For reasons that I think are best left private, I am divorcing my husband. Suffice it to say I think this is the best choice for both of us and he disagrees.
I just feel so all alone and hopeless right now. I’ve been stupid and let myself become dependant, and now I’m not sure how to get myself together. My best option right now is to go to my parents for help; it’s not exactly the ideal way to become independant, but there really isn’t any other place to go.
From talking with a friend today, I realized that I’ve slipped back into the depression that’s plagued me on and off my entire life. It’s a family curse. ::wan smile:: I’ve basically withdrawn from the entire world except on the most superficial levels, since moving here I don’t think I’ve made one true friend. I can’t seem to allow anyone to get close…not a good way to live. So it’s off to the doctor ASAP to get a prescription and a therapist. Lucky for me, I am the ideal psychiatric patient. Psychologists love me, I was the darling of the mental hospital, I was.
I just can’t stand to see myself like this, the one thing I can’t stand is self pity. I can’t bear the thought of my son growing up seeing his mother just shut up and put up with unhappiness. That’s not who I am.
This weekend, I went to my parent’s house to think. While I was gone, my husband put an old picture of me up by the side of the bed. Tonight, I was looking at that picture and wondering where that girl had gone. The girl everyone said would set the world on fire. She’s still here, isn’t she?
I’m not sure what I expect from you all. I hate fawning and yes men; maybe I want somebody to kick my butt? Good Lord, I can’t stand myself anymore, better change something quick before this loathing spreads…who knows what I might do?
So, anyone, got any words of wisdom for your old pal tater? Anyone want to kick my butt?
Oh, and yes this post has been inspired by a very nice Riesling. I’m hoping I don’t regret it, but ah, what the heck?