That’s right. I have no ass. In fact, I have negative ass. I probably owe somebody ass but I can’t pay. I’m in arrears.
This hasn’t been much of a problem for a while, but since losing a bunch of weight my cushion is gone. Now my pelvis threatens to cut its way out of my body every time I sit on a hard surface. My general lack of gluteus maximus also makes it difficult for me to keep my britches up. I finally got a real job that requires looking nice every day. However, it’s difficult keeping these nice shirts tucked in when my pantaloons slide down and everything else gets pushed up.
Thus, my plea for help: What in the hell can I do to grow a (healthy) ass? Are there butt exercises? Do I need to be concerned about my back if my ass changes shape? Gah, I know nothing about it.
I’m not looking for the baseball-player-bubble-butt here, we’re not talking about dreams of have Antonio Banderas’s ass (although I wouldn’t say no). Just a bit of meat for my poor posterior.
Buy smaller clothing and do exercises that involve swinging your leg back. You can feel the contraction. Do that enough and you’ll no doubt develop at least a little more butt.
Get in the floor on your knees and elbows. Elbows should be shoulder width apart. You can rest your head in your hands if you want to put less stress on your neck.
Leaving your knees bent, raise one leg back, and push your foot up towards the ceiling. Lower the knee but not all the way back down. Repeat about 12 times. Try not to cry.
Repeat with other leg.
I’ve found doing squats and deadlifts worked wonders in developing my gluteal buttimus area. Also did wonders in bulking out my legs, shoulders and back muscles. Running also helped a lot.
Whatever you do, make sure it involves heavy weights. Squats are good as long as your knees can handle them. The movement that Batsinma Belfry describes can be replicated by a weight machine called the Butt Blaster than can be found in many health clubs.
You might be standing wrong. There should be a curve in your spine just above the pelvis. Stand in front of a mirror, and do a few pelvic thrusts. You know, that sexual motion. When you pull back for the next thrust, hold it right there. That’s the way your pelvis is supposed to be when you’re just standing around.
If you aren’t standing that way already, that should give you some more curve even before you start exercising.
Of course, it might also be genetic. The males in my family on my father’s side have no butts. My mom and aunts have commented on it, and I inherited the trait. From shoulder blades to heels is a straight shot. No ass at all. (Which is a wonder considering what an asshole I can be at times. )
Your only solution might be a big wallet, a couple of handkerchiefs, and a pair of suspenders.
Or in the event you can’t do heavy squats or deadlifts, you can do leg-presses and also hip-abductions (in the gym, it’s the machine where you sit and spread your legs apart against resistance. I believe that’s good for asinine definition and getting that little dimple.
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