I’m pretty shy when meeting girls. In fact, its the biggest reason I’m single. The whole meeting/icebreaking parts of friendships/relationships are the most challenging for me. Today at a party, I met a girl who I quickly got into a conversation with. We had a lot of similarities, and I really enjoyed talking to her. We played twister,and I was the undefeated 5 time champ! Some people were getting whiny and were bugging me to sit out a game to let somebody else play. I insisted that I was undefeated; if someone could topple me in this game I would concede for the evening frankly they didn’t like losing to me all the time, but this girl was one of the very few that acted in my defense, she brought up the fact that I was so good that I should stay in the game :D. We talked in the kitchen about things, but she told me it was too noisy and suggested we go back in the living room. We sat together and exchanged interests; I found out she likes roller coasters, so I suggested how about I take her to Great America this Sunday? And she said yes! (if she could get the $$ for a season pass. I offered to help her with that but she politely refused). When I was trying to get my friend’s attention,she told him I was trying to tell him something. She was the only one at the party that really gave me any personal attention when I was talking/asking for something. I offered her my telephone number so she could call me to let me know whether or not she would be able to go on Sunday, and what do you know, she offered me her number! After a while she got very tired, and told me she had to get up early but didn’t know how to get home from where we were. Since I found out I live very close to her, I told her that I stayed long enough and would go. I suggested she follow me back to the freeway where she could get home on her own. She waved as she took her exit and I waved back. So I talked to her on AIM this evening basically continuing our conversation about interests. I checked my PDA to make sure I got her full name correctly, and was surprised to find a small moon sticker that she had deposited on the leather cover! I had also let her play solitare on my PDA at the party, which she enjoyed.
I know this may be coming off as pathetic. I really liked her, and was trying to get to know her better (without trying so hard I come off as creepy). I didn’t realize it, but everyone else at the party knew I was hitting on her. I talked to my best friend on the phone, who was still at the party, he said that some of the other girls there thought it was cute in my attempts. This was kind of embarassing to me, I don’t want to be part of a “Yeah the party was going great until Incubus started hitting on my friend for 2 hours”. My friend says I should go for it. What do you guys think? I have presently have no idea if she is available or not, and of course can only guess that she enjoyed spending time at the party with me. Am I being delusional?
Charming, witty, and interesting? A good talker and listener? Undefeated at Twister? Sounds like you handled everything just right without coming on too strong. Err, not to be too inquistive, but what is the age range of you and the girl? This might help out in analyzing your budding relationship. You wanna give her a nym or shall we just call her “Moon Sticker”?
Here’s an idea: Whilst chatting with her, drop hints that you’ve heard that the SDMB is a great place to converse on every topic under the sun. Mebbe we can check her out for you.
Hey, who cares if it’s obvious to others? It’s apparent that she wasn’t bothered by your advances. I’ll second your friend and suggest that you take this opportunity; if you don’t you’ll always wonder what might have been, and that’s a terrible question to ask oneself in the middle of the night.
BraheSilver - whose track record in this area is dismal enough that any advice from him is to be taken lightly.
You did a great job! Look, when two people are clicking, everyone can see it. That’s not a bad thing. It’s pretty obvious she’s interested in you too, and you look like you have lots of stuff in common. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and I think things will all work out.
Incubus, good luck. If I were the girl, we’d definitely be going to the amusement park. You know, this is just my experience, but the shy types can be the best fellows to have as friends and more? Please take a hug for luck,
The only part I can criticize is when you offered to help her pay for a season’s pass. That’s a little overly generous for someone you just met, IMO. From your POV, you just want to get to know her better and you’re trying to be a gentleman. But from a woman’s POV, if a guy forks out a lot of $$ you begin to feel a sense of obligation towards him (if you catch my drift). So maybe that’s why she refused.
If when you call her she still says she can’t afford to go to the amusement park, accept it as the truth. $75 is a bit much for a lot of people for one day, esp. students. So have a Plan B in mind and suggest going canoeing at a state park or something like that.
Thank you everyone for all the encouragement. To ahem cover some gaps in my story, she’s 19, and I’m 21. At the party there was another girl there with this Hello Kitty ‘friend’ book; I saw everyone filling it out, and not wanting to be left out, filled it out as well. In each page there are questions, like ‘favorite actor, best day of your life, etc’ but you pick out a sticker from the front (mine was musical notes) to use as your ‘name’. Jen was the last person to fill out stuff in the book, and she picked the moon stickers. She had one left over, so she stuck it in my PDA cover
The offering to help her get a season pass was sort of an impulsive thing, I realized it was making me come off as desperate to have her go to the amusement park with me. Some posters also read my mind about ‘plan B’ which I suggested to Jen that if she couldn’t get the money for a season pass we could always have a picnic if the weather permits
My friends are being helpful by offering to get input at the party by other people, making to get a better idea about what Jen thinks about me. I’m really excited about meeting this her. Its always great when someone asks you , “Do you like (insert your favorite thing in life)?”
If she didn’t like you, she would have made an excuse to get away, especially if she had friends there.
If she didn’t like you, she woulnd’t have wanted to go to a quieter place to talk.
She wouldn’t have offered up her number w/o being asked.
She wouldn’t have said “yes” to a first date. It was cool of you to offer to pay but I don’t blame her for saying no…it’s sort of expensive and a season pass seems so uh, long term. Buy her a soda and try to win her a stuffed animal.
You both did fine, Incubus. Now it’s either go for it, or forego it. You should go for it, because if you don’t you’ll spend a long time wondering what would have happened.
The potential upside is good - to - great.
And what’s the worst that could happen? At worst, she might turn out to be a neurotic misfit cheating lying idiot smackhead with the scruples of a syphilitic rat and a steely-eyed determination to strip you of your money, possessions, sanity, dignity and friends then leave you in the dirt while she moves on to her next soft target never giving a backward glance to you and your shattered life, mind and heart as you lie bleeding in the dust drowned in the bittersweet tears of your naive impulsive outlook.
But that doesn’t happen much.
No offence Lisa, but excuse me while I laugh like a drain. Please, take my hand, and let me personally introduce you to a great many women who will quite happily let a man spend every second, every thought and every cent he owns to try and make her happy while offering a big, fat, shiny, pure zero-sweet-nothing in return.
No, I do not speak from personal bitterness or upset. My own experiences have usually been much happier, thank you. But it happens, and I’ve seen it, and it’s not nice.
Incubus, upon re-reading your story and reading the other comments here, I noticed something. The sticker. She put a moon sticker on your PDA and there was a matching sticker in the Hello Kitty journal next to her name. She “marked” you. I knew a woman you used to dab perfume on her fingertips before going to a party. If she found a guy she was interested in, she’d touch his skin in the neck area. Her friends knew her perfume scent and would, conciously or unconciously, “leave him alone”. Whether your girl did this on purpose or not is up to speculation.
Re: the Great America trip. Yeah, it may have been a bit much to offer to help out with a season pass. You might try inviting her on a trip to the zoo. Doesn’t cost as much, its a park much like a theme park, plenty of people around, and you can spend a good portion of the day there. Plus there’s animals! You can invite a friend along if your overly nervous. I’ve done this twice on a first date and it ended up great. A picnic might be too intimate for some people on a first date. YMMV.
Well, she was really psyched about going to Great America. I just got home, from a great day. Let me tell you about it!
Well, I got ready early this morning; meant to do a bunch of things (I had misplaced directions to her house to pick her up, I worried I threw them out the night before but I found them thank goodness). Unfortunately, I forgot one crucial detail- my car! My car was a mess, I have a bad habit of leaving empty water bottles in their (from my crossing guard job during the spring). By the time I remembered, I didn’t have enough time to throw out the garbage, so I frantically threw all the junk in the back where she wouldn’t see it. I first stopped at my friend’s house, to pick up a parking pass which I forgot to get the night before, then drove to her house. She lives quite close to me, which is great. I picked her up, and we drove to Great America. The day was fantastic. We sat in the front of almost every ride we went on, the lines were sparse and many rides we went on a second time because of such short lines. Most of purchases were pretty split; I hinted at maybe getting her something but she seemed perfectly fine paying for it herself (she had more money than me BTW) I only had 20 dollars spending money; I had to be really careful about how I allocated it. We spent some on video games, playing Dance Dance Revolution together, then we ate together, sharing French fries. The whole time, we were talking to each other. The entire day was one fantastic exchange of information. My mind is dizzy with a massive amount of things about her, what she likes, what she dislikes, her friends, interests, etc. At about 6, she spontaneously suggested we go see a movie. I said sure. So we drove to the Mercado, but the next showings were like an hour and a half away. She mentioned another theater in Milpitas that shows older movies (cinema 10) and we went there. What a relief because admission was only $3 and I was down to five bucks! Unfortunately, a wrench got thrown into our evening; a friend called her and needed a book she had borrowed from him for a project he had to do; we couldn’t see the movie in time. But we still had an hour or so, so she asked where I’d like to go. She basically just wanted to go somewhere else to talk, which was great by me. We finally decided to go to Starbucks, but went to two before she settled on one that had comfy chairs. There are so many around our house that this didn’t amount to much more driving. At starbucks, we drank coffee and I met a classmate from school whom I graduated college with. The three of us chatted a bit, talking about friends and explaining unknown details. The friend had to study, so she left us alone and I talked to Jen some more about me and my friends. She is amazingly unjudgemental of me; she told me that she herself has had a life that is just as troubled and riddled with embarassing moments as mine. I dropped her off, so she could return her friend’s book (the friend showed up just as I dropped her off) then went to my best friend’s house to tell them about it, as apparently many people at the party I was at know I am interested in Jen and they are all rooting for me It feels so great that so many friends are supportive and standing by me with this.
I went to a party saturday. I wanted to find out of a woman next to me was available so I said
“what does your husand do for a living?” She said, ‘oh, I’m not married’ My lady friend next to
me said ‘thats a great line to use’ & I said, ‘yep, it sure is a great way to see if someone is married.’
I have a feeling that the woman you are intersting in Incubus would be a little to young to be married…right?
Well, since we were unable to go to the movies yesterday, we may go sometime this week if she is available. Also, we may go rollerblading this Sunday as well. I’m pretty excited about it.
Because so many of my friends know about all this, they are going to help me by finding out what her relationship status is. She is willing to share a lot with me, which I take as a good sign, plus it lets me know about her even more.
Seems to me like her relationship status os “Crazy for Incubus”. Just my opinion, I could be wrong, my opinions are not legally binding in any jurisdiction.
What I meant was whether or not she is single, getting out of a relationship, wanting a relationship, etc etc.
I’ve had past experiences in which I’ve taken a girl out for a movie or something then later found out she wasn’t interested in dating, or was dating someone else at the time :eek: In this situation, I’m kind of curious on how my chances are with Jen.
frankly they didn’t like losing to me all the time, but this girl was one of the very few that acted in my defense, she brought up the fact that I was so good that I should stay in the game :D. We talked in the kitchen about things, but she told me it was too noisy and suggested we go back in the living room. We sat together and exchanged interests; I found out she likes roller coasters, so I suggested how about I take her to Great America this Sunday? And she said yes! (if she could get the $$ for a season pass. I offered to help her with that but she politely refused). When I was trying to get my friend’s attention,she told him I was trying to tell him something. She was the only one at the party that really gave me any personal attention when I was talking/asking for something. I offered her my telephone number so she could call me to let me know whether or not she would be able to go on Sunday, and what do you know, she offered me her number! After a while she got very tired, and told me she had to get up early but didn’t know how to get home from where we were. Since I found out I live very close to her, I told her that I stayed long enough and would go. I suggested she follow me back to the freeway where she could get home on her own. She waved as she took her exit and I waved back. So I talked to her on AIM this evening basically continuing our conversation about interests. I checked my PDA to make sure I got her full name correctly, and was surprised to find a small moon sticker that she had deposited on the leather cover! I had also let her play solitare on my PDA at the party, which she enjoyed.
