That you still love your wife after 47 years of evangelicalism, five years of being an ardent Trump supporter, and two years of anti-vaxxing, tells me that you’re willing to put up with a lot for the sake of staying with her.
Most of the suggestions here are 1) divorce or 2) avoid talking politics and avoid trying to prove her viewpoints border on batshittery. But there does seem to be a hybrid option of both of those: have you considered staying married but living apart, like in the same neighborhood or apartment building? This isn’t as uncommon as you might think, and does seem to work for married folks with vastly different needs and boundaries. You’d have more limited exposure to someone not vaccinated, wouldn’t constantly be around her conspiracy theories, and have your own safe haven of sanity to retreat to whenever you need it.
I know that’s also a rather expensive option and a luxury, especially if you’re on disability income. If divorcing would increase your income, that’s also an option people take advantage of yet still remain in a loving relationship.
Something that has been noticeably missing in this thread thus far is what the wife perceives her effect on the OP is. Does she notice that she is bothering the OP with her Trumpy views? If so, what does she think of it? Is it annoyance that he is being “left-wing” in her view? Is it a regrettable, “Well, I know you don’t like it, but I must cling to Trumpiness anyway?” Does she see her views as an impediment to the marriage? If she were to start a thread here on the Dope, would it read exactly like the OP’s, just the opposite way (help, I love my husband dearly but he is a brainwashed leftie?)
Instead of requiring her to understand your POV, may it be better to form arguments using a frame of reference she already accepts?
"You know, the Bible is full of instances where God has punished entire nations because of the sins and obstinacy of the ruling class- Egypt during Exodus is an obvious example.
“So, honey, what was the sin committed by the United States when God smote us with COVID? If Trump is so Godly, and the Democrats so evil, why did God punish Trump?”
“He didn’t do this.”
“Stop lying to yourself, it is a sin. You saw God literally smite the United States with a plague, killing far more Americans than any other country. So… what was our sin, and why did God need to punish this sin while Trump was President?”
No. No, no, no. You don’t leave it for her to answer. My apologies for ending the post like that.
You take it further. You go all the way. You adopt Christianity in the anti-Trump mode:
“God punished us for the sin of electing a whoremongerer like Donald Trump as President. As the modern whore of Babylon, Donald Trump, a man who consorts with pedophiles and married a Communist prostitute (thereby making her First Lady of the United States), God responded to this insult by inflicting a plague upon us…”
Just go on and on re: this theme. ‘God punished America with a plague while Trump was President, just like he punished Egypt under Pharoah. It’s a fact. You cannot lie about it. God didn’t wait to punish Pharaoh. He sent the plagues then and there. When happy with the man, God didn’t bless David with a plague. Here is why he cursed the United States under the Reign of Trump…’
Be repetitive. Hit on this theme constantly. If you want to deprogram her, OP, it may best be done in the same language which programmed her.
Don’t talk about science. Don’t talk about evidence. Don’t try to convince her on your terms, the best chance is to find faults in her armor of faith via her faith.
Make a playlist of Mom’s favourite/era music, something you can dance to. Whenever she’s getting on your last nerve, turn the music on a little loud and take her in your arms to dance, with a big smile on your face!
If it’s at all encouraging, George and Kellyann Conway are still together.
There comes a point with the Dolt45 cult where you’ve presented all the arguments you can. After that, it’s casting pearls unto swine. I think it is highly unlikely that either of you are going to convert to the other’s political viewpoints. Given that neither of you are going to change, the question becomes: are political differences enough to dissolve an otherwise happy marriage? If you can continue to love her and are able to ignore her politics, then you stay.
There is no last nerve it’s a long slow torment. Kindness and love fail to mitigate fresh distress. Admittedly I have grown to be quite resentful that something precious has been stolen from me in plain sight.
I’ve thought long and hard on divorce. I have reluctantly come to terms with the realization that I’m just not as capable as I used to be. Do I really want to start a new relationship all over again?
I voluntarily follow current events via reputable sources which by itself is enough to outrage me. Her continued support despite the colossal depravity in plain sight prolongs that outrage.
Marriage/con:
Rough patches, working things out, putting up with each other
Singledom/pro:
Freedom, autonomy, adventure
Singledom/con:
Loneliness at times, lack of direction, economically harder
You can build those out more as you see fit. But it sounds like you have few of the benefits of being married while you’re cut off from the pros of a single life. If you were dating a brainwashed Evangelical Trump supporter, you could break up and keep looking.
