As I was settling into my office chair for a day of pretending to work and reading Straight Dope, I touched my stomach through my shirt. Holy fuck it’s huge! No wonder nobody loves me and I might as well die.
I don’t know why, but this reduced me to howling laughter.
Thanks.
Cue fat supporters…now.
hmm, fairly odd post. Which reminds me…
[hijack]
How’s this for bizarre. I’m doing one of the annoying jobs senior pupils have to do at my school, with this other guy. Then this girl comes up to him and gives him a potato, which he solemnly pockets.
Proof for me that this universe is worth it after all.
[/hijack]
Seriously, Qazz, this whole self-pity thing is getting tired.
You think you’ve got problems? A friend of mine was following me into my house and PINCHED MY FAT ROLL! I should just crawl under the deck and wait for the raccoons to devour my pathetic self.
That’s nothing. I’m sitting here with no shirt on and I can see all my … rolls. They cascade off me like a lipid Niagara.
I think I’ll just crucify myself on this home cross I bought. Mmmm, nails.
Why oH why didn’t Qazzz take the blue pill?
:'Three Stooges Hat on:
SMACK!
SMACK!
SMACK!
:Three Stooges hat off:
SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!
seriously though Qazzz, the offer for the LJ code STILL STANDS! Anytime, just let me know.
I’m curious , were you arrested in the Bronx and you forgot to remove the baton?
The guy is funny. If you don’t like his posts, DON’T READ EM!
I’m 38 weeks pregnant. I haven’t been able to seen my own cooter for months and I have one pair of shoes that still fit me.
I think I win.
No, you don’t have to lose weight until your belly exerts enough force against your shirt that buttons begin to fly. In which case, if said button puts out an eye, you need to lose weight before the lawsuit ('cause if the shirt don’t fit, you must acquit).
Thanks djf750. And seriously, Anahita, learn how to spell my nickname.
Belladonna 1
QazzZ 0
Joan Rivers once asked a flight attendant where her seat was. The attendant told her “Three inches below where it was last year.” Bwahahahaha!!!
I’d pay to see Joan Rivers insulted like that. HA!
Seriously, Qazzz, the self-pity, “pwoor widdle ol’ me” is wearing thin.
Fat, hell—how about gravity? My face is sliding off my skull like John Travolta at the end of The Devil’s Rain!
That never works, man. You can never drive in that last nail by yourself.
Eve’s right. Gravity is the cruelest enemy. It won’t be long before I can tuck my boobs into my jeans. And if my niece calls me “Auntie Pug Neck” one more time, I swear…
Is anyone else creeped out by the use of the smiley immediately following the phrase “nobody loves me and I might as well die”?
Me, I thought it was a tad scary. But that might just be because I’m a total loser with no friends.
[sub]See? Freaky.[/sub]