I understand that Natalie Wood didn’t want to put dogfood in the bowl but she certainly was willing to feed the fish.
Went into a porno shop for the first time. I swear the prick behind the cash register kept an eye on me the whole time.
The last time I went to a porno shop I wanted to buy this really nice looking big red dildo but the clerk said that the fire extinguisher wasn’t for sale.
15% of women admit to having used vibrators. The other 85% said they bought them new.
Over 15% of people on message boards make up stats.
Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic.
Well, 46.8%.
I was shocked to learn that statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not Happy.
In my opinion 47.55 percent of statistics are opinions.
I’ve spent today analyzing some statistics about how drunk people walk. They’re just staggering.
Last night I was drunk, so I took the train to go home. I’ve never driven a train before.
Ironically, it’s not something you’d usually do without training.
Nasa kicked me out of their astronaut training program. They said I was a waste of space.
My grandmother once told me, an eight year old, what she and grandpa did on the farm during winter. It was a cockamamie story.
Depending on the nature of the farm, that could have been a cock-and-bull story.
I once heard about a farmer who successfully grew a crop of dildos. Unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters.
In places where prostitution is legal, you have to be careful when places call themselves a “dude ranch.”
The cops pulled me over on my bicycle today and gave me a ticket for prostitution. They said they’d seen me pedaling my ass all over town.
I blew a tire on my way home and had to push my bike home. It was a drag.
I need a new bicycle. The one I have now is two tired to work much longer.
Police are looking for somebody murdering people along a bike path. He’s described as being a cyclepathic killer.