I like bananas a bunch

Or foiled in the attempt.

It’s always important to choose a side.

And after choosing, it will be set aside.

You might say that choosing to squirt ketchup into my eyes was foolish but I say that Heinz-sight is 20/20.

[A silent tribute here to the Uma Thurman ketchup joke in Pulp Fiction. OK, go on, everybody.]

I thought perfect Heinz-sight was 57/57.

Would this include an A-1? anyone

I dropped a bottle of ketchup and it fell right on tomatoes.

I call my wife Ketchup Bottle because she’s my main squeeze.

When the catsup, everyone’s up.

I won an award that looks like this: !

It’s a cat ass trophy.

Oh, what’s the point, I exclaimed.

My, isn’t that punctiliously punctuated!

Sorry, I’ve been in a comma; what’d I miss?

I knew I guy who was in a comma for months. He’d been hit by a semi.

Dangling modifiers are annoying, especially when driving through traffic.

Heavy traffic always comes to a full stop. Well, for a period of time, anyway.

Sitting in my car all day really tires me out.

If I buy four new tires and get a spare for free, I call it a wheel deal.

Quit putting on airs!