Last evening I broke up with a Girlfriend that I’ve been seeing for a relatively short period of time (about 3 months) because I’m not ready to take it any further(relationship wise) , at least not for a while.
She cried when I told her and I’m not feeling very proud of myself this morning.
… that’s amora
While I can understand why you wouldn’t feel proud, neither should you be ashamed. Assuming you told her respectfully, truthfully, and with sensitivity, you probably did the right thing. It’s never easy to break up with somebody - unless she made your life a living hell - but as long as you spared her dignity, you’ll live to love another day.
If only the fault was her’s, it would be so easy! Its not though, and che really didnt deserve for me to make her feel so sad.
It’s not a matter of whose fault it is/was. You said she didn’t deserve it…but what did she deserve, in the context of your relationship? Did she deserve to be with a guy who wasn’t prepared to “take it any further (relationship wise)”? That would have been dishonest of you. Rather, I think she probably did deserve it, in a way. By that I mean she deserves to be with somebody who is ready for the kind of relationship she wants. You were decent and honest enough to tell her that you aren’t that person.
Yes, it hurt her…and it hurt you, too. Still, I’m guessing it was the right thing to do.
I can understand why you feel bad, but you have no reason to feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong, and it would have been cruel just to string her along for sex or companionship until something better came along. Not that I think you’d do anything like that.
Of course, since you are a good person you do feel bad, and that’s just human. A one sided relationship is hell either way, and you did the only decent thing. She probably won’t see it that way for a while, but unless she has emotional problems one day she will be able to appreciate what you did.
One thing, if you are serious about breaking up, stay the heck away from her, at least now. I’m speaking from experience here, as the dumped one. My ex felt sorry for me, and came running every time I called. Did nothing for me except give me false hope and broke my heart every time we didn’t get back together. I’m not saying be mean to her, just tell her that you’re not ready to be just friends yet. She might think you a jerk, but it’s far better in the long run.
I think one day she will realize and appreciate your honesty. I have my own similar story to tell, but I won’t. I can relate to what you had to do, and it sucks to be the one to do what you did. But don’t beat yourself up too much over this. You did what you had to do. You both can move on from here.
Thanks Tater, but that could be a problem for me. I cant separate from them. This girl was a friend before we got together, and I’m the type of person that can isolate myself. I always end up sorting out other peoples problems instead of sorting out mine.
I’ve wrote her a letter and I hope it explains how I feel to her and she understands it.
correction that can should be CAN’T.
Audrey, I hope she can move on, as she deserves so much more than I could give her.
Ironically when I broke up with my last girlfriend, I was the one doing the crying, she seemed not to care…
…Time is a healer, I know it sounds like bullshit but its true.
Another thing that I have learned is that women are more mentally equipped to deal with this kind of thing. IMHO they seem to be able to move on far quicker than guys.
That’s a crappy situation, alright. I had a similar experience as a young man. But I felt doubly like a schmuck because I knew going into the relationship that it would probably go nowhere. In my defense, however, I was very insecure and inexperienced at the time, so when I met a woman who told me all she wanted to do was bone me all the time, the little brain took over.
So after three months, little Jack gave way to actual grey matter and I called it off. She was crushed, and I felt like Lord Emporer, Ruler of Assholeland.
I still haven’t quite recovered. On the other hand I believe I have become more sensitive in matters of the heart because of it.
John, at least you TOLD her you were no longer interested in the relationship. I seemed to always get the guys who just sort of disappeared. I’d confront them - “Do you really want to be with me or not?” and they’d swear they did, but never call, never actually want to get together, etc. I would have MUCH rather had someone sit down and be truthful with me. You’re a good guy for gathering together the strength to look her in the eye and tell her it’s over, and not just brush it under the rug.
Been there.
Done that.
Still feel like a shit bird.
Better to end it then be a wuss about breaking up, act all passive agressive, and drive her insane while she trys to figure out what SHE did wrong, ultimately forcing her to break up with you, something you were too chicken to do to begin with.
::ahem::
I do second tater’s suggestion, try spending as little time with her as possible, and NO time alone with her. You can’t go back to casual friendship. But way to take the high road, John.
John, your’e a good man. Did the right thing. She’ll know it, you know it, and yes, in time you’ll all feel good about it. You just take care of number one right now, that’s what’s important. You were honest, can’t beat that.
Sometimes the right thing to do in the long run hurts like hell in the short run. If that made sense. I had to do it twice, to the same girl, because I wasn’t big enough to do it right the first time. What you did was big, very big, and I commend you for that.
Swiddles- that was choice no.2 
The thing is, we were friends before we got together, and I’d like to be friends again.
I pretty much know things will be ok, its just I hate making people upset. When ever I’ve seen a girl crying (the very few times I’d been involved) I’ve felt like I just ripped her heart out and stood on it. Last night was the worst. She is a really strong woman, and to see what I reduced her to made me feel so low I could parachute out of a snakes ass.
Don’t do that to yourself, man. You could give her the world and you know it. You’re just unable or unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary for that right now. Nothin’ wrong with that. Nothin’ wrong with you.
SwimmingRiddles:
Heh. Not that that’s ever happened to you or anything, right?
I’ll 'fess up, I have done what SwimmingRiddles describes above. I’m not proud of it, of course, but then we’ve all done things we’re ashamed of, and I certainly wouldn’t do it again. Besides being a jerky thing to do, it forms a painful knot in one’s stomach which lingers for weeks or months, and anyway you feel like the jerk you are. So much better just to screw your courage up to the sticking-place and make a clean break.
Hey, but don’t women do the passive-aggressive, I’ll-treat-him-like-shit-until-I’ve-driven-him-away thing too? It’s happened to me at least once.
Once Five? I can’t even count how many times it’s been done to me. It’s just typical of PEOPLE in general I think. John definitely showed some courage, said screw pride, and went forth and did the honest, and gentlemanly thing. He’s a true gentleman for showing such honor where most wouldn’t, and for letting himself care about someone else while or before himself.