds like the right one, and now you just need to move on with your life, heal, and go find the guy who does want to settle down and raise a family with you. Simplest thing in the world, right? 
(Just trying to cheer you up a little.)
Hi all who’s interested in what happened after I last wrote in this thread… I didn’t go back. 
I’m renting a room (with my own bathroom) while searching for a place of my own (Sydney property market is absolutely insane right now). A lot of my stuff is still over at Dave’s which makes it a bit hard to move on… Still heartbroken and trying hard not to get depressed. My stressful job, while distracting me from the personal drama, adds quite a bit of pressure, too - I’m not allowed to take any time off till he end of the financial year (July 1). I try to meet up with friends when I can but I still get an impulse to call Dave a lot… I’m actually trying not to call him right now, feeling so sad and lonely. 
Any advice maybe? Does time really heal? will it ever get easier?
It does get easier. In my experience, and take or leave this advice, time doesn’t necessarily heal a wound but it dulls the pain.
But you have to cut yourself off from him, or you’re just drawing it out which is a) very painful and b) delaying the healing & recovery process.
Having your stuff at his place is a red flag. It gives you a reason/excuse to call him. Don’t they have rental self-storage there? Get your stuff from his place so you don’t have a reason/excuse to see & talk with him. When you go get the stuff, take someone with you and keep it businesslike and as brief as you can. Either go when he isn’t there, or ask him to just unlock the door and take himself off for a while. You say you can’t take time off now, but this is worth cutting your sleep short one or two nights to get done.
Keep yourself busy. Go to the movies, take walks in that nice botanical garden you have downtown and read all the plant labels, walk through Chinatown and explore all the odd shops, go to one of the museums, borrow books from the library. After a while time will pass and the pain will feel more remote even though now it might feel like it never will. I’ve been where you are, and it was not fun, and that was the best advice I got.
In a nutshell: remove excuses to see or talk to him, delete his number from your cell phone, and keep yourself busy. It does get easier.
It does, I can personally attest to that. Just . . . don’t call him. Don’t answer him if he tries to contact you. It’s HARD, I know, but it’s for the best in the long run.
Honestly I think you’re doing great. Like I said, I had to move halfway across the world before I could finally sever ties with my own noncommittal ex. Just try to keep as busy as possible. At the moment probably everything you see in the street reminds you of him, but trust me, it passes.
It will pass. It’ll take time, you might backslide a few times, but it will pass.
Check out meetup.com, okcupid or plentyoffish. The latter two are dating sites, but I’ve met some good friends through there. And if nothing else, getting out to meet someone for coffee will help take your mind off Dave. Who cares if it doesn’t lead to anything more? You’re meeting other people, you’re getting out, you’re getting things done.
Look after yourself for a while.
Thank you, you are such a wonderful bunch of people. I am trying to keep busy - going to a cooking class on Sunday, to a book club (from meetup) on Tuesday, generally read a lot etc. It’s been a bit cold and miserable here for a while to go to the botanical garden and it’s dark when I finish work but there’s still plenty of stuff to do… You are right, I start feeling worse immediately when I let myself think that it would be alright to see Dave or spend any time with him - one way or another I end up miserable, whether I actually see him or not. My stuff at his place is not an excuse for seeing him as I’ve got all the essentials I need in my day to day life
HazelNutCofee, thanks - it helps a lot that he’s not trying to get me back with false promises. He wants to talk to me and he tells me that he misses me like crazy but he’s not saying that he’ll change and will make it all work and all that stuff. I wouldn’t believe him anyway but it would be hard for me to resist the temptation of going back if he really really asked me to…
Sierra Indigo, thanks so much for telling me about okcupid. I installed their iPhone app and it’s a lot of fun. I wrote in my profile that I’ll be happy to be friends and maybe after a long while if we really like each other there might be a romantic relationship but please don’t go there if you are not ready for commitment, family etc. 
I honestly thought that I would scare away pretty much everyone with a message like that but no… Got a LOT of messages last night right after publishing my profile, some of them from people who obviously don’t read profiles too carefully. We’ll see what happens, hopefully I’ll meet some new friends.
Haha, it happens. There’s a lot of folks out there just looking for friends too glad to hear you’ve got some nibbles already
Well, I moved to a new place now, nothing left at Dave’s except for the memories… Also got a new job since it’s supposed to be a new beginning - a more senior role, too. Hmmm, new place, new job… Still don’t feel like I want a new man though…
It’s perfectly fine to not be ready for a new relationship. You need some time to mourn the old one, and to find yourself and figure out what it is that you really want.
New job and new house are a good start. Just keep on looking after yourself and either something will happen naturally, or you’ll find one day that the idea of sharing it all with someone else appeals again
I just have to say: good job! When a relationship thread gets bumped (even from a few months ago) by the OP, I start to wonder what they did to make it worse! Usually, they’ve gone and done something they regret, or ignored the general advice. But you’re moving forward! Congrats on the new job, on the new place, and on getting your stuff out of his house without it being an issue. I’m glad you came back and updated us, too. I saw your thread before, and I didn’t post because I’d just initiated my own breakup, but we’re both going places
Thanks. I had three interviews last week (with three different companies) while working full time (going to clients all over Sydney, too) and preparing to move again. That wasn’t easy. All three companies loved me and one of them offered me a great job straight away so I took it. Starting with them in four weeks.
I do try hard to do the right thing but right now I feel kinda empty. It’s funny that I left Dave in hopes to find committed love but I can’t even imagine being with anyone else and it’s been a few months now. There are plenty of men around (OkCupid made me see it) but I’m just not interested. Never thought I’d be like that.
I know the gender is wrong, but Samuel L Jackson might help.
Haha - thanks! That does help a little.
Happy to hear all your great news!
I was just reading a book yesterday that remarked how all, ‘beginnings’, have magic in them, and I totally believe that.
You did the right thing getting out, though it still hurts, I know. The universe cannot serve you up the awesomeness, it has in store, if you’ve squirreled yourself away in some backwater of unfulfilling relationship!
To get over your broken heart you need only compassion for self. You need to recognize that, instead of beating yourself up, for ‘time wasted’, you should be crediting yourself for seeing, who he really was, and saving yourself ages of self delusion, years of unhappiness, possibly even divorce, if he’d caved to your pressure. That you cannot ‘push a rope’, is one of life’s hardest lessons, in my experience.
Here’s another trick you might try; With eyes closed, focus and concentrate on somewhere else, on this world, right now, some other poor soul, their heart broken over lost love. Shouldn’t be that hard, after all, you can feel their pain, right? Now, send them compassion, as much as you can feel or manifest. If you practice this a few times a day, you’ll find your broken heart beginning to unclench and heal. It’s only one tiny step, for your subconscious, compassion for others to compassion for self. This really does work, I encourage you to try it. It only takes a couple of moments to do.
The great truth of life is that life is messy. And, every now and then, if you’re doing it right, it’s a beautiful mess. Just keep riding the ride.
I have every confidence that you’re going to be just fine, you’re on the right path and, I believe, everything you’ve hoped for is on it’s way to you.
You learn a lot even from bad relationships - heck, you learn even MORE from the bad ones! If you’re not really interested in dating right now, that’s just fine. I think it’s probably your subconscious telling you what you need (our subconsciouses do that - we don’t always listen, though).
And here’s another “good for you.”