As a child from a ‘broken home’ I’d like to add my opinion.
Staying together for the child is not the right thing to do. My parents tried that for 5 years, and for my sister and I, it was the worst 5 years of our lives. They tried the counselling thing. Our home was more broken in those 5 years, and the 4 years it then took to settle the divorce (which was very nasty), than it was after.
Since the divorce, my father has moved on and is now with a wonderful woman. My mother is happier. My father is happier. We don’t have the constant underlying tension anymore. Life is good now. We’re all so much happier, and our lives, individually and as a family, have improved.
I’m not saying that separation/divorce is the answer, but in our case it was the best thing that could’ve happened.
My father always made sure that he was a part of our lives, despite my mother’s bitterness. She did everything she could to keep us apart, and tried to put the idea in our heads that he was a bad man. He wouldn’t stand to be shut out by our mother, and he fought in court to keep joint custody. He never missed a weekend, he never put us off for anything, and he’s always been a wonderful, devoted father. And as a result, I’m closer with my father now than I ever was before. I’ve found this is true with most of my acquaintences that have been through the same situation.
Split homes are sometimes the most stable ones around where the child is concerned.
I’ve been married for 10 years too. No kids. We’re at a rough spot in our marriage - nothing traumatic, just too much to do and too little money, not enough work on our marriage. I’ve definitely been tempted to cheat but have not given in to the urge.
My husband has vehement opinions on cheating - if I ever cheated, it would be over. If he ever cheated, he would not be the man that I married. It would be over. Period.
We both know we have problems and are talking them out… Counseling is an option that we have not yet explored but are willing to, if the time comes. In the meantime, I’m reading a highly recommended book, Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley and Susan L. Blumberg. I’m not far enough into it to give my own opinion.
Ferrous Wheel, you sound like you’re more scared of counseling than you are of your marriage ending. Take the chance that your wife will want to go with you. Ask her. Tell her how serious you are about your problems and that you think a counselor can help. I think you’ll find that she needs you as much as you need her, no matter how she acts. She’s probably not as ready to give it all up as you think she is.
I sincerely hope that everything works out for all three of you.
Whenever a relationship has problems, both people are doing something wrong. If you determine what you are doing wrong, you have the possibility of restoring your marriage. If you don’t know what you are doing wrong and don’t make an effort to change, even if you divorce your wife, your next relationship will be the same as this one.
My dad did the same thing and I am only 15, I found all of his crap, so basically i am very mad at him , and i think i always will be. What you two need to do is go to Family Counseling, or therapy, I HAVE to go i guess they are doing better, seeing as i the daughter had to tell my mother.
The OP was posted 4.5 years ago, and seeing as the OP’er still only has 9 posts to his name, I wouldn’t worry to much about his wife finding out Wesley Clark
You bring up a painful time (now just a distant MEMORY!) for Ferrous Wheel and then you have the juvenile gall to pick this scab again??? You don’t see that you may have hurt several people by even mentioning this? You don’t see ANY of this???
Maybe you’re just one of the teeming hundreds, callslugger… and NOT the Teeming Millions®. GO AWAY!
The poor girl’s only faux pas was ressurecting an old thread. Perhaps she could have started a new thread, making reference to this one - she should not be told to “GO AWAY” if6was9
If you read what she has to say, you’ll see that she’s expressing a painful experience. The poor kid’s just looking for some compassion - look what she got.
callslugger - I’m not qualified to offer any advice, but you sure got the raw end of the parental deal. No child should be put in that position.
All I can offer is my sympathy. How did therapy work?
Pffft! Then let callslugger start HER OWN thread! And not bring up some painful memory that has NOTHING THE FUCK TO DO WITH HER from the past… just to justify her own problems… :rolleyes:
Ferrouswheel only has 9 posts, he has been gone for years.
secondly, when he started this thread he non-verbally made it clear he was ok with talking about his problems on a message board. BUmping this hurts no one. The OP is gone and even if he weren’t, he voluntarily made this post in the first place.
