You win. . . or lose depending on how you see these things.
I once knew a fellow named Dave
Who fucked a dead whore in a cave
He said “I admit
I’m a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save”
The new nun goes to confession and says she has a terrible secret. The priest urges her to reveal it, saying he would never violate the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, “Father, I don’t wear panties under my habit.”
The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels.”
Not hilarious, but timely:
**Pastor: “So we lay our dear friend Patrick Swayze to rest today and—”
(Kanye West grabs the microphone) “—but Michael Jackson’s funeral was one of the best of ALL time!”**
I won a thread, hooray! And that was only my second-worst joke…
A guy forlorn enters a bar, orders a shot and drinks it immediately. Still forlorn, he orders another and then a third. The bartender looks concerned and says, ‘Hey buddy, what’s going on.’
With a heavy sigh, the man replies, ‘I just got home from work and saw my son blowing bubbles.’
The bartender confused says, ‘Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with that.’
The man cries, ‘You don’t understand, Bubbles is our dog.’